Not all men are naturally confident and charismatic, but that doesn’t mean that women won’t want to talk to you.
However, it does make it a lot harder to actually approach one of us — I get that. While we’re well into the 21st century and there are women who are comfortable making the first move, most of the time, you’ll have to be the one to make your interest clear. Here’s how to work up the nerve to do that if you’re struggling.
1. Work on your self-confidence first.
Confidence is attractive, but it starts from within. Focus on personal growth, pursue your interests, and work on loving yourself. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, it shows. I’m not telling you to fake it — you should be genuinely building your self-esteem. Remember, you’re bringing something unique to the table, and that’s worth being confident about.
2. Respect her space and time.
Be aware of the situation. If she’s clearly busy, in a hurry, or giving off “leave me alone” vibes, respect that. There’s a time and place for everything, and sometimes the best approach is no approach at all. Reading social cues is a must. If you do approach, make sure she has an easy out if she’s not interested in talking.
3. Start with a genuine compliment or observation.
Skip the cheesy pick-up lines. Instead, try a sincere compliment or an observation about the shared environment. Maybe you like her unique style, or you both seem equally confused by the modern art piece you’re looking at. Keep it light, respectful, and relevant to the moment. The key is authenticity — if you don’t mean it, don’t say it.
4. Be yourself, not who you think she wants you to be.
Pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting and unsustainable. If you’re a bit nerdy, embrace it. If you’re passionate about something unusual, let it show. Authenticity is far more attractive than a facade. Plus, if she likes the real you, you’re off to a much better start.
5. Focus on having a conversation, not “closing the deal.”
Approach with the mindset of having an interesting chat, not securing a date or phone number. When you’re genuinely engaged in the conversation, without an agenda, you’re more likely to connect naturally. If there’s mutual interest, things will flow from there. If not, at least you’ve had a nice interaction.
6. Pay attention to body language — hers and yours.
Non-verbal cues speak volumes. If she’s turning away, giving short answers, or not making eye contact, she might not be interested. Respect these signals. On your end, maintain open, relaxed body language. Don’t invade her personal space, and try to appear calm and friendly, not nervous or aggressive.
7. Have something interesting to say.
Stay informed about current events, cultivate interests, and have stories to tell. Being able to engage in meaningful conversation makes interactions more enjoyable for both parties. But remember, it’s a dialogue, not a monologue — be interested in her thoughts too.
8. Practice active listening.
Really listen to what she’s saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Ask follow-up questions that show you’re engaged in the conversation. Good listening skills are rare and attractive. Plus, you might learn something interesting!
9. Be mindful of the setting.
Different environments call for different approaches. A loud club requires a different tactic than a quiet bookshop. Tailor your approach to the setting, and always be respectful of the space you’re in and the people around you.
10. Don’t take rejection personally.
Not every interaction will lead to a connection, and that’s okay. A woman’s lack of interest isn’t a reflection of your worth. She might be in a relationship, having a bad day, or simply not feeling a connection. Thank her for her time and move on gracefully. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t start insulting her, calling her names, or screaming profanity at her.
11. Avoid using alcohol as liquid courage.
While a drink might calm your nerves, relying on alcohol to approach women is a slippery slope. It can impair your judgment and communication skills. Confidence should come from within, not from a bottle.
12. Be genuine in your intentions.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be honest about that. If you’re just interested in casual dating, that’s fine too — but be upfront. Misrepresenting your intentions to get someone’s attention rarely leads to positive outcomes.
13. Practice good hygiene and grooming.
This might seem basic, but it’s worth saying. Good personal hygiene and well-maintained appearance show that you respect yourself and other people. It’s not about being model-perfect; it’s about putting in effort and taking care of yourself.
14. Learn to handle awkward moments with grace.
Source: Unsplash Awkwardness happens. Maybe you stumble over your words or there’s an uncomfortable silence. The key is to not let it derail you. A bit of self-deprecating humour or simply acknowledging the awkwardness can often break the tension and show your human side.
15. Respect her decision if she’s not interested.
Source: Unsplash If she’s not interested, accept it gracefully. Don’t argue, try to change her mind, or ask for explanations. A polite “Thanks for chatting, have a great day” is all that’s needed. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable and says a lot about your character.
16. Don’t put her on a pedestal.
Source: Unsplash While it’s great to admire someone, remember that she’s a human being, not a goddess. Treating her like she’s too good for you or agreeing with everything she says isn’t attractive. Aim for mutual respect and equality in your conversations.
17. Be prepared for success.
Source: Unsplash If the conversation goes well, be ready to suggest a casual next step, like grabbing a coffee sometime. Have a plan, but be flexible. And always be prepared to exchange contact information if there’s mutual interest.
18. Remember, practice makes progress.
Source: Unsplash The more you interact with people, the more comfortable you’ll become. Each conversation, successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and improve. Be patient with yourself and keep putting yourself out there. Confidence grows with experience.
