Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but sometimes things get seriously off-track.
You can’t put your finger on it, but you can’t beat the sneaking suspicion that something’s just a bit… off. You don’t necessarily want to break up, and you still love them, but you’re sure something’s up. Here are some signs your hunch is right.
1. You’re constantly watching your step with your partner.
If you’re constantly monitoring what you say or do to avoid upsetting your partner, it’s a sign of tension. You probably have a fear of conflict or criticism, but while it’s normal to be considerate, feeling like you can’t be yourself is concerning.
2. Your communication just isn’t where it used to be.
A noticeable drop in how much you talk, text, or share with each other can point to growing distance. While it’s natural for communication to ebb and flow, a constant decline might mean you’re disconnected at the moment. This is especially true if you’re avoiding important topics.
3. You’re no longer making plans for the future together.
If discussions about the future have stopped or one of you seems hesitant to commit to plans, it could suggest uncertainty about the relationship. This might manifest in avoiding talks about holidays, moving in together, or long-term goals. Either way, it’s not a good thing.
4. You’re keeping secrets from each other.
Everyone’s entitled to privacy, but deliberately hiding things from your partner can destroy trust. This could range from small white lies to more major omissions. If you’re reluctant to share aspects of your life, it’s worth considering why.
5. You’re constantly criticising each other.
Regular criticism, especially about personality traits rather than specific behaviours, can be toxic. If you’re always finding fault with each other or feeling defensive, it’s a sign of growing resentment. Constructive feedback is healthy, but constant criticism is not.
6. You’re spending less quality time together.
A decrease in shared activities or meaningful interactions can indicate growing apart. While it’s normal to have individual interests, consistently prioritising other things over couple time might be a red flag. This is especially true if one partner feels consistently sidelined.
7. You’re feeling emotionally disconnected.
If you no longer feel like you can share your true feelings or don’t feel heard when you do, emotional intimacy may be lacking. Your disconnection can manifest as indifference or a sense that your partner doesn’t really ‘get’ you anymore.
8. Your intimate life has changed, and not for the better.
While libidos naturally fluctuate, a prolonged and unexplained change in your sex life could signal issues. This might be a decrease in frequency, lack of intimacy, or feeling pressured. Remember, what matters is that both partners feel satisfied and respected.
9. You’re constantly arguing about the same things.
Recurring arguments that never seem to get resolved can be exhausting and indicate deeper issues. If you’re stuck in a cycle of having the same fights without progress, it might mean you have incompatible values or communication problems.
10. You’re not supporting each other’s goals.
In a healthy relationship, partners encourage each other’s personal growth. If you find your ambitions are being dismissed or undermined, or you’re doing the same to your partner, it’s a concern. Support doesn’t mean agreeing with everything, but it does mean respecting each other’s dreams.
11. You’re keeping score of each other’s mistakes.
If you’re tallying up past wrongs to use in arguments, it’s a sign of unresolved issues. Healthy relationships involve forgiveness and focusing on solutions rather than blame. Constantly bringing up old grievances prevents moving forward.
12. You’re avoiding spending time alone together.
If you’re always inviting other people along or finding excuses to not be alone with your partner, it could indicate discomfort or dissatisfaction. While group activities are fun, a couple should also enjoy each other’s company one-on-one.
13. You’re feeling consistently unhappy or anxious in the relationship.
While every relationship has its challenges, if you’re feeling persistently unhappy or anxious, it’s a sign something’s off. Your relationship should generally bring more joy than stress. If you’re constantly questioning things or feeling on edge, it’s worth exploring why.
14. You’re not being honest about your feelings.
If you’re bottling up your true feelings or pretending everything’s fine when it’s not, it can lead to resentment. Honesty, even about difficult emotions, is crucial for a healthy relationship. If you don’t feel safe expressing yourself, that’s a red flag.
15. You’re turning to other people instead of your partner for emotional support.
While it’s healthy to have a support network, consistently looking for emotional comfort from other people instead of your partner can indicate a problem. If you find yourself hiding your vulnerabilities or struggles from your partner, it’s worth examining why.
16. You’re fantasising about being single or with someone else.
Occasional daydreams are normal, but if you’re constantly imagining life without your partner or with someone else, it could signal dissatisfaction. These persistent thoughts might indicate unmet needs or a desire for change in your current relationship.
17. You’re not treating each other with basic respect.
If there’s a pattern of disrespectful behaviour — like name-calling, dismissing feelings, or purposely embarrassing each other — it’s a serious concern. Respect is fundamental in any relationship. Without it, trust and intimacy can’t thrive. Even in disagreements, mutual respect should be maintained.
