Some people seem to have a special talent for making everyone around them feel terrible.
Their catty comments are rude, condescending, and even belittling at times, and the worst part is, they don’t seem to care who they offend. They might pretend to be friendly on the surface, but if these things come out of their mouth, they’re hiding a nasty side you’re better off avoiding altogether.
1. “I’m just being honest” is usually code for “I’m being cruel”.
Source: Unsplash This one is the go-to excuse for people who want to say something hurtful without facing consequences. It’s a way of deflecting blame onto the person they’ve just insulted, as if honesty trumps basic kindness.
2. “No offence, but…” always precedes something offensive.
When someone starts a sentence with these words, brace yourself. It’s a weak attempt to soften the blow of whatever insulting thing they’re about to say. It’s like they think this magical phrase grants them immunity from being called out for their rudeness.
3. “I’m not racist, but…” is a prelude to racism.
Saying this is a massive red flag. It’s invariably followed by a statement that is, in fact, racist. People who use this think they’re cleverly disguising their prejudice, but they’re really just announcing it with a klaxon.
4. “You look tired” usually means “You look awful”.
While occasionally well-intentioned, this tends to be used as a backhanded way of telling someone they look rough. It’s especially grating when you’ve actually made an effort with your appearance that day.
5. “I’m surprised you can pull that off” is not a compliment.
This one masquerades as praise, but actually implies that the person wouldn’t normally look good in what they’re wearing. It’s a sneaky way of undermining someone’s confidence while pretending to boost it.
6. “You’re so brave for wearing that” is another insult in disguise.
Similar to the previous phrase, this one suggests that what the person is wearing is somehow risky or unflattering. It’s a subtle way of criticising someone’s appearance or style choices while feigning admiration.
7. “I didn’t expect someone like you to be good at that” reveals prejudice.
This backhanded compliment exposes the speaker’s preconceived notions and biases. It suggests they had low expectations based on some aspect of the person’s identity, which is both insulting and narrow-minded.
8. “You’ve lost weight, you look so much better” can be hurtful.
While sometimes meant as a compliment, this implies that the person looked bad before. It can be especially damaging to those struggling with body image issues or eating disorders.
9. “I’m not trying to be rude, but…” invariably precedes rudeness.
Much like “no offence, but”, this is a weak attempt to absolve oneself of responsibility for saying something unkind. It’s as if they believe stating their intention negates the impact of their words.
10. “You’d be so pretty if…” is never okay to say.
This is deeply insulting, suggesting that the person isn’t attractive as they are. It’s regularly followed by unsolicited advice about changing one’s appearance, which is both rude and presumptuous.
11. “I’m not like other girls/guys” implies superiority over others.
This is often used to seem unique or special, but it actually puts down an entire gender. It suggests that the speaker is somehow better than others, which is both arrogant and dismissive.
12. “You’re smart for a…” reveals deep-seated prejudice.
Whether it’s “for a blonde” or “for a woman in tech”, this exposes the speaker’s biased expectations. It’s not a compliment; it’s an insult wrapped in faint praise.
13. “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking” tends to be untrue and unkind.
This is a common justification for saying something hurtful. It’s an attempt to normalise their nasty thoughts and imply that others agree with them, which is usually not the case.
14. “You clean up well” suggests surprise at your appearance.
While sometimes meant as a compliment, this implies that the person usually doesn’t look good. It’s particularly grating when said to someone who has made an effort for a special occasion.
15. “With all due respect” tends to precede a disrespectful statement.
This is regularly used to soften the blow of a harsh criticism or disagreement. However, it often comes across as insincere, especially when followed by a clearly disrespectful comment.
16. “You’re not like I expected” can be loaded with judgement.
Depending on the tone and context, this one can imply disappointment or surprise based on preconceived notions. It suggests the speaker had made assumptions about the person, which may or may not have been favourable.
17. “I’m not gossiping, I’m just concerned” is often a flimsy excuse.
This phrase is commonly used to justify spreading rumours or talking behind someone’s back. It’s an attempt to paint malicious behaviour as care and concern, which is rarely genuine.
18. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…” usually leads to something offensive.
Similar to “no offence, but”, this is a weak attempt to soften an incoming insult or criticism. It puts the onus on the listener to not be offended, rather than on the speaker to be kind.
