Your partner finding out you’ve been unfaithful completely destroys their trust in you, and rebuilding it isn’t easy.
If you want to fix things and your partner is actually open to it, you have to be prepared for a long, difficult process — one that requires patience, honesty, and a real commitment to change. It’s more than just apologising in words; it’s about proving, through your behaviour, that you can be trusted again. If you’re serious about making things right, here’s how to start repairing the damage.
1. Accept full responsibility without excuses.
The worst thing you can do is try to justify or downplay what happened. Saying “It didn’t mean anything” or “It was just a mistake” won’t make your partner feel any better. In fact, it’ll probably make them trust you even less.
If you want to rebuild trust, you have to own up to what you did, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Admit that you hurt them, acknowledge the damage, and don’t shift the blame onto them or external circumstances. Taking full responsibility is the first step toward proving you’re serious about change.
2. Give them space to process their emotions.
After being cheated on, your partner is going to go through a rollercoaster of emotions — anger, sadness, confusion, and everything in between. You might want to fix things right away, but they need time to process what happened.
Let them express their feelings without getting defensive. Don’t try to rush them into forgiving you just because you feel guilty. Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight, and pushing them to “move on” will only make them feel like their pain isn’t being taken seriously.
3. Answer their questions honestly, even the uncomfortable ones.
Source: Unsplash They’re going to have questions, and some of them will be brutal. They might want to know why you did it, how long it went on, or even specific details. It might be tempting to hold back or sugarcoat the truth, but that will only create more suspicion.
Being fully honest, even when it’s painful, is the only way to start rebuilding trust. Lies, even small ones, will only confirm their worst fears. If they find out you’ve hidden something later, any progress you’ve made will be instantly undone.
4. Show genuine remorse, not just guilt.
Source: Unsplash There’s a difference between feeling guilty and feeling genuinely sorry. Guilt is about you — feeling bad, regretting the consequences, wanting to move past it. Remorse, on the other hand, is about them — recognising how deeply you’ve hurt them and wanting to make things right.
Real remorse means focusing on their feelings, not just your own discomfort. If your apologies are centred around making yourself feel better, rather than acknowledging their pain, they’ll see right through it.
5. Be transparent in everything you do.
Source: Unsplash Right now, your partner doesn’t trust you, and they have every reason not to. If you want to rebuild that trust, you need to prove, day by day, that you have nothing to hide. That might mean sharing passwords, being open about your whereabouts, or checking in more often. It’s not about being controlled; it’s about showing that you’re willing to be an open book until they feel secure again. Over time, as trust is rebuilt, these extra measures won’t be needed as much.
6. Cut off all contact with the person you cheated with.
If you’re still in touch with the person you cheated with, even casually, trust will never be restored. Your partner needs to know that there’s zero possibility of it happening again.
That means blocking them, avoiding places where you might run into them, and making it clear that they are no longer part of your life. Even if you think staying friends is harmless, your partner won’t see it that way—and honestly, they shouldn’t have to.
7. Let your actions do the talking.
Apologies are important, but words mean nothing if your behaviour doesn’t change. You can say you’re sorry a million times, but if you’re still acting shady, dismissing their feelings, or refusing to be open, they won’t believe you.
Trust is rebuilt through consistent, honest actions. Show up when you say you will, be where you say you’ll be, and follow through on every promise you make. In the long run, your actions will speak louder than anything you could say.
8. Expect setbacks and be patient with them.
Just because your partner agrees to try again doesn’t mean everything goes back to normal. They’ll have bad days where the pain resurfaces, and you have to be prepared for that. They might suddenly bring it up during an argument, get distant, or struggle with trust even when you haven’t done anything wrong. Instead of getting frustrated, remind yourself that this is part of the process. Be patient, reassure them, and don’t act like they’re overreacting.
9. Identify and fix the issues that led to the cheating.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Whether it was boredom, insecurity, lack of communication, or something else, there’s usually an underlying issue that led to it. If you don’t address that, you risk falling into the same patterns.
That doesn’t mean blaming external problems for your actions, but it does mean taking a hard look at why it happened. Therapy, deep conversations, and self-reflection can help uncover the root cause so it doesn’t happen again.
10. Give them full control over whether they stay or go.
No matter how badly you want to fix things, your partner has every right to walk away. Rebuilding trust is a choice, and they have to decide if they’re willing to try. Pressuring them to stay, making them feel guilty for struggling, or trying to rush forgiveness will only push them further away. Let them make their own decision, and if they choose to stay, make sure you prove to them that it was worth it.
11. Set clear boundaries to prevent it from happening again.
If you’re serious about rebuilding trust, you need to set boundaries that eliminate any risk of repeating the same mistake. That might mean avoiding certain situations, being mindful of how you interact with other people, or being more honest about your feelings. Those boundaries shouldn’t just be about making your partner feel better — they should be about making sure you don’t put yourself in a position where cheating could happen again.
12. Work on rebuilding intimacy.
Cheating damages not just emotional trust but physical intimacy as well. Your partner might struggle to feel close to you, and it’s going to take time to rebuild that connection. Don’t rush them, and don’t expect things to go back to normal right away. Focus on emotional closeness first — communication, quality time, reassurance — before expecting physical intimacy to return naturally.
13. Be prepared to answer the same questions more than once.
Even after you’ve explained what happened, your partner might ask again. They might go over the details repeatedly, trying to process everything. That’s not them trying to punish you — it’s them trying to make sense of something that shattered their trust. If you get defensive or impatient, it only makes them feel like you’re hiding something.
14. Be mindful of their triggers.
Certain places, dates, or even phrases might remind them of what happened. What seems like no big deal to you might bring back painful memories for them. Pay attention to what upsets them and make adjustments. If they don’t want you going to a specific bar or hanging out with certain people, respect that — it’s part of rebuilding their sense of security.
15. Prove that you’ve changed, not just that you regret it.
Regret is about feeling bad for what you did—change is about making sure it never happens again. If you’re serious about rebuilding trust, focus on self-improvement and growth. That means improving communication, being more honest, and making better choices in all areas of your life. Trust isn’t just about this one mistake; it’s about showing you’re committed to being a better partner overall.
16. Accept that forgiveness might take longer than you want.
You might want things to go back to normal quickly, but your partner gets to decide how long they need. Forgiveness isn’t a switch they can flip — it’s a process, and it happens on their terms, not yours. If you’re patient, consistent, and genuinely committed to rebuilding trust, there’s a chance to heal. But if you expect instant forgiveness, you’re missing the whole point. Trust takes time — prove you’re worth it.
