Ah, new relationship energy (NRE) — that intoxicating mix of excitement, butterflies, and the feeling that you’ve finally found “the one.”
It’s a magical time, but sometimes, what we mistake for passionate NRE might actually be red flags disguised as romance. It’s important to differentiate between healthy excitement and potentially toxic behaviour early on. Here are some signs you and your partner might be venturing into the latter category.
1. They love bomb you with excessive attention and affection.
While it’s flattering to be showered with compliments and gifts, constant attention can be overwhelming, and a tactic used by manipulators. If your new partner is suffocating you with love and affection, it might be a way to control you and make you feel indebted to them. Healthy relationships have a balance of independence and connection.
2. They isolate you from your friends and family.
A healthy relationship encourages you to maintain your existing connections and support system. If your new partner tries to isolate you from your loved ones, criticising them or making you feel guilty for spending time with them, it’s a major red flag. They might be trying to control you and make you dependent on them.
3. They’re overly jealous and possessive.
A little jealousy is normal in any relationship, but excessive possessiveness is a sign of insecurity and control issues. If your partner constantly questions your whereabouts, checks your phone, or accuses you of flirting with other people, it’s not a sign of love, it’s a sign of trouble.
4. They rush the relationship and pressure you for commitment.
Source: Unsplash New relationships should unfold naturally, with both partners getting to know each other at a comfortable pace. If your partner is pressuring you to move in together, get married, or make other major commitments before you’re ready, it’s a red flag. They might be trying to trap you in a relationship before you see their true colours.
5. They disregard your boundaries.
Healthy relationships respect each other’s boundaries, both physical and emotional. If your partner consistently pushes your limits, ignores your requests, or makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you as an individual. Boundaries are essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
6. They have extreme mood swings and unpredictable behaviour.
Everyone has their ups and downs, but if your partner’s mood swings are extreme and unpredictable, it can be emotionally exhausting and create a sense of instability in the relationship. It’s important to feel safe and secure with your partner, and constant emotional turmoil is not a healthy foundation for a lasting connection.
7. They make you feel guilty or responsible for their happiness.
You’re not responsible for your partner’s happiness, and they shouldn’t make you feel guilty for pursuing your own interests or having a life outside of the relationship. If your partner blames you for their unhappiness or expects you to constantly cater to their needs, it’s a sign of emotional manipulation and a lack of personal responsibility.
8. They criticise your appearance or belittle your accomplishments.
A loving partner should build you up and celebrate your successes, not tear you down. If your partner constantly has nasty things to say about the way you look, makes you feel insecure about your body, or belittles your achievements, it’s a sign of emotional abuse and a lack of respect for you as a person.
9. They try to control your decisions and choices.
A healthy partner will respect your autonomy and support your decisions, even if they don’t always agree with them. If your partner tries to dictate what you wear, who you see, or what you do, it’s a sign of controlling behaviour. It’s important to maintain your independence and make choices that align with your values and desires, not just theirs.
10. They gaslight you and make you doubt your reality.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that involves making you question your own sanity and perceptions. If your partner denies things they said or did, blames you for their behaviour, or makes you feel like you’re overreacting, it’s a major red flag. Trust your instincts and don’t let them manipulate you into doubting your own reality.
11. They’re overly critical and rarely offer genuine compliments.
Constructive criticism can be helpful in a relationship, but constant negativity and criticism can be damaging to your self-esteem. If your partner rarely acknowledges your positive qualities or focuses solely on your flaws, it’s a sign that they’re not truly supportive or invested in your happiness.
12. They have a history of unstable or abusive relationships.
While people can change, it’s important to be aware of your partner’s past behaviour. If they have a history of unstable or abusive relationships, it’s a red flag that they might not be capable of a healthy, respectful partnership. Don’t ignore red flags in hopes that they’ll change for you.
13. They don’t take responsibility for their actions or apologise.
Everyone makes mistakes, but a mature and responsible partner will own up to their mistakes and apologise sincerely. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions, blames other people (especially you!), or makes excuses, it’s a sign that they lack accountability and respect for your feelings.
14. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
If you constantly worry about saying or doing the wrong thing to avoid upsetting your partner, it’s not a healthy dynamic. You should feel comfortable and safe to express yourself without fear of backlash or emotional outbursts. A loving partner will create a safe space for you to be yourself.
15. They threaten to hurt themselves or other people if you leave.
This is a dangerous form of emotional manipulation and should never be taken lightly. If your partner threatens self-harm or violence to control you, it’s a sign of a serious problem. Get help immediately and prioritise your safety.
16. They dismiss your concerns and invalidate your feelings.
Your feelings are valid, and a loving partner will listen to your concerns with empathy and understanding. If your partner dismisses your feelings, tells you you’re overreacting, or minimises your concerns, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you or value your emotional well-being.
17. You feel drained and unhappy more often than not.
While all relationships have their ups and downs, you should generally feel happy and fulfilled when you’re with your partner. If you’re constantly feeling drained, anxious, or unhappy, it might be a sign that the relationship is toxic. Trust your gut and put yourself first.
