There’s no use pretending that we’re not all at least a little judgemental — we just are.
We all have our own biases and preconceived notions about people and things that, while not always correct or fair, tend to come out in the things we say. Hopefully, we have the wisdom and maturity to recognise when we’re being awful and stop short. However, if you tend to say these things a lot, you may be letting your judgemental side run a bit too wild.
1. “I’m not judging, but…”
Spoiler alert: you are judging. If you catch yourself starting a sentence this way, it might be worth a rethink. Try rephrasing your thought or, better yet, keep it to yourself if it’s not constructive.
2. “You should really…”
Unless someone’s asked for your advice, telling them what they should do can come across as pretty preachy. We’re all just muddling through life, aren’t we? No one’s got it all figured out. Instead of “should”, try asking, “Have you considered…?” to make it more of a conversation.
3. “I would never…”
Never say never, right? Saying this implies you’re somehow better than the person you’re talking about. Life’s complicated, and you never know what you might do in someone else’s shoes. Maybe try to understand their perspective instead of dismissing their choices outright.
4. “That’s not how I was raised.”
Different strokes for different folks, as the saying goes. Just because something wasn’t done in your house doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Saying things like this can make people feel like you think your upbringing was somehow better than theirs. Remember, there’s no one “right” way to do things in life.
5. “If I were you, I’d…”
But you’re not them, are you? This one’s tricky because you might be trying to help, but it can come across as if you think you know better. Everyone’s circumstances are different. Instead, try asking, “What do you think your options are?” to help them problem-solve.
6. “No offence, but…”
This is usually followed by something offensive. If you feel the need to preface your statement with this, it might be worth keeping it to yourself. If you really must say it, try to rephrase it in a more constructive, less confrontational way.
7. “You’re too sensitive.”
Ouch. This one’s a double whammy — not only are you judging their feelings, but you’re also invalidating them. Everyone’s entitled to their emotions, even if you don’t understand them. Try to empathise instead of dismissing their feelings.
8. “That’s just lazy.”
Calling someone lazy is a pretty harsh judgement. There could be all sorts of reasons why someone’s not doing something, from mental health issues to being overwhelmed. It’s best not to assume. If you’re concerned, try asking if everything’s okay or if they need any help.
9. “Why can’t you just…”
This phrase makes it sound like you think the solution is simple, and the other person is just being difficult. Life’s rarely that straightforward, is it? Instead of this, try asking, “What’s making this challenging for you?” to better understand their perspective.
10. “It’s not that hard.”
What’s easy for you might be a real challenge for someone else. This dismisses other people’s struggles and can make them feel like they’re lacking in some way. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and that’s perfectly okay.
11. “Well, when I was your age…”
Times change, don’t they? Comparing your experiences to someone else’s, especially across generations, often comes across as judgemental. Each era has its own challenges. Instead of comparing, try to listen and understand their unique experiences.
12. “You always…”
Sweeping statements like this are rarely true and can make people feel like you’ve got them pigeonholed. We’re all more complex than our habits might suggest. Try to focus on specific instances rather than generalising behaviour.
13. “They’re not like us.”
This us-vs-them mentality is a breeding ground for judgement. It implies that being different is somehow worse, which is a slippery slope to prejudice. Work on welcoming diversity instead — our differences make life more interesting and can teach us a lot.
14. “I don’t understand why anyone would…”
Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s wrong. This can make people feel like they need to justify their choices or preferences to you. If you’re genuinely curious, try phrasing it as a question instead of a statement.
15. “That’s so trashy.”
Yikes. Calling something or someone trashy is pretty harsh. It’s a loaded term that often comes with class judgements. Maybe consider why you feel that way instead of labelling things. Remember, one person’s rubbish might be another’s treasure.
16. “They’re obviously compensating for something.”
This one’s a bit of amateur psychology, isn’t it? Making assumptions about someone’s motivations can be pretty judgemental. You never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head. It’s best to take people at face value rather than trying to psychoanalyse them.
17. “I’m just being honest.”
Honesty without kindness is just cruelty. If you find yourself using this phrase, it might be worth considering whether your “honesty” is really necessary or helpful. There’s usually a way to be truthful without being hurtful if you take the time to choose your words carefully.
