Narcissists are known for being manipulative, and admittedly, they’re usually pretty good at employing subtle (or not-so-subtle) tactics to control situations and people.
Unfortunately, their methods aren’t exactly foolproof. Once you realise what you’re up against, suddenly, all their tricks lose power. However, getting there requires being able to spot these behaviours for what they are so you can stand your ground. While narcissists hope you won’t notice them doing these things, keep your eyes peeled!
1. Twisting reality
A narcissist’s favourite move? Making you question your own memory or perception. They might insist, “That’s not what I said,” or act like you’re blowing things out of proportion. Over time, their constant gaslighting can make you second-guess everything, even your instincts. But the moment you trust yourself again, their grip loosens.
2. Overwhelming you with affection
Source: Unsplash In the early days, they might pour on the charm—think constant compliments, extravagant gestures, and undivided attention. It feels intoxicating at first, but it’s often a calculated move to get you hooked. Once they’ve reeled you in, the affection fades, leaving you chasing what they gave so freely before.
3. Turning everything into a pity party
Somehow, they’re always the victim. Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll spin the story to make it seem like you’ve hurt them. It’s exhausting and can make you feel guilty for calling out their behaviour. But don’t fall for it—sympathy isn’t the same as accountability.
4. Dragging other people into the mix
Source: Unsplash A narcissist loves to create chaos by comparing you to other people or gossiping behind your back. Suddenly, you’re wondering if someone else is getting the affection or approval you crave. They do this to keep you insecure and on edge. Recognising this tactic can help you step out of their web.
5. Knocking you down with constant criticism
Their jabs might sound like “helpful advice” or “honest feedback,” but it’s a steady stream of negativity aimed at making you feel small. Over time, you might find yourself seeking their approval just to feel good again. Breaking this cycle means realising their opinions don’t define your worth.
6. Weaponising silence
Instead of addressing issues head-on, they’ll give you the cold shoulder, leaving you confused and desperate to make things right. But their silence isn’t about solving the problem—it’s about control. Once you stop chasing their approval, their power over you crumbles.
7. Dodging responsibility
When something goes wrong, it’s never their fault. They’ll pin the blame on you, someone else, or even bad luck. This constant blame-shifting keeps them in the clear while you’re left questioning yourself. Don’t take the bait—responsibility is theirs to carry, not yours.
8. Changing the rules mid-game
Just when you think you’ve met their expectations, they move the goalposts. Whether it’s about how you communicate, how you show love, or how you handle conflict, nothing is ever enough. It’s exhausting, but seeing this for what it is can help you step back from their endless demands.
9. Stirring up drama with emotional explosions
They might use dramatic reactions—anger, tears, or extreme sadness—to manipulate your emotions and regain control. These outbursts can make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure of what might set them off next. Their unpredictability adds to the sense of chaos.
10. Accusing you of their own flaws
Projection is their speciality. If they’re being selfish, dishonest, or manipulative, they’ll accuse you of the same things. It’s a sneaky way to put you on the defensive while avoiding any accountability. The key is to recognise what’s theirs to own and not take it on yourself.
11. Undermining your wins
Achieved something amazing? Don’t expect them to celebrate. They might downplay it, compare it to their own “greater” successes, or even brush it off entirely. They’d rather keep the attention on themselves than let you shine.
12. Playing dumb when you catch them out
When confronted, they might suddenly act clueless. “I didn’t realise that upset you,” or “I didn’t know that was a problem” are classic deflections. It’s their way of dodging responsibility while making you feel unreasonable. Don’t let it slide—call them out calmly but firmly.
13. Creating chaos to stay in control
A narcissist thrives in messy, confusing environments. They’ll stir up arguments, pit people against each other, or create unnecessary drama to keep everyone off balance. The more chaotic things are, the more they can position themselves as the “voice of reason.” Step out of the madness and regain clarity.
14. Pulling away affection when it suits them
When they sense you’re gaining independence, they might suddenly withdraw love and support. It’s a tactic designed to keep you craving their validation. Recognising this push-pull dynamic is the first step to breaking free from their control.
15. Guilt-tripping you into doing what they want
“After everything I’ve done for you…” is a favourite line for narcissists. They’ll make you feel like you owe them, even when their sacrifices are exaggerated or nnon-existent Learning to separate genuine gratitude from manipulation can help you push back.
16. Mocking you in the name of “humour”
They’ll make cutting remarks disguised as jokes, then laugh it off when you get upset. It’s their way of asserting dominance while pretending it’s all in good fun. Don’t be afraid to call it out—respectful humour never comes at someone else’s expense.
17. Making promises they don’t keep
Narcissists love to keep you guessing by making plans they never intend to follow through on. Whether it’s small commitments or big promises, their unpredictability keeps you waiting and wondering. Realising their words don’t match their actions can help you stop relying on their assurances altogether.
