Talking about your problems or admitting that you’re struggling definitely isn’t easy.
Whether because you’re too proud to cop to not being 100% okay, or you just never learned how to vocalise your emotions (or even identify them in the first place), it’s hard to open up. However, everyone needs a bit of support now and then, but you have to be willing to ask for it. Here’s how to be open about the fact that you’re not doing very well at the moment.
1. Choose someone you trust.
This might seem obvious, but it’s important. Pick someone who’s shown they can keep a secret and won’t judge you. It could be a close friend, family member, or even a therapist. The right person will make you feel safe and supported.
2. Start small.
You don’t have to spill your guts all at once. Start with something minor that’s been bothering you. This can help you gauge the other person’s reaction and build up your confidence for talking about bigger/more intense things.
3. Use “I” statements.
Instead of saying “You wouldn’t understand,” try “I’m finding it hard to explain how I feel.” Besides, how would you know if the other person can understand or relate to where you’re coming from if you’ve never shared? Open up about your experiences, and you might be surprised how much better you feel.
4. Write it down first.
Source: Unsplash If you’re struggling to find the right words, try writing your thoughts down before the conversation. It sounds odd, but it can help you organise your feelings and might make it easier to express yourself when the time comes. You could even read from your notes if speaking feels too daunting.
5. Choose the right time and place.
Pick a moment when you both have time and aren’t distracted. Don’t pick a loud or busy environment — have a chat at your favourite coffee shop, in a park, or even at your house. Make sure you’re comfy and have a bit of privacy so you don’t feel stressed while sharing.
6. Be honest about your nervousness.
It’s okay to admit that you’re finding it hard to open up. Saying something like “I’m nervous about talking about this” can actually make the conversation easier. It sets the tone for honesty and vulnerability, and the other person will likely offer you some additional support to help you feel more comfortable.
7. Use metaphors if direct language feels too intense.
Sometimes, describing how you feel directly can be overwhelming. Try using metaphors instead. For example, “I feel like I’m swimming against the current” might be easier than “I’m struggling with depression.” This can make your feelings more relatable and less intimidating.
8. Ask for what you need.
Be clear about what you’re looking for from the conversation. Do you need advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen? Stating your needs upfront can help the other person understand how to support you best. Of course, maybe you don’t know what you need, and that’s okay too — feel free to say that.
9. Use prompts or conversation starters.
If you’re struggling to begin, try using prompts like “I’ve been feeling… because…” or “I’m worried about…” These can help structure your thoughts and make it easier to start talking. They give you a framework to build your conversation around.
10. Share in bits and pieces.
Source: Unsplash You don’t have to have one big, intense conversation. It’s okay to open up gradually over time. In fact, going about things this way can feel less overwhelming, and it helps you process your feelings as you go. It also gives the other person time to absorb and understand what you’re sharing.
11. Use technology if face-to-face is too daunting.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, typing out your feelings in a text or email can be easier than saying them out loud. If this feels more comfortable, go for it. Just make sure the other person knows it’s important and not just casual chit-chat.
12. Practise self-compassion.
Remember, opening up is brave. Be kind to yourself throughout the process. If you stumble over your words or get emotional, that’s okay. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend in your situation.
13. Be prepared for different reactions.
Everyone responds differently to serious conversations. The person you’re talking to might not react exactly as you expect, or they might need time to process or might not know what to say right away. Try to be patient and understanding.
14. Use “emotion” words.
Try to name your emotions specifically. Instead of just saying you feel “bad,” try to pinpoint if you’re feeling sad, anxious, frustrated, or something else. This can help the other person understand your experience better and might help you process your feelings more clearly too.
15. Share your goals.
If you have ideas about how you want to address your struggles, share them. This can help the conversation feel more constructive and gives the other person an idea of how they might be able to support you. It also shows that you’re actively trying to improve your situation.
16. Use creative outlets.
Sometimes words aren’t enough. If you’re artistic, consider showing a piece of art that represents how you feel. If you’re musical, play or share a song that captures your emotions. Art can sometimes convey what words can’t.
17. Be open to questions.
The person you’re talking to might have questions. Try to be open to them, even if they seem obvious to you. Remember, they’re trying to understand and support you. If a question feels too personal, or you’re not ready to answer, it’s okay to say so.
18. Remember that it’s a process.
Opening up isn’t a one-time event. It’s an ongoing process of sharing, understanding, and growing. Be patient with yourself and the other person. Each conversation is a step towards better communication and stronger connections.
