You shouldn’t have to entertain people all the time, but when you’re in a social situation, you also don’t want to end up boring everyone to tears.
Yes, the best advice is always to be yourself, but there are certain habits and behaviours you might have that could just send everyone to sleep. Chances are, you have a great personality and a lot to offer your friends, but if you do these things, you’re certainly not letting your better qualities shine.
1. You talk about yourself non-stop.
It’s natural (and sometimes even helpful!) to share personal experiences, but constantly steering the conversation back to yourself can be exhausting for everyone around you. Try to balance sharing about yourself with being interested in what other people have to say. Ask questions and actually listen to create more interesting, two-way conversations.
2. You repeat the same stories over and over.
We all have our favourite anecdotes, but telling the same ones repeatedly can quickly become monotonous. Your friends weren’t there, so they’ll never think it was as hilarious/quirky/weird as you do, and they certainly have no interest in reminiscing. Keep track of what you’ve shared with whom, and try to mix up your repertoire of stories.
3. You complain incessantly.
Venting can be cathartic, but constant complaining is draining for people, not to mention a total yawn fest. Try to balance your whinging (because yes, we all do it) with positive stuff or actual solutions to your problems. If you get stuck in a cycle of complaints, pause and redirect the conversation to something a little less miserable.
4. You lack enthusiasm in conversations.
Monotone responses and a lack of facial expressions can make your chats feel flat. Even if you’re naturally reserved, try to show some enthusiasm through your tone of voice, body language, or by asking follow-up questions. A bit of energy can go a long way in making conversations more enjoyable — and will ensure the other person doesn’t feel like you couldn’t care less about what they’re saying.
5. You dominate conversations without listening.
Talking at people rather than with them is a guaranteed way to lose their interest. Learn that always invaluable skill of listening by giving other people a chance to speak, asking thoughtful questions, and showing that you’ve understood what they’ve said. Conversations should be a give-and-take, not a monologue.
6. You stick to safe, superficial topics.
While small talk has its place, constantly keeping conversations at surface level can quickly get boring. Don’t be afraid to delve into more meaningful topics or share your passions. Just be mindful of your audience and the setting to make sure what you’re talking about is appropriate.
7. You overuse clichés and platitudes.
Relying too heavily on common phrases and sayings can make your speech feel unoriginal and dull. Try to express your thoughts in your own words. If you catch yourself about to use a cliché, pause and think of a more personal or specific way to get your point across. You’ve got a big vocabulary — use it!
8. You’re not at all curious about other people or their lives.
Showing little interest in other people’s lives and opinions can make you seem self-absorbed. Learn to be genuinely curious about the people around you. (Why wouldn’t you be? Human beings are fascinating!) Also, make sure you ask open-ended questions and follow up on their responses to show you’re tuned in and interested.
9. You overindulge in gossip.
While a bit of gossip can be enjoyable and relatively harmless, constantly talking about other people behind their backs quickly becomes exhausting and reflects poorly on you. After all, if you’re willing to talk about someone else with this person, why wouldn’t you talk about them with someone else? Get more interesting (and less toxic) things to talk about.
10. You never express any opinions.
Always agreeing or sitting on the fence can make your conversations feel bland. Don’t be afraid to respectfully share your views, even if they’re totally different from other people’s — especially then! Having opinions and being able to discuss them thoughtfully can make conversations more enjoyable and less boring.
11. You rely too heavily on your phone.
Constantly checking your phone during face-to-face interactions is not only rude, but also makes you seem disinterested and dull. Try to be present in the moment and give your full attention to the people you’re with. If you desperately need to check your phone — and no, I don’t mean to check TikTok or Instagram — say you’re sorry and keep it brief.
12. You don’t vary your routine or try new things.
Always sticking to the same activities or places can make you seem predictable and uninteresting. Make an effort to step out of your comfort zone occasionally. Try new experiences, visit different places, or take up a new hobby. It’ll give you a lot more to talk about and make you far more engaging.
13. You struggle to read social cues.
Missing signals that other people are bored or want to end the conversation can make social situations uncomfortable. Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and verbal cues. If someone seems checked out or just over it, try changing the subject or wrapping up the conversation. You wouldn’t want to overstay your welcome, would you?
14. You overuse jargon or technical language.
While it’s great to be an expert at something, constantly using specialised terminology can alienate people who don’t share (or even care about) your background. Try to gauge your audience’s level of understanding and adjust your language accordingly. It’s impressive that you’re a chemical engineer, but maybe leave the ins and outs of polymerisation for your colleagues.
15. You lack a sense of humour.
Taking everything too seriously can make conversations feel heavy and dull. Try to lighten the mood occasionally with appropriate humour or by seeing the funny side of situations. Remember, you don’t need to be a comedian — even a willingness to laugh at yourself can make you more enjoyable to be around.
16. You shy away from deeper conversations.
Always keeping things light and avoiding more meaningful discussions can make you seem shallow. Don’t be afraid to dive into deeper conversations when appropriate. Sharing your thoughts on more complex topics can create stronger connections and more interesting conversations.
17. You fail to show empathy.
Responding to other people’s experiences or emotions with indifference can make you seem cold and uninteresting. Practise putting yourself in other people’s shoes and responding with genuine empathy. This makes you more engaging and helps build stronger, more meaningful relationships.
