Just because you love your partner doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you.
You can be in a relationship with someone who’s genuinely lovely and treats you well, but just isn’t your person. Here’s how you know you’re with the wrong person — what you choose to do with that information is up to you.
1. You constantly censor yourself around them.
You find yourself carefully choosing your words or avoiding certain topics altogether when you’re with your partner. This self-censorship goes beyond normal politeness; you’re afraid of their reaction if you express your true thoughts or feelings. This constant state of guardedness can be exhausting and prevents genuine connection and intimacy in the relationship.
2. Your values clash on fundamental issues.
While it’s normal to have some differences, you realise that you and your partner disagree on core values or life goals. These could be views on marriage, children, career ambitions, or spiritual beliefs. These fundamental differences often lead to ongoing conflicts or resentment, as one or both partners feel compelled to compromise on essential aspects of their identity or future plans.
3. You feel drained after spending time together.
Instead of feeling energised and uplifted after being with your partner, you consistently feel emotionally or mentally exhausted. This persistent fatigue might be a sign that the relationship is more taxing than nurturing. A healthy partnership should generally leave you feeling supported and positive, not depleted.
4. Your friends and family express concern.
The people who know you best have voiced worries about your relationship. While it’s important to make your own decisions, consistent concern from trusted friends and family shouldn’t be ignored. They might be noticing changes in your behaviour or mood that you haven’t recognised yourself.
5. You’re always walking on eggshells.
You find yourself constantly trying to avoid upsetting your partner. You’re hyperaware of their moods and adjust your behaviour accordingly to prevent conflicts or outbursts. This perpetual state of caution indicates an unhealthy dynamic where you can’t be yourself or express your needs freely without fear of negative consequences.
6. Your partner is consistently dismissive of your feelings.
When you express emotions or concerns, your partner routinely brushes them off or belittles them. They might accuse you of being too sensitive or overreacting. This dismissive attitude creates an emotional disconnect and can lead to feelings of invalidation and loneliness within the relationship.
7. You’re not included in future plans.
Your partner makes long-term plans without considering your input or presence. Whether it’s career moves, travel plans, or life goals, you find yourself consistently left out of the picture. This exclusion suggests that your partner might not see you as a permanent part of their future.
8. Trust issues persist despite efforts to address them.
You’ve tried to build trust, but issues of jealousy, suspicion, or dishonesty continue to plague your relationship. Perhaps there’s been infidelity, or maybe there’s a pattern of small lies that destroy trust over time. Whatever the cause, a persistent lack of trust creates a shaky foundation for any relationship.
9. Your self-esteem has taken a significant hit.
Since being in this relationship, you’ve noticed a decline in your self-confidence. You might doubt your abilities more, feel less attractive, or question your worth. A healthy partnership should bolster your self-esteem, not diminish it. If you find yourself consistently feeling worse about yourself, it’s a red flag.
10. There’s a consistent lack of effort from your partner.
You find yourself always initiating plans, conversations, or intimacy. Your partner seems content to coast along without putting in effort to maintain or improve the relationship. This imbalance can lead to resentment and feelings of underappreciation, signalling a lack of equal investment in the partnership.
11. You’ve become isolated from your support network.
Since being in this relationship, you’ve lost touch with friends and family. This isolation might be gradual or due to your partner’s direct influence. Either way, losing connection with your support network is concerning and can leave you overly dependent on your partner for emotional fulfilment.
12. Your partner is controlling or manipulative.
You notice your partner trying to control various aspects of your life, from what you wear to who you spend time with. They might use guilt, threats, or emotional manipulation to get their way. This behaviour is a serious red flag, especially because it implies a lack of respect for your autonomy, and it could end up leading to more severe forms of abuse.
13. You can’t be your authentic self around them.
You feel the need to put on a persona or hide aspects of your personality when you’re with your partner. Perhaps you downplay your achievements to avoid making them feel insecure, or you pretend to enjoy activities you dislike to please them. This constant performance is exhausting and prevents true intimacy.
14. Your personal growth is stifled.
You find that being in this relationship is holding you back from pursuing your goals or exploring new interests. Your partner might actively discourage your ambitions or simply fail to support your growth. A healthy relationship should encourage personal development, not hinder it.
15. There’s a persistent feeling of loneliness even when you’re together.
Despite spending time with your partner, you often feel emotionally disconnected or alone. So much loneliness within the relationship can be more painful than being single. It might even point to a lack of emotional intimacy or a fundamental incompatibility in how you connect with each other.
16. You’re staying out of fear or comfort rather than love.
When you honestly assess your reasons for staying in the relationship, you realise it’s more about fear of being alone or the comfort of familiarity, rather than genuine love and companionship. While change can be scary, staying in an unfulfilling relationship out of fear or comfort can keep you from finding true happiness and compatibility.
