Meeting someone new who you really like can be intoxicating — so much so that you overlook the red flags they’re waving like mad.
While it’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge them too quickly, you also have to keep your wits about you to ensure you’re not getting into a bad situation. If you notice any of these warning signs, think twice before moving forward with them.
1. They’re always “too busy” to make concrete plans.
Source: Unsplash If someone’s constantly giving you the runaround when you try to schedule something, it might be a sign they’re not that interested, or they don’t have time to dedicate to a relationship — neither is great. Pay attention to whether they’re trying to offer other times or just leaving you hanging.
2. They never ask you questions about yourself.
A conversation should be a two-way street. If you’re doing all the talking, and they never seem curious about your life, they’re either self-centred or just not that invested in getting to know you.
3. They’re rude to service staff.
How someone treats waiters, shop assistants, or other service workers can tell you a lot about their character. If they’re dismissive or unkind to people they perceive as “beneath” them, it’s a major red flag.
4. They constantly check their phone when you’re together.
While it’s normal to glance at your phone occasionally, constantly being glued to the screen during your time together is disrespectful. It means they’re not fully present or interested in your company.
5. They’re always the victim in their stories.
If every story they share paints them as the person who’s been wronged, it might mean they either have a major lack of self-awareness or an inability to take responsibility for their actions. Nobody’s always the victim in life.
6. They push your boundaries early on.
Whether it’s physical boundaries or emotional ones, someone who doesn’t respect your limits from the get-go is showing you who they are. Trust your gut if something feels off or too rushed.
7. They’re inconsistent in their behaviour towards you.
Hot and cold behaviour can be a sign of manipulation or indecision. If they’re charming one day and distant the next, it might be best to proceed with caution. Behaviour like that often escalates, and you don’t want to be on the other end of it.
8. They make grandiose promises early in the relationship.
While it’s nice to be excited about possibilities, someone who’s making big promises right off the bat might be trying to sweep you off your feet without any intention of following through.
9. They’re overly critical of their exes.
It’s normal to have some negative feelings about past relationships, but if they’re constantly badmouthing all their exes, it might be a sign they’re not over their past or lack the ability to self-reflect. Nothing is ever 100% the other person’s fault.
10. They try to make you jealous.
If they’re always mentioning other people who are interested in them or flirting with other people in front of you, it could be a manipulative tactic to make you feel insecure. Someone who feels the need to do this isn’t mature enough for a relationship.
11. They don’t respect your time.
Constantly showing up late or cancelling plans at the last minute shows a lack of consideration for you and your schedule. It’s a subtle way of saying their time is more valuable than yours.
12. They pressure you to drink or use substances.
Source: Unsplash Anyone who doesn’t respect your choices about what you put in your body is showing a major red flag. This kind of pressure can escalate into more serious boundary violations.
13. They’re secretive about their personal life.
While everyone’s entitled to privacy, excessive secrecy early on can be a warning sign. If they’re reluctant to share basic information about their life, it might be worth wondering why. What exactly are they hiding?
14. They love-bomb you.
Source: Unsplash Excessive flattery and attention right from the start can feel great, but it can also be a manipulation tactic. Be wary of someone who seems too perfect or too into you too quickly.
15. They’re always one-upping you.
Source: Unsplash If every story you tell is met with a “that’s nothing, listen to this” response, it might indicate they’re competitive or insecure. A healthy relationship involves celebrating each other’s experiences, not competing over them.
16. They dismiss your feelings or experiences.
If they consistently downplay your emotions or experiences with phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “it’s not a big deal”, they might lack empathy or be trying to gaslight you. You want someone who can put themselves in your shoes and validate your emotions even if they don’t understand or agree with them.
17. They have no long-term friends.
While it’s not always a deal-breaker, having no long-standing friendships can be a red flag. It might indicate they have trouble maintaining relationships or that people tend to distance themselves after getting to know them better.
