Everyone has their insecurities, but for some people, the fear of being left behind or losing someone they love can be overwhelming.
No matter how confident someone seems on the outside, or how much they insist they’re just fine, here are some signs someone’s struggling with a crippling fear of abandonment.
1. They’re constantly looking for reassurance about your feelings.
If someone’s always asking, “Do you still love me?” or “Are we okay?” it might be more than just insecurity. People with abandonment issues often need constant reassurance that they’re still wanted and valued. It’s like they’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and your reassurance is the only thing keeping their fears at bay.
2. They have a hard time being alone.
Being alone can feel unbearable for someone with abandonment issues. They might always want to be in your company or feel anxious when they’re by themselves. This isn’t just about enjoying your presence — it’s about a deep-seated fear of being left alone. They might fill their schedule to avoid any downtime, or constantly reach out to friends to avoid being on their own.
3. They’re overly clingy or possessive in relationships.
While it’s normal to want to spend time with your partner, someone with abandonment issues might take it to the extreme. They might get upset if you want to spend time with other friends or family, or they might try to control your social life. Their clinginess comes from a place of fear — they’re terrified that if they let you out of their sight, you might not come back.
4. They have a pattern of tumultuous relationships.
Their fear of abandonment can lead to behaviours that actually push people away. They might pick fights, create drama, or test their partner’s love constantly. This can result in a string of short, intense relationships that end badly. It’s a sad irony — their fear of being abandoned often leads to the very thing they’re afraid of.
5. They’re quick to assume the worst in any situation.
If you’re running late, they might jump to the conclusion that you’re leaving them. If you don’t text back immediately, they might think you’re ignoring them. This tendency to catastrophize comes from their deep-seated fear that everyone will eventually leave them. It’s exhausting for them and for the people around them.
6. They struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
People with abandonment issues often have a hard time saying ‘no’ or setting limits. They might agree to things they’re not comfortable with or let people treat them poorly because they’re afraid of upsetting anyone. The fear of losing someone outweighs their own needs and comfort.
7. They’re people-pleasers to the extreme.
While being kind is great, someone with abandonment issues might take it to unhealthy levels. They put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own, always saying ‘yes’ even when they want to say ‘no’. That’s because they believe they need to be perfect or useful to be worthy of love and to prevent people from leaving them.
8. They have intense reactions to rejection (even if it’s all in their head).
Even small things that might seem like no big deal to other people can trigger intense emotional responses. A cancelled plan or an unanswered text can send them into a spiral of anxiety or anger. Their reactions might seem overblown, but they’re rooted in a deep fear of being left behind.
9. They struggle with commitment, despite wanting close relationships.
It might seem contradictory, but some people with abandonment issues find it hard to commit. They want close relationships, but they’re so scared of being hurt that they keep people at arm’s length. It’s a defence mechanism — if they don’t let anyone get too close, they can’t be abandoned.
10. They constantly need validation from other people.
Their self-worth is often tied to what other people think of them. They may constantly post on social media looking for likes and comments, or they might frequently ask for opinions on their choices. It could be because they worry that they’re not good enough on their own.
11. They have a hard time trusting other people.
Trust doesn’t come easily to someone with abandonment issues. They might be constantly on guard, waiting for the other person to betray or leave them. Their lack of trust can make it hard for them to form deep, meaningful relationships, which ironically can lead to more feelings of abandonment.
12. They often feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
If someone around them is upset, they might take it personally or feel like it’s their job to fix it. This comes from a fear that if they can’t make other people happy, they’ll be left behind. It’s a heavy burden to carry, constantly feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotional state.
13. They have a tendency to cling to unhealthy relationships.
Sometimes, the fear of being alone can keep someone in a relationship that’s not good for them. They might put up with poor treatment or stay with a partner who’s clearly not right for them, simply because the idea of being alone is too frightening.
14. They often feel unworthy or unlovable.
At the core of abandonment issues is often a belief that they’re not worthy of love or belonging. This can manifest as low self-esteem, self-sabotage, or a constant feeling that they’re not good enough. It’s a painful way to live, always feeling like you have to prove your worth.
15. They have difficulty celebrating other people’s successes.
When friends or loved ones have good news or achievements, someone with abandonment issues might struggle to be genuinely happy for them. Instead, they might feel threatened, worrying that the other person’s success might lead them to leave. It’s not that they want other people to fail, but their fear can overshadow their ability to be happy for people.
16. They’re hyper-vigilant about body language and tone.
People with abandonment issues are often extremely sensitive to non-verbal cues. They might read too much into a sigh, a facial expression, or a change in tone of voice. This hypervigilance comes from constantly being on alert for signs that someone might be pulling away from them.
17. They struggle with object permanence in relationships.
When you’re not physically with them, they might struggle to remember that your relationship still exists. This can lead to anxiety when you’re apart or a need for constant contact. It’s as if they need ongoing proof that you haven’t forgotten about them or decided to leave them.
