18 Narcissistic Traits You Might Not Recognise Immediately

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Narcissism isn’t always about grand displays of self-importance. Sometimes it hides in subtle behaviours that can be easy to miss. So, how do you spot these less obvious signs? Here are some unexpected narcissistic traits that might be lurking beneath the surface.

1. You never know what they’re truly thinking or feeling.

Maybe they keep quiet instead of disagreeing with someone in a meeting. Or they nod along with a friend’s opinion even if they don’t genuinely feel the same way. While a little diplomacy is important, constantly censoring their true thoughts might be a sign they’re afraid of being judged or disliked if people knew what they really believed. This fear of vulnerability can stem from a fragile ego.

2. Their apologies are sarcastic, not sincere.

Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they might offer a half-hearted apology or blame external factors for their actions. A genuine apology requires acknowledging one’s mistakes and taking responsibility, something narcissists often find difficult due to their inflated sense of self.

3. They give more backhanded compliments than genuine ones.

These seemingly positive remarks often contain subtle insults or criticisms. For example, they might say, “You look great for your age” or “That’s a surprisingly good idea coming from you.” Backhanded compliments allow them to put people down while maintaining a facade of politeness.

4. They get overly defensive when criticised.

Even constructive feedback can trigger a disproportionate reaction in them. They might lash out, deflect blame, or become completely dismissive of the person offering the critique. This defensiveness stems from their inability to tolerate any perceived threat to their self-image.

5. They live for external validation and reassurance.

They crave compliments and approval from other people. They might fish for compliments, brag about their achievements, or constantly want reassurance about their appearance or abilities. This need for external validation often masks underlying insecurity.

6. Their friendships never last very long.

Their relationships tend to be superficial and transactional. They might prioritise friends who offer them admiration or social status. Their inability to empathise or compromise often leads to conflict and ultimately, the dissolution of friendships.

7. They often interrupt or talk over people.

In conversations, they might dominate the discussion, interrupt people, or change the topic to themselves. This behaviour reflects their belief that their thoughts and opinions are more important than anyone else’s. They might also feel impatient or dismissive when other people are speaking.

8. They exhibit a sense of entitlement.

They believe they deserve special treatment or privileges without having earned them. They might expect people to cater to their needs or go out of their way to accommodate them. This entitlement often stems from an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of consideration for other people.

9. They lack empathy and emotional awareness.

They struggle to understand or relate to other people’s feelings. They might dismiss emotions as weakness or show a lack of concern when people are upset. This emotional disconnect can make it difficult for them to form genuine, meaningful relationships.

10. They hold grudges and try to get revenge.

They find it hard to let go of perceived slights or wrongs. They might dwell on past conflicts, harbour resentment, and even plot revenge against those who have crossed them. This behaviour often stems from a fragile ego that cannot tolerate the idea of being wronged.

11. They tend to be manipulative and controlling.

They might use guilt trips, emotional blackmail, or subtle coercion to get what they want. They may try to isolate their friends or partners from other social circles. This controlling behaviour is often driven by a desire to maintain power and influence over people.

12. They project their own insecurities onto other people.

They might accuse people of being selfish, attention-seeking, or manipulative when these traits actually apply to themselves. This projection is a defence mechanism that allows them to avoid facing their own flaws and insecurities.

13. They rarely take responsibility for their actions.

They tend to blame people for their mistakes or shortcomings. They might make excuses, shift blame, or simply deny any wrongdoing. This lack of accountability stems from a belief that they are above reproach and not subject to the same rules as everyone else.

14. They often have an inflated sense of self-importance.

They might believe they are more talented, intelligent, or attractive than they actually are. They might exaggerate their achievements or downplay what other people bring to the table. This inflated ego is often a mask for underlying insecurity and a fragile sense of self-worth.

15. Gaslighting is one of their favourite pastimes.

They might deny or distort reality to make people doubt their own memories or sanity. They might make someone feel like they’re overreacting or imagining things. This manipulative tactic is used to maintain control and power over people.

16. They care far too much about status and appearance.

They might be obsessed with material possessions, social status, or physical attractiveness. They judge people based on these superficial qualities. This preoccupation often stems from a belief that external validation is necessary for self-worth.

17. They have a history of unstable or dramatic relationships.

Their relationships often involve intense highs and lows, with frequent conflicts and breakups. They might idealise their partners at first, but then quickly devalue them when they don’t live up to their unrealistic expectations. This pattern of behaviour reflects their difficulty forming healthy, stable relationships.

18. They really couldn’t care less about other people.

They might ask questions about people, but only to steer the conversation back to themselves. They might interrupt, change the topic, or offer unsolicited advice. This self-centredness reflects their inability to truly connect with people on an emotional level.