If you’re reading this, you probably have a sinking feeling that your partner’s self-absorbed behaviour is more than just an annoying quirk.
Narcissism is a real problem that can slowly erode your self-esteem and happiness. It’s not always easy to spot, especially when you’re emotionally invested in the relationship. But if you know what to look for, you can identify the warning signs and make the difficult but necessary choices to protect yourself.
1. They dominate conversations and make everything about them
Does your partner constantly steer conversations back to themselves? Do they rarely ask about your day, your thoughts, or your feelings? Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and admiration. They believe their stories, opinions, and accomplishments are far more interesting and important than anyone else’s. They may talk at you for hours without letting you get a word in edgewise. If you try to interject, they’ll likely ignore you or get irritated.
2. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance
Narcissists genuinely believe they are superior to others. They see themselves as special, unique, and entitled to privileges and recognition. They may frequently brag about their achievements, name-drop important people they know, or claim to be experts in various fields. At the same time, they are often dismissive or contemptuous of other people’s accomplishments. If you express pride in something you’ve done, they’ll likely find a way to one-up you or minimise your success.
3. They are obsessed with their image and appearance
While there’s nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance, narcissists take it to an extreme. They are overly fixated on creating and maintaining an attractive, high-status image. They may spend hours primping, always need to wear the trendiest clothes, and panic about minor flaws in their appearance. They are hyper-attuned to what others think of them and are devastated by any perceived criticism or judgment about how they look.
4. They lack empathy and disregard your feelings
One of the most painful aspects of being with a narcissist is their inability to empathise with your emotions. They have little regard for how their words and actions impact you. If you express hurt or frustration with their behaviour, they will dismiss your feelings, get defensive, or blame you for being too sensitive. They consistently put their own needs above yours and rarely take ownership for the pain they cause you.
5. They expect constant praise and validation
Narcissists have an insatiable hunger for compliments and accolades. They expect you to constantly affirm how wonderful, attractive, and accomplished they are. No matter how much you reassure them, it will never be enough. And if you dare to criticise them or point out a mistake they’ve made, they will lash out in anger or give you the cold shoulder. Living up to their need for worship is emotionally draining.
6. They belittle you and erode your self-esteem
To maintain their sense of superiority, narcissists will often subtly put you down. They may “teasingly” mock your appearance, dismiss your ideas as stupid, or compare you unfavourably to others. If you object to their meanness, they’ll accuse you of being too sensitive or petty. Over time, these jabs can severely erode your self-worth. You may start to believe you’re lucky they’re with you, since you’re so flawed and inferior.
7. They are intensely jealous and possessive
While narcissists themselves often have wandering eyes, they tend to be highly possessive of their partners. They see you as an extension of themselves and a source of narcissistic supply. The thought of you giving attention to anyone else fills them with jealous rage. They may try to control where you go, who you see, and what you wear. They may text or call constantly to check up on you. Their jealousy is less about love and more about ownership.
8. They have a short fuse and lash out in anger
The self-esteem of narcissists is extremely fragile. Any perceived slight or challenge to their ego can quickly send them into a narcissistic rage. They tend to react to criticism or disagreement with biting sarcasm, insults, screaming, or the silent treatment. You may feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid triggering their anger. Their love is very conditional on you never undermining their inflated self-image.
9. They exploit and manipulate you to get what they want
Narcissists see other people merely as tools to be used. They have no qualms about exploiting you to serve their own needs and desires. They may pressure you to sacrifice your time, money, goals and friendships to cater to their agenda. They are highly skilled at manipulating your emotions, alternating between charm and coldness to keep you under their thumb. They always put their own gratification above your well-being.
10. They are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions
Does your partner refuse to apologise or admit fault, even when they’ve clearly screwed up? Do they always find a way to pin the blame on you or others? Narcissists cannot tolerate ANY threat to their grandiose self-image. To preserve their facade of perfection, they must deny or rationalise their toxic behaviour. They are masters of twisting the story to absolve themselves and portray themselves as the victims. It’s crazy making.
11. They lie and distort reality to maintain control
Narcissists are so invested in their distorted self-perceptions that they will often outright lie or rewrite history to avoid facing uncomfortable truths. They may tell blatant falsehoods to make themselves look better or to manipulate you into doubting your own judgment. They may “gaslight” you by denying things they said or did, even when you have clear proof. They need to keep you off-balance to maintain their power over you.
12. They are relentlessly competitive and can’t handle losing
Narcissists see everything as a zero-sum competition that they must win. They have to be the smartest, most talented, most desirable person in the room. They will go to extreme lengths to one-up you and prove their superiority. If you accomplish something impressive, they’ll likely try to tear you down or diminish your achievement. And if you (heaven forbid) outshine them, they will pout and sulk like children. The idea of congratulating you is laughable.
13. They are intensely status-conscious and materialistic
Narcissists are obsessed with achieving high status and surrounding themselves with shiny trappings of success. They believe they deserve the finest clothes, cars, homes, and other toys to show off their superiority. They are impressed by celebrity, power, and prestige. But their interest in you depends heavily on how you reflect on their image. If your own accomplishments and character don’t measure up, they may devalue or discard you.
14. They have an over-inflated sense of entitlement
Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and exemption from normal rules and boundaries. They cut in line, ignore traffic laws, and blow off personal obligations. In relationships, they feel entitled to your unquestioning loyalty and submission, while they do whatever they please. They will explode in narcissistic rage if anyone dares to say “no” to them. They genuinely think they are above accountability.
15. They isolate you from friends and family
Narcissists want to be the centre of your world. Anyone else you’re close to is considered a threat. They will often try to isolate you from your support system so you’re easier to control. They may guilt-trip you about spending time with loved ones, badmouth your friends and family, or manufacture crises to keep you focused solely on them. This isolation makes it harder for you to reality-check their toxic behaviour or ask for help.
16. They are pathologically self-centred
When you’re with a narcissist, you quickly realise that EVERYTHING revolves around their needs, feelings, and desires. They never ask about your day. They tune out when you’re talking. If you’re sick, they resent you for not catering to them. They commandeer shared resources and make unilateral decisions without consulting you. You’re not a partner to them—you’re a supporting character in the grand drama of their life.
17. They are incapable of true intimacy and love
Despite their grand romantic gestures and declarations of eternal devotion, narcissists are incapable of the vulnerability, empathy, and selflessness required for authentic love. Their “love” is that of ownership and control. Their compliments and affection always have an agenda—to manipulate you to serve their needs. The relationship is contingent on your utility and subservience. If you express needs or challenge them, their warmth quickly turns ice-cold.
