It’s so easy when you meet someone you like to go all-in before you even know whether the “love” you feel is genuine.
It might feel real, but fake love is a tricky thing that’s easy to fall for and will leave you heartbroken and unsure whether the real thing even exists anymore. Here are some red flags to beware of and run a mile from, no matter how much you like someone.
1. They’re only around when it’s convenient for them.
In a genuine relationship, both partners make an effort to be there for each other, even when it’s not easy. If your partner only shows up when it suits their schedule or when they need something from you, it’s a sign that their love might not be authentic. Real love involves compromise and sometimes putting the other person’s needs before your own.
2. They’re inconsistent with their affection.
Source: Unsplash One day they’re showering you with attention, and the next they’re cold and distant. This emotional rollercoaster is not a sign of true love. Genuine affection is relatively stable, even if it’s not always at the same intensity. Wildly fluctuating behaviour often indicates that the person’s feelings are not deep-rooted or sincere.
3. They’re overly jealous and possessive.
While a little jealousy can be natural, excessive possessiveness is not love — it’s control. If they constantly check your phone, question your whereabouts, or try to isolate you from friends and family, it’s a red flag. True love involves trust and respect for your independence, not suffocating surveillance.
4. They only say “I love you” when they want something.
Pay attention to the timing of their declarations of love. If those three magic words only come out when they need a favour or want to smooth over an argument, it might be a manipulation tactic rather than genuine feeling. Real love isn’t used as a bargaining chip or a get-out-of-jail-free card.
5. They’re not interested in your life or opinions.
Someone who truly loves you will be genuinely interested in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. If your partner seems bored when you talk about your day, dismisses your opinions, or constantly steers conversations back to themselves, it’s a sign they might not truly care about you as a person.
6. They make you feel insecure about yourself.
True love should lift you up, not tear you down. If your partner frequently criticises you, makes backhanded compliments, or compares you to other people in not very nice ways, it’s not love. Someone who genuinely cares for you will support your growth and appreciate you for who you are, flaws and all.
7. They’re not there for you during tough times.
It’s easy to be loving when everything is going well. The true test of love is how someone behaves when things get difficult. If your partner disappears or becomes unsupportive when you’re facing challenges, it’s a sign their love might be superficial. Real love means sticking around through both the good times and the bad.
8. They’re unwilling to compromise.
Relationships require give and take. If your partner always insists on having things their way and never considers your preferences or needs, it’s not a balanced, loving relationship. True love involves finding middle ground and sometimes putting the other person’s happiness before your own.
9. They’re secretive about their life.
While everyone deserves privacy, excessive secrecy in a relationship is a red flag. If your partner is always vague about their whereabouts, hides their phone, or gets defensive when you ask basic questions about their day, it might indicate they’re not fully committed to the relationship or are hiding something significant.
10. They pressure you for physical intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Love and respect go hand in hand. If your partner pressures you for physical intimacy when you’re not ready or comfortable, it’s a clear sign that their feelings aren’t genuine. Someone who truly loves you will respect your boundaries and be patient with your comfort levels.
11. They’re only affectionate in public.
If your partner is all about public displays of affection but cold and distant in private, it might be a sign that they’re more concerned with appearances than genuine connection. Real love doesn’t need an audience; it’s consistent both in public and behind closed doors.
12. They make grand gestures but neglect day-to-day kindness.
Source: Unsplash While big romantic gestures can be nice, true love is often expressed in small, everyday acts of kindness and consideration. If your partner buys expensive gifts but doesn’t bother to ask how your day was or help with daily tasks, their love might be more about grand performances than genuine care.
13. They’re always comparing your relationship to other people.
Constant comparisons to other couples or their past relationships is a sign of dissatisfaction and possibly fake love. Someone truly in love appreciates the unique aspects of their relationship, rather than wishing it was more like someone else’s.
14. They avoid introducing you to friends and family.
If you’ve been together for a while but your partner is reluctant to introduce you to their inner circle, it might indicate they’re not serious about the relationship. Someone who truly loves you will want to integrate you into their life, including their social and family connections.
15. They get angry very quickly over minor things.
While all couples have disagreements, frequent angry outbursts over minor issues is not a sign of healthy love. If your partner has a hair-trigger temper and often makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, it’s a red flag. True love involves patience, understanding, and respectful communication.
16. They use your insecurities against you.
A partner who truly loves you will try to help you overcome your insecurities, not exploit them. If your partner frequently brings up your vulnerabilities during arguments or uses them to manipulate you, it’s a sign of toxic behaviour, not love. Real love involves building each other up, not tearing each other down.
17. They’re unwilling to plan for the future with you.
If your partner consistently avoids discussions about the future or seems uncomfortable making long-term plans with you, it might indicate their feelings aren’t as deep as they claim. Someone genuinely in love will be excited about building a future together, even if they’re taking things slowly.
18. They make you feel guilty for having a life outside the relationship.
True love doesn’t demand that you give up your individuality or other relationships. If your partner makes you feel guilty for spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or maintaining your independence, it’s a sign of possessiveness, not love. A healthy relationship involves supporting each other’s growth and interests, both together and apart.
