18 Things Your Adult Children Wish They Could Tell You (But Never Will)

Getty Images/iStockphoto

Ever wondered what your adult children are really thinking?

While parent-child relationships are built on love and trust, there are always some unspoken truths lurking beneath the surface. It’s not about secrets or betrayals, but rather those little things they wish they could tell you, but for whatever reason, never do. Here are some unspoken thoughts and feelings that your adult children might be hesitant to share, but that could deepen your understanding of their lives and perspectives.

1. We appreciate your advice, but we need to make our own mistakes.

Your wisdom and experience are invaluable, but sometimes, we need to learn our own lessons the hard way. Making mistakes is a natural part of growing up, and it’s how we learn and mature. Trust us to figure things out, even if it means stumbling along the way. Your support and encouragement are much more helpful than unsolicited advice.

2. We don’t always want to talk about our personal lives.

While we love sharing our joys and triumphs with you, we also value our privacy. Sometimes, we simply don’t feel like discussing our relationships, careers, or personal struggles. Respect our boundaries and understand that it’s not a reflection of our relationship with you. We’ll open up when we’re ready.

3. Your constant worrying stresses us out.

We know you worry because you care, but your constant fretting can be overwhelming. We’re adults now, capable of handling our own problems. Trust us to make good decisions and navigate life’s challenges. Your confidence in us will help us feel more confident in ourselves.

4. We want you to be proud of us, but not at the expense of our happiness.

Your approval means the world to us, but we don’t want to live our lives solely to please you. We have our own dreams, passions, and goals, and we want you to support us in pursuing them, even if they don’t align perfectly with your expectations. Your unconditional love and acceptance are what we value most.

5. We wish you wouldn’t compare us to other people.

We know you want the best for us, but comparing us to our siblings, friends, or cousins can be hurtful. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we’re on our own unique paths. Celebrate our individuality and appreciate us for who we are, not for how we measure up to other people.

6. We notice when you try to control our lives.

We understand that you want to protect us and guide us, but we’re adults now, and we need to make our own choices. Trying to control our lives can feel suffocating and can damage our relationship. Trust us to make our own decisions, even if they’re not the ones you would make.

7. We want you to respect our partners, even if you don’t fully understand them.

We know you want what’s best for us, but ultimately, we’re the ones who have to live with our partners. Even if you don’t completely understand or approve of our choices, we need your respect and support. Trust that we know what we’re doing and that we’re capable of choosing the right person for us.

8. Your opinions on our parenting choices can be hurtful.

We know you’ve been there and done that, but parenting styles change over time, and we need to find what works for us and our children. Your unsolicited advice on how to raise our kids can be hurtful and undermine our confidence as parents. Offer your support and guidance when asked, but trust us to make the best decisions for our families.

9. We’re not kids anymore, but we still need your love and support.

Even though we’re grown-ups, we still crave your love and approval. We might not express it openly, but your affection and encouragement mean the world to us. A simple hug, a kind word, or a listening ear can make all the difference in our day. Don’t assume that we don’t need you anymore just because we’re adults; your love and support are as important now as they were when we were children.

10. We want you to embrace technology, even if it seems confusing.

We understand that technology can be overwhelming, but it’s a big part of our lives. Learning to use smartphones, social media, and other digital tools can help you stay connected with us and the world around you. We’re happy to teach you and help you navigate the digital landscape. Your willingness to learn and adapt shows us that you’re still open to new experiences.

11. We wish you would apologise when you’re wrong.

Nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. When you’re wrong, admit it and apologise. It doesn’t diminish your authority; it actually strengthens our respect for you. We want you to be humble and accountable, just as we strive to be ourselves. Your willingness to apologise shows us that you value our feelings and our relationship.

12. We want you to take care of yourselves, both physically and mentally.

Seeing you struggle with health issues or emotional difficulties can be heartbreaking. We want you to prioritise your well-being and look for help when needed. Taking care of yourselves allows you to enjoy life to the fullest and be there for us for many years to come. Your health and happiness are important to us, and we want to see you thrive.

13. We wish you would stop trying to fix all our problems.

We know you want to help, but sometimes we just need to vent or talk things through without being offered solutions. Your constant attempts to fix our problems can feel dismissive of our feelings and experiences. Listen to us with empathy and understanding, and offer support without jumping to conclusions or offering unsolicited advice.

14. We want you to be more open-minded and accepting of different lifestyles.

The world is constantly changing, and so are societal norms and values. We might not always fit your expectations or follow the traditional path, but that doesn’t mean we’re not happy or successful. Embrace our differences and celebrate our unique journeys. Your acceptance and understanding will strengthen our bond and make us feel loved and valued for who we are.

15. We need your emotional support, not just financial assistance.

While financial help can be appreciated, what we truly crave is your emotional support. A listening ear, a warm hug, or a few words of encouragement can go a long way in helping us navigate life’s challenges. Show us that you’re there for us through thick and thin, not just when we need something tangible. Your emotional support is priceless and can make all the difference in our well-being.

16. We wish you would stop living in the past and focus on the present.

We know you cherish your memories, but dwelling on the past can prevent you from enjoying the present. Let go of regrets, forgive old hurts, and embrace the joys of today. We want you to live fully in the moment and experience all that life has to offer. Your happiness and well-being are important to us, and we want to see you thriving in the present.

17. We want you to know that we love you, even if we don’t always say it.

We might not express it as often as we should, but we love you more than words can say. Your love, guidance, and support have shaped us into the people we are today. We appreciate everything you’ve done for us and will always cherish our relationship with you. Even when we’re busy or distant, know that you’re always in our hearts and on our minds.

18. We want you to live your own lives and find your own happiness.

We know that you’ve dedicated your lives to raising us, but now it’s your turn to focus on your own happiness and fulfilment. Pursue your passions, travel, make new friends, or simply relax and enjoy your well-deserved freedom. We want to see you living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment. Your happiness is our happiness, and we want you to know that you deserve to be happy.