Most married couples say “I do” with heads full of hopes and dreams for the future.
And while it’s good to have shared goals and standards for what you expect from your partner, there are certain expectations many people have that are not only unrealistic, they’re unhealthy. When they’re not met, the couple inevitably ends up becoming resentful and filing for divorce.
1. Constant romantic bliss
Many couples enter marriage expecting a perpetual state of honeymoon-like euphoria. They imagine passionate embraces and grand romantic gestures daily. In reality, long-term relationships ebb and flow. While love deepens, the initial intensity often gives way to a more comfortable companionship. Couples who can’t adapt to this natural evolution may find themselves disillusioned and questioning their connection.
2. Mind-reading abilities
There’s a prevalent belief that a truly compatible spouse should intuitively understand their partner’s needs, desires, and grievances without explicit communication. This expectation often leads to disappointment and resentment when needs go unmet. Successful marriages require open, honest communication. Partners need to vocalise their thoughts and feelings rather than expecting their significant other to possess psychic abilities.
3. Financial harmony
Many couples assume that marriage will automatically align their financial views and habits. They expect seamless agreement on budgeting, spending, and saving. In reality, financial disagreements are a leading cause of marital strife. Different upbringings and values around money can create significant tension. Couples who fail to address these differences and create a mutually agreeable financial plan may find their relationship strained.
4. Unwavering support in all endeavours
While support is crucial in a marriage, some partners expect unconditional backing for every decision or aspiration, regardless of its impact on the relationship. This unrealistic expectation can lead to resentment when a spouse voices concerns or disagrees with a particular choice. Healthy marriages involve a balance of support and constructive feedback, with both partners considering how their individual decisions impact them as a unit.
5. Perfect in-law relationships
Many newlyweds anticipate seamless integration into each other’s families, expecting instant bonds and harmonious relationships with in-laws. The reality often involves navigating complex family dynamics, differing expectations, and potential conflicts. Couples who struggle to manage these relationships or fail to present a united front in family matters may find their marriage under significant stress.
6. Identical life goals
Some couples assume that marriage automatically aligns their life goals and future plans. They expect perfect agreement on major decisions like career changes, relocations, or having children. In reality, individual aspirations can evolve over time, and partners may develop divergent goals. Couples who can’t navigate these differences or find compromise may struggle to maintain a unified vision for their shared future.
7. Effortless domestic harmony
Many partners expect household responsibilities to naturally fall into place without discussion. They assume chores will be divided equally and that their standards of cleanliness and organisation will align. This expectation often leads to frustration when one partner feels they’re shouldering an unfair burden or when different standards clash. Without open communication and willingness to compromise, these domestic disagreements can escalate into major conflicts.
8. Constant companionship
Some couples enter marriage expecting to spend every free moment together, sharing all hobbies and social activities. This expectation can lead to feelings of suffocation or resentment. Healthy marriages require a balance of togetherness and individual space. Partners who struggle to maintain their own identities or respect their spouse’s need for alone time may find their relationship strained.
9. Unfaltering physical attraction
Many partners expect the physical spark of their early relationship to remain constant throughout their marriage. They may be unprepared for the natural changes in libido, body image, and sexual dynamics that occur over time. Couples who can’t adapt to these changes or openly discuss their evolving physical needs may experience growing dissatisfaction and distance in their relationship.
10. Conflict-free existence
Some couples believe that a truly happy marriage should be free from arguments or disagreements. This unrealistic expectation often leads to shock and disappointment when conflicts inevitably arise. In reality, healthy marriages involve constructive disagreements and the ability to navigate conflicts respectfully. Couples who avoid addressing issues or view any conflict as a sign of incompatibility may find their relationship deteriorating due to unresolved tensions.
11. Unchanged personal freedom
Many individuals enter marriage expecting to maintain the same level of personal freedom they enjoyed while single. They might assume they can continue making unilateral decisions about their time, finances, or social life. This expectation can lead to friction when the realities of shared responsibilities and compromise set in. Successful marriages require a balance between individual autonomy and mutual consideration.
12. Perpetual excitement
Some couples anticipate that married life will be a constant adventure, filled with exciting experiences and novel activities. When the routines of daily life set in, they may feel disappointed or restless. Healthy long-term relationships often involve finding joy in the mundane and creating excitement together, rather than expecting it to materialise spontaneously.
13. Effortless emotional intimacy
There’s an expectation that emotional closeness should come naturally in a marriage, without effort. In reality, maintaining deep emotional connections requires ongoing work, vulnerability, and intentional communication. Couples who neglect to nurture their emotional bond may find themselves growing apart over time.
14. Immediate family blending
In blended families, there’s often an expectation that step-parents and step-children will instantly form close, loving relationships. This pressure can create tension and disappointment when bonding takes longer than anticipated. Successful blended families recognise that building these relationships takes time, patience, and understanding.
15. Unshakeable trust
While trust is crucial in marriage, some couples believe it should be absolute and unwavering from the start. They may feel betrayed by small breaches of confidence or expect complete transparency in all areas of life. Building deep trust takes time and experience together. Couples who can’t navigate the complexities of trust-building may struggle with insecurity and suspicion.
16. Perfect balance of responsibilities
Many couples expect an effortless 50/50 split in all aspects of married life – from household chores to emotional labour. This rigid expectation often leads to scorecard-keeping and resentment. Successful marriages involve fluid give-and-take, with partners stepping up in different areas as needed, rather than adhering to a strict balance.
17. Shared interests in everything
Some partners believe that a strong marriage means sharing all hobbies and interests. They may feel rejected or disconnected when their spouse doesn’t share their enthusiasm for certain activities. Healthy relationships allow for individual passions while finding common ground in shared interests and supporting each other’s unique pursuits.
18. Immediate problem resolution
There’s often an expectation that marital problems should be solved quickly and permanently. This can lead to frustration when issues resurface or take time to resolve. Lasting marriages recognise that some challenges require ongoing work and that problem-solving is a continuous process rather than a one-time fix.
