17 Red Flags In A Friendship You Shouldn't Ignore

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Friendships should lift you up, make you laugh, and offer a safe space for sharing both good and bad times.

But sometimes, red flags pop up that signal a friendship might not be as healthy as it seems. Here are some signs that might indicate it’s time to reassess a friendship and consider whether it’s truly serving you.

1. They constantly put you down.

A good friend should celebrate your successes and offer support when you’re down. If your friend frequently makes jokes at your expense, belittles your accomplishments, or makes you feel bad about yourself, it’s a major red flag. Constructive criticism is one thing, but constant negativity can knock your self-esteem and leave you feeling drained.

2. They’re only there for the good times.

True friends are there through thick and thin. If your friend only seems interested in hanging out when things are going well, but disappears when you need a shoulder to cry on, it might be a sign that the friendship is one-sided. A healthy friendship involves both celebration and support, not just fair-weather fun.

3. They make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells.

Do you feel like you have to constantly censor yourself around your friend, afraid of saying or doing something that might upset them? If you’re constantly worried about their reactions and walking on eggshells to avoid conflict, it’s not a healthy dynamic. A true friend should make you feel comfortable and accepted for who you are.

4. They dismiss your feelings or experiences.

When you share your thoughts and feelings, does your friend brush them off, downplay them, or invalidate them? If you feel like your emotions aren’t being taken seriously or that your experiences are being dismissed, it can leave you feeling unheard and unsupported. A good friend should be empathetic and understanding, even if they don’t always agree with you.

5. They’re always trying to one-up you.

Healthy competition can be motivating, but a friend who constantly tries to outdo you can be exhausting and demoralising. If they always have to have the better job, the nicer car, or the more exciting social life, it can create a toxic dynamic where you feel like you’re constantly being measured and compared.

6. They gossip about people behind their backs.

If your friend talks negatively about other people behind their backs, it’s a red flag that they might do the same to you when you’re not around. Gossip can be hurtful and destructive, and it’s not a quality you want in a close friend. A trustworthy friend will respect other people’s privacy and avoid spreading rumours.

7. They’re unreliable and flaky.

two female friends having lunch — Unsplash

Do they constantly cancel plans at the last minute, forget important dates, or fail to follow through on promises? Unreliability can be frustrating and disrespectful, and it can make you feel like your time and friendship aren’t valued. A good friend is someone you can count on, who shows up when they say they will and keeps their commitments.

8. They drain your energy.

Spending time with a friend should leave you feeling energised and uplifted, not drained and exhausted. If you consistently feel emotionally depleted after interacting with your friend, it might be a sign that the friendship is taking more than it’s giving. A healthy friendship should be a source of joy and support, not a burden.

9. They’re constantly negative and pessimistic.

A little venting is normal, but a friend who constantly complains and focuses on the negative can be a real downer. Their pessimism can drag you down and make you feel less optimistic about your own life. A good friend should be able to lift your spirits and offer a positive perspective, even when things get tough.

10. They pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with.

A true friend respects your boundaries and never pressures you to do something you don’t want to do. If your friend constantly pushes you to engage in activities you’re not comfortable with, whether it’s drinking, partying, or anything else, it’s a sign that they don’t respect your choices and might be a toxic influence.

11. They’re overly competitive and jealous.

Healthy competition can be fun, but a friend who is constantly jealous of your achievements or tries to sabotage your success is not a true friend. They might make snide remarks, downplay your accomplishments, or try to undermine your confidence. A good friend should be your biggest cheerleader, not your biggest rival.

12. They take advantage of your generosity.

If your friend always expects you to foot the bill, do them favours, or go out of your way for them without reciprocating, it’s a sign they’re taking advantage of your kindness. A healthy friendship is built on mutual respect and reciprocity, not one-sided generosity.

13. They don’t respect your time or commitments.

A good friend understands that you have other priorities and commitments in your life. If your friend constantly demands your attention, expects you to drop everything for them, or guilt trips you for not being available, it’s a sign that they don’t respect your boundaries or value your time.

14. They lie or withhold information.

Honesty and trust are the cornerstones of any friendship. If your friend consistently lies, hides information, or manipulates the truth, it’s a major red flag. A trustworthy friend will be open and transparent with you, even when it’s difficult.

15. They try to control your other relationships.

A good friend will support your other relationships and encourage you to maintain a diverse social circle. If your friend tries to isolate you from other friends or family members, becomes jealous of your other relationships, or makes you feel guilty for spending time with other people, it’s a sign of possessiveness and control.

16. You feel worse after spending time with them.

Ultimately, a friendship should bring you joy and support. If you consistently feel drained, stressed, or unhappy after spending time with your friend, it might be a sign that the friendship is toxic and not serving you well. Trust your gut feelings and prioritise your own well-being.

17. They apologise without changing their behaviour.

Apologies are meaningful when followed by changed behaviour. If your friend constantly apologises for their hurtful actions but continues to repeat the same patterns, it’s a sign that they’re not truly remorseful or committed to making amends. Actions speak louder than words, and a true friend will make an effort to change their behaviour and treat you with respect.