Most people consider cheating to be unforgivable, and that’s fair enough. (I feel the same, to be honest.)
However, others are willing to overlook infidelity under the right circumstances, especially if they’re in a long-term relationship and their partner is particularly convincing about being sorry and never doing it again. If you ever find yourself in this situation, here are some ways your partner might try to smooth things over.
1. They shower you with excessive affection and gifts.
Source: Pexels Suddenly, your partner is overly attentive, buying you presents and planning romantic dates. While it might seem sweet, this behaviour could be an attempt to distract you from their infidelity or ease their own guilt. Be wary if this affection feels out of character or excessive compared to their usual behaviour.
2. They minimise the significance of their actions.
Your partner might try to downplay what happened, saying things like “It was just a kiss” or “It didn’t mean anything.” They’re trying to make their betrayal seem less serious than it is. Remember, the impact of cheating isn’t determined by the specific act, but by the breach of trust it represents.
3. They blame you or external circumstances.
A cheating partner might attempt to deflect responsibility by blaming you or outside factors. They might say you were distant, work was stressful, or they were drunk. While these might explain their state of mind, they don’t justify their actions. Be cautious of attempts to make you feel responsible for their choices.
4. They promise grand changes and self-improvement.
Suddenly, your partner is committed to therapy, quitting drinking, or making major life changes. While self-improvement is positive, be wary if these promises seem too good to be true or are only made to keep you from leaving. Real change takes time and consistent effort.
5. They use mutual friends or family to plead their case.
Your partner might enlist friends or family members to speak on their behalf, hoping to sway your opinion. These people might share stories of the cheater’s remorse or argue for giving them another chance. Remember, the decision to forgive should be yours alone, based on your feelings and circumstances.
6. They threaten self-harm or drastic actions if you leave.
In extreme cases, a cheating partner might threaten to hurt themselves or make drastic life changes if you end the relationship. This emotional manipulation tactic aims to make you feel responsible for their wellbeing. It’s crucial to prioritise your own mental health and safety in these situations.
7. They constantly remind you of your history together.
Your partner might frequently bring up happy memories or milestones from your relationship. While reminiscing can be nice, excessive focus on the past could be an attempt to make you feel guilty about ending things. Remember, a shared history doesn’t guarantee a healthy future.
8. They compare their infidelity to your past mistakes.
A cheating partner might bring up your past errors, even minor ones, to create a false equivalence. They might say, “Remember when you lied about going out with your friends?” This tactic aims to minimise their actions and make you feel hypocritical for being upset. Don’t let them equate unrelated issues.
9. They claim the affair made them realise how much they love you.
Some cheaters might argue that their infidelity helped them appreciate you more. While this might be true, it’s a problematic way to reach that realisation. Be cautious of partners who frame their betrayal as a positive turning point in your relationship.
10. They rush you to make a decision about the relationship.
Your partner might pressure you to decide quickly whether to stay or leave. They might say things like, “If you can’t forgive me now, you never will.” This urgency denies you the time to process your emotions and make a considered decision. Healing and rebuilding trust take time.
11. They use intimacy as a way to reconnect and avoid discussions.
Physical intimacy can be a way for couples to reconnect, but be wary if your partner initiates sex whenever you try to discuss the infidelity. This could be an attempt to avoid difficult conversations and create a false sense of closeness. Honest communication is crucial for genuine reconciliation.
12. They paint themselves as the victim in the situation.
Some cheaters might portray themselves as victims of circumstances or their own weaknesses. They might emphasise how guilty and tormented they feel, shifting focus to their emotional state rather than your pain. While their feelings are valid, they shouldn’t overshadow the hurt they’ve caused you.
13. They make grand public gestures of apology.
Your partner might make elaborate public apologies, perhaps on social media or in front of friends. While seeming romantic, these gestures can be manipulative, putting pressure on you to forgive publicly. Genuine apologies and reconciliation often happen in private, focused on your feelings rather than other people’s opinions.
14. They use children or pets as emotional leverage.
If you have children or pets together, a cheating partner might emphasise how a breakup would affect them. While these are important considerations, they shouldn’t be the sole reason for staying in an unhealthy relationship. Your wellbeing matters too.
15. They gradually rewrite the narrative of what happened.
Over time, your partner might subtly change details of their infidelity, making it seem less severe. They might claim they never actually met the person or that you misunderstood the situation. This gaslighting technique can make you doubt your own memory and feelings.
16. They promise complete transparency but don’t follow through.
Your partner might offer total transparency as a way to rebuild trust, promising to share passwords or let you check their phone. However, if they become defensive when you actually try to verify things, it could indicate they’re not genuinely committed to this promise.
17. They use your forgiveness as a way to avoid consequences.
Once you’ve agreed to work on the relationship, a cheating partner might use your forgiveness to avoid making real changes. They might say things like, “You said you forgave me, so why are you still upset?” Remember, forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event, and it doesn’t erase the need for rebuilding trust.
