The idea of “The One” has been romanticised for ages, but it’s time we face reality: They don’t exist.
There’s no magical person out there who’ll tick all our boxes and solve all our problems, and believing there is will only make us miserable. Here’s why the concept of a perfect soulmate is more fiction than fact.
1. People change, and that’s perfectly normal.
We’re not the same person we were five years ago, and neither is our partner. Expecting someone to remain unchanged throughout life is unrealistic and unfair. Support your partner’s growth and grow alongside them. That’s way more rewarding, anyway.
2. Nobody’s perfect, and that’s actually a good thing.
Flaws make us human. If we were all perfect, life would be pretty boring. It’s our quirks and imperfections that make us unique and lovable. Who wants to date a carbon copy of themselves, anyway?
3. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
It’s easy to idealise what we don’t have, but every relationship has its challenges, and chasing perfection often leads to disappointment. Don’t fall for the idea that the ideal relationship exists. Just because you see it on social media doesn’t make it real.
4. Love takes work, and that’s okay.
Real relationships require effort, compromise, and communication. The idea that everything should be effortless with “The One” sets unrealistic expectations. However, it’s much more rewarding this way!
5. We’re all a bit selfish sometimes, and that’s human nature.
Even in the best relationships, people have their own needs and desires. Expecting someone to always put you first isn’t realistic or healthy. People have their own things going on in life, so while you’ll always be a priority to a good partner, you won’t be the centre of their world (nor should you be).
6. Life isn’t a romantic comedy.
Movies and books have sold us a fairy tale version of love. Real relationships are messy, complicated, and don’t always have a clear happily ever after. That’s just life, unfortunately.
7. Compatibility is about more than just chemistry.
While initial attraction is important, long-term relationships need shared values, goals, and lifestyles. “The One” isn’t just about sparks flying. You have to have something beneath the surface to keep you together long-term.
8. People have baggage, and that’s just life.
Everyone has past experiences that shape them. Expecting to find someone without any emotional baggage is unrealistic and unfair. And hey, you’ve got plenty of your own, no doubt!
9. Timing matters more than we’d like to admit.
Sometimes, great people come into our lives at the wrong time. The idea of “The One” ignores the important role timing plays in relationships. It sounds like a cop-out, but it’s definitely true.
10. We’re responsible for our own happiness.
Expecting one person to fulfil all our needs and make us happy puts too much pressure on a relationship. We need to find contentment within ourselves first. You may not want to hear it, but it’s true.
11. There’s more than one person we could be happy with.
The world is full of amazing people. Limiting ourselves to the idea of just one perfect match closes us off to other wonderful possibilities. Do you really want to miss out on that?
12. Growth often comes from challenges.
The idea of “The One” suggests a problem-free relationship, but it’s often the tough things we face together that strengthen our bond and help us grow as people and as a couple.
13. Our needs and wants change over time.
What we look for in a partner at 20 might be very different from what we want at 40. The concept of “The One” doesn’t account for our evolving selves. Not all relationships are built to last, and that’s okay.
14. Relationships require compromise, and that’s not a bad thing.
No two people are 100% compatible. Learning to deal with differences and find middle ground is part of what makes relationships rewarding. You have to be willing to meet each other halfway.
15. The pressure to find “The One” can lead to settling.
When we buy into this idea, we might force relationships that aren’t right or stay in unhappy situations out of fear of being alone. You don’t want to commit to the wrong person because you felt you had to, do you?
16. It’s okay to have dealbreakers.
The idea of “The One” might make us ignore red flags or compromise on important values. It’s healthy to have standards and boundaries. If someone’s not on the same page as you, it’s important to admit that.
17. Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
Long-lasting relationships are built on daily decisions to love and support each other, not just on finding a perfect match. It’s about choosing your partner every day.
