No matter how much you love your partner, if the relationship is dead in the water, it’s only natural that you’re going to start to disengage.
You might not even realise you’re doing it at first. You think you can weather the storm, that somehow, things will magically fix themselves, and you’ll get back on the right track, even though you know deep down that’s unlikely to happen. Instead, your heart starts slowly shutting down, and you know it’s happening because these experiences are all too familiar to you.
1. You don’t get excited to see them anymore.
Remember when you used to feel a buzz just thinking about seeing your partner? If that thrill is gone and meeting up feels more like a chore, it might be a sign your heart’s not in it anymore. You might start making excuses not to hang out or feeling relieved when plans fall through.
2. You’re not interested in their day-to-day life.
If you’re always zoning out when they talk about their day, or you stop asking about the little things, it could mean you’re emotionally checking out. You might realise you don’t really care about their work drama or what they had for lunch anymore.
3. Physical intimacy feels like a task.
When kisses and cuddles start feeling forced, or you’re always “too tired” for sex, it’s often a sign your heart’s not in it. You might start avoiding physical contact or feeling uncomfortable when they try to get close.
4. You daydream about being single or with someone else.
If you catch yourself fantasising about life without your partner or imagining yourself with other people, it’s a pretty clear sign your heart’s drifting. You might start noticing other people more or wondering what life would be like if you were free.
5. You stop including them in future plans.
When you think about your future, if your partner doesn’t automatically feature in it, that’s a red flag. You might begin making plans or dreaming about the future without considering them at all.
6. Their quirks annoy you instead of charming you.
Those little habits that used to be cute? If they’re suddenly driving you up the wall, it could mean your feelings are changing. You start getting irritated by things you used to find endearing, like the way they laugh or how they always forget their keys.
7. You stop putting effort into your appearance around them.
If you used to dress up for dates, but now you can’t be bothered, it might mean you’re losing interest. You might realise you don’t care what they think of how you look anymore or that impressing them just isn’t a priority.
8. You find reasons to spend time apart.
When you start preferring solo activities or hanging out with friends over spending time with your partner, it’s often a sign your heart’s pulling away. You may even start volunteering for extra work or planning more nights out without them.
9. You don’t share good news with them first anymore.
If something awesome happens, and they’re not the first person you want to tell, it could mean they’re not your go-to person anymore. You might realise you’re calling your best friend or your mum with news before even thinking of your partner.
10. You stop defending them to other people.
When friends or family criticise your partner, and you start agreeing instead of standing up for them, it’s often a sign your feelings are changing. You might even catch yourself badmouthing them to other people more than usual.
11. You feel relieved when they cancel plans.
If your heart does a little happy dance when they say they can’t make it, it’s probably not a good sign. You actually start to hope they’ll be too busy to hang out, or feeling a weight lift when plans fall through.
12. You stop sharing the deeper stuff.
When you go through something tough or have a big decision to make, if they’re not the person you turn to anymore, it could mean you’re emotionally distancing yourself. You start keeping more and more things to yourself, and that’s a red flag.
13. You don’t care about their opinions like you used to.
If their thoughts on your choices or your life don’t matter as much anymore, it’s often a sign your heart’s checked out. You might start making decisions without considering their input at all.
14. You stop trying to resolve conflicts.
When you fight, if you find yourself thinking “whatever” instead of trying to fix things, it could mean you’re losing investment in the relationship. You might notice you’re letting more things slide or just not bothering to clear the air after arguments.
15. You don’t miss them when you’re apart.
If being away from them feels more like a relief than something you dread, it’s often a sign your feelings are cooling. You might realise you’re enjoying your alone time more than your time together.
16. You stop talking about them to your friends and family.
When your partner stops featuring in your stories or updates to loved ones, it could mean they’re becoming less important in your life. You might notice you’re talking about other things and other people way more than your relationship.
17. You’re more critical of them than usual.
If you end up nitpicking everything they do or say, it might be your heart’s way of creating distance. You might catch yourself focusing on their flaws more than their good points.
18. You can’t picture a long-term future with them anymore.
When thoughts of growing old together or building a life with them start to feel wrong or uncomfortable, it’s often a sign your heart’s moving on. You might find it hard to imagine them in your life a year from now, let alone forever.
