The world is full of attention-seeking, self-centred people, and you don’t want to be one of them.
Maybe that’s why Jools Lebron’s TiKTok video has taken the world by storm. She’s all about being respectful, understated, and not going out of her way to draw unnecessary attention to herself, and we can all learn from that. Here are some very demure, very mindful behaviours to engage in a little more often.
1. Be quiet and listen.
Stop talking. Just stop. When someone’s speaking, give them your full attention. Don’t interrupt, don’t think up your response while they’re still talking, and don’t assume you know what they’re going to say. Active listening is a skill, and you need to practice it. Pay attention to their words, tone, and body language. When they’re done, take a moment to process before responding.
2. Own your mistakes.
When you mess up, admit it immediately. No excuses, no justifications, no deflections. Say “I made a mistake” and then outline how you’re going to fix it. You don’t need to beat yourself up over it, but you do need to take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. It’s uncomfortable, but it builds trust and respect. Plus, it’s the fastest way to learn and improve.
3. Practise genuine gratitude.
Stop taking things for granted. Every day, acknowledge three things you’re genuinely thankful for. Not in a vague, “I’m grateful for my family” way, but specific instances. “I’m grateful John took the time to explain that concept to me.” Sure, this increases positivity, but it’s also about recognising the good in your life.
4. Embrace discomfort.
Do something every day that makes you uncomfortable. Have that difficult conversation. Try a new skill. Push yourself physically. Growth happens outside your comfort zone, and you’re not growing enough. Don’t be reckless, but challenge yourself to expand your capabilities and resilience. Discomfort is temporary, but the benefits of pushing through it are lasting.
5. Question your assumptions.
Your beliefs and opinions are not facts. Regularly challenge your own assumptions and biases. When you find yourself having a strong reaction to something, stop and ask yourself why. Is it based on facts or just your preconceptions? You won’t (and probably shouldn’t) change your mind on everything, but critical thinking is a must.
6. Practise delayed gratification.
Stop giving in to every impulse. When you want something, wait. Whether it’s a purchase, a snack, or even responding to a message, pause and consider if it’s necessary right now. This builds self-control and helps you distinguish between genuine needs and fleeting desires. You don’t need to deny yourself anything, but make more intentional choices.
7. Engage in deep work.
Set aside time for focused, uninterrupted work on complex tasks. No multitasking, no quick email checks, no social media breaks. You want to train your brain to concentrate deeply and produce high-quality output. It’s challenging at first, but it’s the key to meaningful productivity and personal growth. Start with 30-minute blocks and gradually increase.
8. Be more curious.
Ask questions about things you don’t understand, even if you think you should know them already. You don’t have to be a master of small talk, but genuine interest in the world and the people around you goes a long way. It makes you more knowledgeable, more empathetic, and more interesting (not to mention more demure!).
9. Practice radical honesty.
Tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean being brutally blunt; it means being clear and direct while still being kind. Stop sugar-coating things or telling white lies to avoid discomfort. This builds trust and respect in your relationships, both personal and professional. It also simplifies your life by eliminating the need to keep track of lies.
10. Get comfortable with your own company.
Spend time alone without distractions. No phone, no TV, no books. Just you and your thoughts. Sure, it’s relaxing, but it also helps develop self-awareness and comfort with yourself. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it’s vital for mental health and personal growth. Start with 10 minutes a day and gradually increase.
11. Be more empathetic.
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, especially when you disagree with them. You don’t need to agree with everyone, but you should at least try to understand where they’re coming from. When someone upsets you, pause and consider their motivations and circumstances. This cuts down on conflict, improves communication, and helps you make better decisions.
12. Develop physical discipline.
Move your body more, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s not about getting super fit (though that’s an added bonus); it’s about developing discipline and pushing through discomfort. Choose an activity and commit to it, rain or shine, tired or energetic. This builds mental toughness that carries over into other areas of your life.
13. Practise mindful consumption.
Be intentional about what you put into your body and mind. This means being selective about food, media, and information. Before consuming anything, ask yourself if it’s beneficial or just a habit. Don’t deprive yourself of anything, but make conscious choices that align with your values and goals. Very demure.
14. Engage in regular self-reflection.
Set aside time each week to review your actions, decisions, and progress towards your goals. An honest assessment can go a long way. What went well? What didn’t? What can you do differently next time? This practise keeps you accountable and helps you stay on track with your personal growth.
15. Cultivate patience.
Get comfortable with waiting. This applies to small things (like waiting in a long queue without checking your phone) and big things (like working towards long-term goals). Patience isn’t passive; it’s an active practice of staying calm and focused in the face of delay or tough times. It reduces stress and improves decision-making.
16. Give unconditionally.
Do something for someone else without expecting anything in return. I’m not talking about grand gestures — small acts of kindness without an agenda is the way to go. Help a colleague, compliment a stranger, or volunteer your time. This builds a sense of connection and purpose, and it reminds you that you have the power to positively impact the world around you. Now THAT is very demure and very mindful.
