17 Things Men Do When They're Secretly Insecure

Ever noticed a few quirks or behaviours in the man in your life that just didn’t quite add up? Sometimes, men have their own unique ways of dealing with insecurity, and it might not always be obvious. Here are some of the subtle signs that he might be secretly feeling a little unsure of himself.

1. They constantly seek validation and reassurance.

He might fish for compliments, ask you repeatedly if you love him, or need constant affirmation about his appearance or abilities. It’s like he’s looking for external sources to confirm his worth, instead of believing in it himself. This can be exhausting for you, but remember, it’s not about you, it’s his own internal battle he’s trying to overcome.

2. They downplay their accomplishments or successes.

Instead of celebrating his achievements, he might brush them off as luck or minimise their significance. He might even deflect compliments or credit other people for his hard work. This could be a defence mechanism to avoid vulnerability or the fear of being judged if he appears too proud.

3. They compare themselves to other men.

He might constantly compare himself to other men, whether it’s in terms of looks, career, or social status. He might feel threatened by other men in your life, even if there’s no reason to be. This can lead to jealousy, insecurity, and even attempts to control your interactions.

4. They become overly defensive or argumentative.

If he’s feeling insecure, he might take any criticism or feedback as a personal attack. He might become overly defensive, argue his point to the extreme, or even try to turn the tables and make you feel bad. This is his way of protecting his fragile ego and avoiding any perceived threats to his self-worth.

5. They try to control your behaviour or choices.

This is a classic sign of insecurity. He might try to dictate who you can see, what you wear, or how you spend your time. He might also get jealous or possessive, constantly questioning your loyalty or intentions. This controlling behaviour is rooted in fear and a lack of trust in both himself and you.

6. They have difficulty expressing their emotions.

Many men are conditioned to suppress their emotions, and this can be amplified when they’re feeling insecure. He might have trouble articulating his feelings, bottling them up until they explode in anger or frustration. This can create a disconnect in the relationship and make it difficult to address underlying issues.

7. They boast or brag about their achievements.

This might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes men overcompensate for their insecurities by bragging or exaggerating their accomplishments. They might try to impress you or other people with their stories, possessions, or skills. It’s a way of masking their doubts and trying to earn external validation.

8. They avoid taking risks or trying new things.

Fear of failure can be paralysing for someone who’s insecure. He might shy away from challenges, avoid stepping out of his comfort zone, or refuse to try new things. This can hold him back from personal growth and limit his experiences. It’s important to encourage him to take calculated risks and embrace new opportunities.

9. They are overly critical of everyone they meet.

He might nitpick at the way people dress, talk, or act. He might make snide remarks about people’s appearances or achievements. This is often a projection of his own insecurities, as he tries to make himself feel better by putting people down.

10. They have a hard time accepting compliments.

When you compliment him, he might deflect it, downplay it, or even change the subject. He might feel uncomfortable receiving praise because it challenges his negative self-perception. It’s important to be patient and persistent with your compliments, as it can help him gradually build a more positive self-image.

11. They’re desperate for excessive amounts of attention from other people.

He might crave constant attention and validation from you and other people. He might post a lot on social media, look for approval for his appearance, or try to be the centre of attention in social gatherings. This need for external validation is often a way of filling the void left by his own lack of self-confidence.

12. They are afraid of rejection or failure.

He might avoid taking risks, putting himself out there, or pursuing his dreams because he’s afraid of failing or being rejected. This fear can be paralysing and prevent him from reaching his full potential. It’s important to encourage him to step outside his comfort zone and remind him that failure is a part of life and an opportunity for growth.

13. They are overly concerned with their appearance.

He might spend an excessive amount of time grooming himself, worrying about his clothes, or comparing himself to unrealistic standards of beauty. This preoccupation with appearance can stem from a deeper insecurity about his physical attractiveness and self-worth.

14. They have trouble maintaining healthy relationships.

Insecurity can manifest in different ways in relationships. He might be clingy and needy, constantly needing reassurance and attention. Or he might be distant and emotionally unavailable, afraid of getting hurt. These behaviours can make it difficult to build and maintain healthy, balanced relationships.

15. They engage in self-destructive behaviours.

Sometimes, men cope with insecurity by engaging in self-destructive behaviours like excessive drinking, substance abuse, or reckless behaviour. These behaviours are often a way of numbing the pain or escaping from negative thoughts and feelings. If you notice your partner engaging in these behaviours, it’s important to encourage them to get help and support.

16. They are overly competitive.

He might always try to one-up everyone, even in seemingly trivial situations. He might keep score in games or competitions, boast about his achievements, or try to outdo everyone in every aspect of life. This competitive streak can be a sign of underlying insecurity and a desire to prove his worth.

17. They have serious trust issues.

If he’s been hurt or betrayed in the past, he might have a hard time trusting people, including you. He might be suspicious of your motives, question your loyalty, or have difficulty opening up emotionally. This lack of trust can create a barrier in the relationship and make it difficult to build intimacy and connection.