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Unsplash/Alvin MahmudovEver found yourself trapped in a relationship with a narcissist, wondering how you got there?
Source: Unsplash
It’s not your fault. Narcissists are extremely good at manipulation and skilled at weaving a web of lies that keep you hooked. They know exactly what to say to make you doubt yourself, question your reality, and ultimately, stay. Here are some of the most common lies narcissists use to keep you in their grasp.
1. “I’ll change, I promise.”
This is perhaps the most common lie narcissists tell, especially after a particularly hurtful episode or during a moment of vulnerability. They’ll promise to change their behaviour, attend therapy, or do whatever it takes to make things right. However, this promise is rarely kept, and the cycle of hurt and reconciliation continues, leaving you trapped in a false hope of improvement.
2. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
Narcissists often isolate their partners by making them feel special and unique. They’ll claim that you’re the only one who truly understands them, the only one they can be themselves around, and the only one who can make them happy. This creates a sense of dependency and makes it harder for you to leave, even when the relationship becomes toxic.
3. “It’s all your fault.”
Narcissists are experts at deflecting blame and projecting their own flaws onto other people. They’ll twist the narrative to make you believe that you’re the cause of all their problems, insecurities, and failures. This can erode your self-esteem and make you question your own sanity, making it harder to see the truth of the situation.
4. “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
This lie is designed to instil fear and insecurity. Narcissists may make you believe that you’re lucky to have them, that no one else could ever put up with your flaws or love you unconditionally. This can make you feel unworthy of love and afraid to leave, even when the relationship is clearly unhealthy.
5. “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Narcissists often inflate their own importance and try to make you feel indebted to them. They’ll remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, the sacrifices they’ve made, and the ways they’ve supposedly improved your life. This can create a sense of obligation and guilt, making it harder to leave even when you know you should.
6. “You’re overreacting.”
When you express your concerns or try to address issues in the relationship, a narcissist will often dismiss your feelings and accuse you of overreacting. They’ll invalidate your emotions, gaslight you into doubting your own perceptions, and make you feel like you’re the problem.
7. “I didn’t mean it.”
Narcissists can be incredibly hurtful with their words and actions, but they’ll often try to minimise the impact by claiming they didn’t mean it. They’ll apologise profusely, shower you with affection, and promise to never do it again. However, this cycle of hurt and apology usually repeats, leaving you feeling confused and emotionally exhausted.
8. “You’re imagining things.”
When you start to see through their lies and manipulations, narcissists will try to gaslight you into believing that you’re imagining things. They’ll deny their actions, twist the truth, and even accuse you of being paranoid or delusional. This can make you doubt your own sanity and make it harder to trust your instincts.
9. “I’m sorry, but you made me do it.”
Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they’ll shift the blame onto you, claiming that you provoked them or that your behaviour left them with no other choice. This manipulation can make you feel responsible for their hurtful actions and less likely to stand up for yourself.
10. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This lie is designed to inflate their ego and make you feel grateful for their presence in your life. They’ll remind you of their supposed superiority, their accomplishments, and their social status, implying that you’re not good enough for them and should be thankful for their attention.
11. “I’m not like other people.”
Narcissists often try to separate themselves from the “ordinary” by claiming to be more unique, special, or misunderstood. This can make you feel like you’re dealing with someone extraordinary, excusing their bad behaviour or believing that they’re above the rules that apply to everyone else.
12. “You’re too sensitive.”
When you express hurt or discomfort at their actions, a narcissist may accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. This is a way to invalidate your feelings and make you question your own perceptions, ultimately making it easier for them to continue their manipulative behaviour.
13. “You’re just jealous.”
If you ever raise concerns about their interactions with other people or express insecurity about their intentions, a narcissist might accuse you of being jealous. This not only deflects attention from their own questionable behaviour but also makes you feel guilty for having normal human emotions.
14. “I’m the only one who truly cares about you.”
By isolating you from friends and family, a narcissist can make you believe that they’re the only person who truly cares about your well-being. This can lead you to rely on them for emotional support and validation, making it harder to break free from their control.
15. “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”
Narcissists often try to instil a sense of inadequacy by telling you that you’ll never find someone as good as them. This can make you feel unworthy of love and afraid to leave, even when the relationship is clearly unhealthy.
16. “I’m a victim, too.”
Sometimes, narcissists will try to gain your sympathy by portraying themselves as victims of circumstance or past trauma. This can make you feel sorry for them and more likely to excuse their bad behaviour or put their needs above your own.
17. “I’m just trying to help you.”
Narcissists often disguise their controlling behaviour as helpfulness. They may offer unsolicited advice, criticise your choices, or make decisions on your behalf, all under the guise of “helping” you. This can make it difficult to recognise their manipulation and assert your own autonomy.
18. “You’re crazy.”
When you start to question their behaviour or challenge their narrative, a narcissist may resort to calling you crazy. This is a classic gaslighting tactic that aims to undermine your confidence and make you doubt your own sanity.
19. “I’ll never forgive you.”
Narcissists often use the threat of withholding forgiveness as a way to control your behaviour. They may hold grudges for minor offences or refuse to let go of past mistakes, creating a sense of guilt and obligation that keeps you in their grasp.
20. “I love you, but…”
This seemingly loving statement is often followed by a condition or ultimatum. Narcissists may say they love you, but only if you meet their demands, change your behaviour, or conform to their expectations. This conditional love can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and emotional well-being.
