Some people just have a knack for getting under your skin.
Whether it’s a snarky comment, a passive-aggressive remark, or just a general air of antagonism, dealing with someone who constantly winds you up can be frustrating and exhausting. Before you lose your cool, hear me out. Here are some tips for dealing with people like this.
1. Take a deep breath and assess the situation.
Source: Unsplash Before reacting, pause and take a moment to assess the situation. Ask yourself if the person’s intention is truly to provoke you, or if there might be other factors at play. Sometimes, people say things without thinking, or they might be dealing with their own stressors that are influencing their behaviour. Taking a step back can help you respond more thoughtfully and less reactively.
2. Don’t take it personally.
Remember, the person’s behaviour is a reflection of them, not you. Their words or actions might be rooted in their own insecurities, frustrations, or personal issues. Try to detach yourself from their negativity and remind yourself that their attempts to wind you up are not a personal attack on your character or worth.
3. Respond with calmness and assertiveness.
Instead of getting drawn into an argument or escalating the situation, try responding with calmness and assertiveness. Clearly and firmly communicate how their behaviour is affecting you, without resorting to insults or counterattacks. This can help to disarm the person and prevent the situation from spiralling out of control.
4. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
If someone is consistently pushing your buttons, it’s important to establish clear boundaries and communicate them assertively. Let them know what behaviours are unacceptable and what consequences they can expect if they continue to cross those lines. This can help to protect your emotional well-being and create a safer space for interaction.
5. Use humour to defuse the situation.
Sometimes, a well-timed joke or a witty remark can take the wind out of someone’s sails. If you can find a way to make light of the situation without being hurtful or condescending, it might help to ease the tension and change the dynamic of the interaction. Just be mindful of not using humour as a way to avoid addressing the underlying issue.
6. Practice active listening and try to understand their perspective.
Source: Unsplash Even if you disagree with someone’s opinions or behaviour, try to understand where they’re coming from. Ask open-ended questions, listen to their responses without interrupting, and try to empathise with their feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it can help to de-escalate the situation and find common ground.
7. Take a break and remove yourself from the situation.
Source: Unsplash If the conversation becomes heated, or you feel yourself getting triggered, don’t be afraid to take a break and step away. Excuse yourself politely and go for a walk, listen to some music, or do something that helps you to calm down and regain your composure. Returning to the conversation later when you’re feeling more centred can lead to a more productive outcome.
8. Avoid engaging in power struggles or trying to win the argument.
Source: Unsplash When dealing with someone who loves to wind you up, it’s easy to get caught in a power struggle or try to prove that you’re right. But this often backfires and only escalates the conflict. Instead of trying to win the argument, focus on communicating your needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully. Remember, you don’t need to convince them of anything; you simply need to protect your own well-being.
9. Don’t get hooked into their drama.
Source: Unsplash Some people thrive on drama and conflict. If you find yourself getting emotionally invested in their attempts to wind you up, you’re playing right into their hands. Try to remain detached and avoid getting caught up in their negativity. This might mean changing the subject, walking away, or simply refusing to engage in their drama.
10. Use “I” statements to express your feelings.
Source: Unsplash When communicating your feelings to the person who is winding you up, use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, instead of saying “You’re always so annoying,” try saying “I feel frustrated when you do that because…” This focuses on your own emotions and experiences, rather than blaming or attacking the other person.
11. Practice empathy, even if it’s hard.
Source: Unsplash Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and understand what might be driving their behaviour. Are they going through a difficult time? Are they feeling insecure or threatened? While it doesn’t excuse their actions, empathising with their perspective can help you respond with more compassion and understanding, which might even help to defuse the situation.
12. Don’t stoop to their level.
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to retaliate with insults or passive-aggressive comments when someone is trying to wind you up. But resist the urge to stoop to their level. It won’t solve the problem and will only make you feel worse in the long run. Take the high road and maintain your dignity and composure.
13. Forgive, but don’t forget.
Source: Unsplash If you choose to forgive the person who is winding you up, it doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or condone their behaviour. It simply means you’re choosing to let go of the anger and resentment so that you can move on. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not them, and it can help you to heal and find peace.
14. Focus on your own well-being.
Source: Unsplash Dealing with someone who constantly winds you up can be draining. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself and prioritising your own well-being. This might involve spending time with supportive friends and family, engaging in activities you enjoy, practising relaxation techniques, or getting professional help if needed.
15. Consider if the relationship is worth saving.
Source: Unsplash If someone is consistently toxic and their behaviour is causing you significant distress, it might be time to reassess the relationship. Is this person adding value to your life, or are they constantly draining your energy and undermining your well-being? Sometimes, the healthiest decision is to walk away from a relationship that is no longer serving you.
16. Remember, you have the power to choose your response.
Source: Unsplash Ultimately, you have the power to choose how you respond to someone who is trying to wind you up. You can choose to react with anger and frustration, or you can choose to respond with calmness, assertiveness, and compassion. Remember, you are not a victim of their behaviour. You have the power to control your own emotions and reactions, and to create a life that is free from negativity and drama.
