We all know the stereotypical narcissist: loud, arrogant, and demanding attention.
But there’s a subtler type, the grandiose narcissist, who can be harder to spot. They’re not always brash or overtly self-centred, but their actions and words still reveal a deep-seated need for admiration and a belief in their own superiority. Here are some of their secret signs, the ones most people might not recognise at first glance.
1. They use self-deprecating humour to fish for compliments.
They might casually mention their flaws or shortcomings, but it’s not genuine humility. Instead, it’s a covert way to prompt people to shower them with praise and reassurance. They might say something like, “I’m so bad at this,” hoping you’ll jump in with, “No, you’re not! You’re amazing!”
2. They subtly name-drop or boast about their achievements.
They might not overtly brag, but they’ll find ways to slip in their accomplishments or connections. They might mention their Ivy League education, their influential friends, or their impressive job title in a seemingly casual way. It’s a subtle way to elevate their status and remind everyone of their supposed superiority.
3. They constantly compare themselves to other people and feel threatened by their success.
While they might not openly express envy, they’ll often compare themselves to other people, measuring their own achievements against those of their peers. They might feel threatened or diminished when someone else succeeds, even if it’s in a completely different field or area of life.
4. They have a fragile ego that’s easily bruised by criticism.
Despite their outward confidence, grandiose narcissists are surprisingly sensitive to criticism. Even the slightest hint of disapproval can trigger defensiveness, anger, or a withdrawal of affection. They might lash out, deflect blame, or sulk to avoid facing their perceived flaws.
5. They often interrupt or talk over people.
They believe their thoughts and opinions are more important than anyone else’s. They might interrupt conversations, finish other people’s sentences, or change the topic to something they’re more interested in. This can be frustrating and disrespectful to those around them.
6. They find it hard to empathise with people or acknowledge their feelings.
They might struggle to understand or care about other people’s emotions. They might seem dismissive, insensitive, or even indifferent to other people’s struggles. Their focus is primarily on themselves and their own needs, making it difficult for them to connect with people on an emotional level.
7. They often make promises they don’t keep.
They might make grand gestures or promises to impress people, but they rarely follow through. They might overcommit themselves, underestimate the effort required, or simply lose interest. This can leave people feeling disappointed, frustrated, and even betrayed.
8. They have a tendency to exaggerate or embellish their stories.
Source: Unsplash They might add dramatic details, inflate their accomplishments, or downplay their failures. This is a way to make their lives seem more exciting, important, or impressive than they actually are. It’s also a way to maintain their inflated sense of self and control the narrative of their lives.
9. They often blame people for their problems or mistakes.
Source: Unsplash They have a hard time taking responsibility for their own actions and shortcomings. Instead, they tend to shift the blame onto other people, external circumstances, or even bad luck. This allows them to maintain their self-image of perfection and avoid facing their own flaws or weaknesses.
10. They have a strong need for control and try to manipulate situations to their advantage.
They like to be in charge and have things their way. They might use manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or charm, to get what they want. They might also try to control the narrative, manipulate information, or undermine people to maintain their position of power.
11. They have a sense of entitlement and expect special treatment.
They believe they deserve more than everyone else and should be given preferential treatment. They might expect people to cater to their needs, go out of their way to please them, or make exceptions for them. This sense of entitlement can be frustrating and off-putting to those around them.
12. They have difficulty maintaining long-term relationships.
Their self-centredness lack of empathy, and need for control can make it difficult for them to form and maintain healthy relationships. They might struggle to connect with people on a deeper level, prioritise their own needs over those of their partner, or engage in manipulative behaviours that drive people away.
13. They are often preoccupied with status symbols and material possessions.
They value external validation and often seek it through material possessions, social status, or recognition. They might flaunt their wealth, brag about their belongings, or obsess over their image. This preoccupation with external validation can be a sign of underlying insecurity and a lack of genuine self-worth.
14. They often have a charismatic and charming personality, but it’s superficial.
Source: Unsplash They can be incredibly charming and charismatic, drawing people in with their wit, confidence, and apparent warmth. However, this charm is often superficial and manipulative, used to gain admiration, attention, or control. Once you get to know them better, you might start to see the cracks in their facade.
15. They often react with anger or rage when they feel threatened or challenged.
Source: Unsplash When their ego is bruised, their true colours might emerge. They might become defensive, aggressive, or even verbally abusive. This is a way to protect their fragile self-image and regain control of the situation. It can be a scary and intimidating experience for those who witness it.
16. They often have a history of unstable or tumultuous relationships.
Source: Unsplash Their relationships tend to be marked by drama, conflict, and emotional turmoil. They might have a pattern of idealising, devaluing, and discarding partners. This is due to their inability to maintain healthy intimacy, their need for constant admiration, and their fear of vulnerability.
17. They rarely apologise sincerely or take responsibility for their actions.
Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll find ways to justify their behaviour, shift the blame, or minimise the impact of their actions. They might offer a half-hearted apology, but it’s often insincere and lacking in genuine remorse. This lack of accountability can be frustrating and damaging to those around them.
