Love doesn’t just disappear overnight, especially not in a marriage.
In most deeply committed relationships like this, it fades slowly, eaten away by daily patterns that feel small at first—but as time goes on, create distance, frustration, and emotional coldness. Some of these behaviours don’t even look like a big deal on the surface. They come disguised as habits, survival tactics, or ways of coping. However, when left unchecked, they can and often do unravel trust, intimacy, and connection. If something in your relationship feels off, these might be the real culprits.
1. Letting resentment go unspoken
It’s normal to get annoyed with your partner sometimes—but when irritation builds and isn’t talked about, it turns into resentment. That resentment becomes a filter, colouring every interaction and making it harder to interpret things generously.
The more resentment piles up, the more distant you start to feel. Even small moments of kindness stop landing because there’s too much emotional backlog. Eventually, silence becomes a stand-in for connection, and love starts to wilt in the background.
2. Mocking each other’s flaws
Source: Unsplash What starts as playful teasing can slowly become cutting if it targets insecurities or repeats too often. When one partner constantly makes jokes at the other’s expense, especially in front of other people, it destroys those all-important feelings of safety and respect. As time goes on, the relationship can begin to feel less like a refuge and more like a space where you’re always on guard. It becomes harder to be vulnerable when you’re worried you’ll be laughed at instead of understood.
3. Acting like housemates instead of partners
Source: Unsplash Sharing chores and schedules is necessary, but if that’s all the relationship becomes, emotional connection starts slipping away. When partners stop checking in, flirting, or making time for each other, love loses its place in the routine. Romantic energy doesn’t keep itself alive. It needs maintenance. If the relationship feels more like a household arrangement than a marriage, it’s likely that emotional closeness has taken a back seat for too long.
4. Using sarcasm instead of honesty
Source: Unsplash It might feel safer to make a sarcastic comment than to directly express disappointment or frustration, but the impact isn’t the same. Sarcasm adds a layer of detachment that makes it harder to take your feelings seriously. When sarcasm becomes the main form of communication, it builds distance. The truth gets buried under jokes, and important issues are brushed aside instead of addressed. That kind of emotional avoidance slowly unravels trust.
5. Keeping score
When every mistake is stored and every favour is tracked, love turns into a transaction. Scorekeeping creates a competitive tone, where each partner feels like they’re losing or owed something rather than being on the same team. Instead of building intimacy, it creates tension. Every interaction becomes an opportunity to prove a point instead of reconnecting. And in the long run, no one wins in a relationship where kindness has to be earned.
6. Dismissing emotional needs
When one partner says they feel hurt, anxious, or disconnected, brushing it off as “too sensitive” or “dramatic” sends a clear message: your feelings don’t matter here. Eventually, that invalidation breeds loneliness and frustration. Being in a relationship where emotional needs are regularly dismissed is like talking to a wall. You start to feel invisible. Love can’t thrive in an environment where one person constantly has to prove that their emotions are valid.
7. Avoiding tough but necessary conversations
No couple loves conflict—but avoiding hard conversations doesn’t protect the relationship, it weakens it. When issues are left unspoken, they fester. And unresolved tension tends to reappear in more passive-aggressive ways later. The more you avoid, the less honest the relationship becomes. Eventually, even the truth feels too risky to bring up. That silence grows heavy, and love starts to disappear in the gap between what’s felt and what’s said.
8. Taking each other for granted
It’s easy to get comfortable, especially in long-term relationships. But when appreciation fades, effort does too. If one or both partners start assuming the other will always be there—without offering gratitude or warmth—love begins to feel like a given instead of a gift. Being seen and valued is a core part of feeling loved. Without it, affection starts to feel like a chore rather than something freely given. Slowly, the relationship starts to run on autopilot instead of connection.
9. Shutting down emotionally during arguments
It’s tempting to withdraw when things get intense, but emotionally checking out sends a strong signal: I’m not here with you. Stonewalling breaks communication and leaves the other person feeling isolated and frustrated. Arguments can be messy, but emotional absence is worse than disagreement. When one person shuts down instead of engaging, the conflict never gets resolved—it just gets buried, ready to resurface later with even more weight.
10. Treating apologies like a power move
Apologies aren’t about winning—they’re about repair. But when someone uses them to manipulate, shame, or guilt their partner into submission, it stops being a tool for connection and becomes another way to control the narrative. Healthy apologies come with accountability and care. If they’re always followed by “but you also…” or delivered with a sigh and an eye-roll, they lose meaning fast—and the relationship loses one of its most important safety nets.
11. Putting the kids (or work) first—always
It makes sense to prioritise children and work responsibilities, but when those things permanently replace your relationship’s needs, it starts to suffer. Marriages don’t just survive in the gaps left after everything else is done. Love needs attention. It needs time. If your marriage is always the last thing on the list, it eventually gets lost in the chaos. Even the strongest relationships weaken without regular nurturing.
12. Minimising your partner’s efforts
If your partner does something thoughtful, and it’s met with indifference or criticism, it sends the message that their effort doesn’t matter. After a while, that lack of acknowledgement wears down their motivation to keep trying. Appreciation doesn’t have to be grand or over-the-top. It just has to be consistent. Without it, love starts to feel one-sided, and the partner who’s putting in effort begins to emotionally check out.
13. Rewriting the past to suit your argument
In the heat of an argument, it can be tempting to twist the past to win a point. But rewriting shared history destroys trust fast. It makes your partner question not just your memory, but your honesty. When facts feel flexible, security disappears. You can’t build a stable relationship on a foundation that constantly changes. Love doesn’t need a perfect record, but it does need integrity.
14. Comparing your partner to other people
Whether it’s an ex, a friend’s spouse, or a fictional character—comparison is a relationship killer. It creates shame, pressure, and a sense of never being good enough. That’s not a recipe for love. That’s a recipe for insecurity. Everyone brings their own strengths. If the relationship turns into a contest with people who aren’t even in it, the connection starts to feel conditional. Nothing drains love faster than feeling like you’re constantly falling short.
15. Expecting mind reading instead of communication
Your partner can’t fix what they don’t know about. Expecting them to read between the lines or just “get it” leads to disappointment, misunderstandings, and resentment. Clear communication isn’t about confrontation—it’s about clarity. The more you expect your partner to magically know what you want or feel, the more likely you are to feel let down, even when they’re trying their best.
16. Interrupting or dismissing opinions
It might seem minor, but constantly cutting someone off or disregarding what they say creates a power imbalance. It subtly tells your partner their voice matters less, and as time goes on, they might stop speaking up at all. Love needs mutual respect. If one person is always dominating the conversation, decisions start to feel one-sided, and emotional distance begins to grow in the silence left behind.
17. Criticising instead of requesting
“You never help around here” hits differently than “Can you take care of this tonight?” One sparks defensiveness. The other opens a conversation. How you say things matters, especially when frustration’s involved. Constant criticism creates a hostile environment. It makes your partner feel like they’re always getting it wrong, even when they’re trying. Eventually, it inevitably destroys the goodwill that love depends on.
18. Using affection as a reward
Affection should be freely given, not dangled like a prize for good behaviour. When love or intimacy becomes conditional, it stops feeling safe and starts feeling like a transaction. Withholding affection to make a point might seem harmless, but it slowly teaches your partner that love isn’t dependable. That emotional instability breeds insecurity, which slowly but surely chokes out real connection.
19. Talking badly about each other to other people
It’s one thing to vent in private. It’s another to routinely speak negatively about your partner to friends, family, or coworkers. Eventually, this damages both trust and respect, and once those things are gone, love struggles to survive. Even if your partner never hears what you said, it still changes the dynamic. It makes the relationship feel less sacred. Love grows in spaces that feel protected, not ones where you’re casually thrown under the bus.
20. Ignoring the small things that matter to them
It’s not always the grand gestures that keep love alive—it’s remembering the small details. Their favourite snack. The way they like the duvet folded. The fact that they hate being interrupted mid-story. Those little things show you’re paying attention. When those details are ignored or dismissed, it doesn’t feel like neglect at first—but over time, it builds the sense that you’re not really seen. When that sense takes hold, love starts to lose its footing.
