There’s no worse feeling than being in a relationship, but feeling like you might as well be on your own.
Obviously, independence and having your own life outside of the one you’ve built with your partner are important, but so is feeling like you have a teammate, someone there to support you when the going gets tough. You would never want your partner to feel like they’re alone, even when you’re right beside them, but saying these things can lead to exactly that. Tread carefully!
1. “This isn’t really a big deal.”
When your partner opens up about something that’s bothering them, dismissing it as no big deal sends a clear message: their feelings don’t matter. Even if it seems minor to you, it’s major to them, and brushing it off creates emotional distance. Instead, try saying, “I want to understand why this is important to you.” Showing interest in their perspective builds trust and strengthens the emotional bond between you.
2. “You’re overreacting, just like last time.”
Bringing up past reactions only adds fuel to the fire. It makes your partner feel like their current feelings are being judged against an unfair standard. Everyone experiences emotions differently, and what may seem small to you could feel overwhelming to them. A better response might be, “I can see this is upsetting you—let’s talk about it.” Creating a space for them to express themselves without fear of comparison encourages understanding and connection.
3. “Why can’t you just get over it?”
Processing emotions takes time, and pressuring someone to “move on” only makes things worse. It implies that their feelings are a burden or an inconvenience. Instead, ask, “What do you need from me right now?” This way, it’s more about supporting them rather than rushing them. Patience and understanding go a long way in creating a safe space for your partner to heal.
4. “I’m too tired to deal with this right now.”
It’s okay to feel drained, but consistently putting off important conversations signals that your partner’s concerns aren’t a priority. If you’re truly too tired, acknowledge it while making a plan: “I want to give this the attention it deserves. Can we talk about it tomorrow morning?” Following through on that promise shows respect and commitment to the relationship.
5. “You always make everything about you.”
Using words like “always” or “never” creates defensiveness and shuts down productive dialogue. Instead of generalising, focus on specific instances: “I feel like I haven’t had a chance to share my perspective on this.” This way, you have more of a chance of understanding each other instead of getting into an argument.
6. “Figure it out yourself.”
Independence is healthy, but outright refusing to help your partner when they need it creates a sense of isolation. Sometimes, they’re not just looking for solutions—they’re looking for connection. Try saying, “Let’s tackle this together.” Offering support, even in small ways, strengthens the sense of partnership in your relationship.
7. “I told you this would happen.”
Nobody likes a “told you so,” especially when they’re already feeling vulnerable. While it’s tempting to point out that you were right, it’s far more helpful to say, “How can I help now?” This shifts the focus from the past to the present, showing that you’re more interested in being supportive than in keeping score.
8. “Everyone else thinks you’re being unreasonable.”
Bringing in other people’s opinions during a disagreement only adds unnecessary tension. It can make your partner feel ganged up on and isolated. Instead, keep the conversation between the two of you. Try saying, “I want to understand where you’re coming from.” This keeps the focus on resolving the issue together.
9. “Maybe you should talk to your therapist about it.”
While therapy is an excellent tool, suggesting it during a heated moment can come across as dismissive or even insulting. A more supportive approach might be, “I want to understand what’s bothering you—let’s talk.” This shows that you’re willing to engage with their emotions instead of outsourcing the responsibility.
10. “Just wait until you have real problems.”
Comparing struggles diminishes your partner’s current experience and implies their feelings aren’t valid. Everyone’s challenges are relative, and dismissing them creates distance. Instead, validate their feelings by saying, “I can see this is hard for you—how can I help?” Acknowledging their emotions makes them feel seen and supported.
11. “Stop being so sensitive.”
Sensitivity is often tied to emotional depth and awareness, not weakness. Criticising it only creates shame around their feelings. A better response would be, “I can see this is affecting you—can you tell me more about it?” Embracing your partner’s emotions instead of dismissing them builds trust and intimacy.
12. “We talked about this already.”
If an issue keeps coming up, it means it hasn’t been fully resolved. Instead of shutting the conversation down, try saying, “Let’s look at this from another angle.” Revisiting the topic with a fresh perspective shows that you’re willing to work through it together, rather than brushing it aside.
13. “You’re just like your mum/dad.”
Bringing family dynamics into a disagreement is a low blow, especially if it’s framed negatively. It shifts the focus from the actual issue to personal insecurities, making it harder to move forward. Keep the conversation focused on the present moment, and avoid comparisons altogether.
14. “I don’t have time for this drama.”
Labelling your partner’s emotions as “drama” invalidates their feelings and creates shame around expressing them. A more compassionate approach would be, “I can see this matters to you—let’s find a time to really talk about it.” Showing that you’re willing to make space for their concerns creates a stronger connection.
15. “You’re making a big mistake.”
Even when you’re worried about their choices, framing it as a personal failure can come across as judgmental. Instead, offer your perspective gently: “I have some concerns—can I share them with you?” This shows respect for their autonomy while still expressing your feelings.
16. “Other couples don’t have these problems.”
Comparing your relationship to other people’s creates unnecessary pressure and ignores the uniqueness of your bond. Every couple has challenges, and focusing on your own journey is far more productive. Try saying, “Let’s figure out how we can work through this together.” Emphasising teamwork strengthens the foundation of your relationship.
17. “This is why people find you difficult.”
Personal attacks disguised as feedback create deep wounds that are hard to heal. Instead of criticising, focus on specific behaviours: “When this happens, it makes me feel…” Going about things in this way invites conversation rather than conflict, and shows that you’re committed to understanding and growing together.
