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Getty Images/iStockphotoWords have power — they can be hurtful or helpful.
Unfortunately, some people use phrases that, while often well-intentioned, can cause more harm than good. These expressions frequently dismiss or minimise people’s feelings, experiences, or struggles. Here’s a list of common sayings that insensitive people use, often without realising how damaging they really are.
1. “Just get over it.”
Source: Unsplash This dismissive phrase invalidates someone’s feelings and implies their struggles are trivial. It oversimplifies complex emotional processes and ignores the time and effort required to work through difficult situations. Instead of offering support, it can make the person feel misunderstood and alone in their pain.
2. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Source: Unsplash While meant to be comforting, this phrase can be incredibly frustrating for someone going through a tough time. It suggests that their suffering is part of some grand plan, which can feel invalidating and dismissive. It’s better to acknowledge their pain and offer support, without trying to find meaning in their misfortune.
3. “You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase invalidates someone’s emotional response and implies there’s something wrong with feeling deeply. It’s often used to deflect responsibility for hurtful actions. Instead of dismissing someone’s sensitivity, it’s more helpful to try to understand their perspective and acknowledge their feelings.
4. “At least you don’t have it as bad as…”
Source: Unsplash Comparing someone’s struggles to other people’s doesn’t diminish their pain; it only makes them feel guilty for their emotions. Pain is relative, and everyone’s experiences are valid. It’s more supportive to acknowledge their feelings without comparison.
5. “You should try…”
Source: Unsplash Unsolicited advice, especially when prefaced with “you should,” can come across as patronising. It assumes the person hasn’t already considered various solutions to their problem. Unless someone explicitly asks for advice, it’s often better to listen and offer support rather than solutions.
6. “It could be worse.”
Source: Unsplash Similar to comparisons, this phrase attempts to minimise someone’s pain by pointing out hypothetical worse scenarios. It fails to acknowledge the real distress the person is experiencing. Instead, validate their feelings and offer support without trying to put their situation into perspective.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase dismisses someone’s emotional response and implies they’re being irrational. It’s a form of gaslighting that can make the person doubt their own feelings and perceptions. It’s more constructive to try to understand why they’re reacting strongly rather than dismissing their response.
8. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Source: Unsplash While often said with good intentions, this phrase can come across as presumptuous. Every person’s experience is unique, and claiming to know exactly how someone feels can trivialise their individual struggle. Instead, express empathy without assuming complete understanding.
9. “You’re always so negative.”
Labelling someone as consistently negative can be hurtful and counterproductive. It ignores the complexities of human emotion and the valid reasons someone might be struggling. Instead of criticising their outlook, try to understand the root causes of their negativity and offer support.
10. “Just think positive.”
Positive thinking has its place, but telling someone to “just think positive” oversimplifies mental health struggles and complex life situations. It can make the person feel that their inability to simply change their mindset is a personal failure. Offer practical support instead of vague directives.
11. “You’re acting crazy.”
This phrase is not only insensitive, but also stigmatising towards mental health issues. It dismisses someone’s feelings or behaviour as irrational without attempting to understand the underlying causes. It’s more helpful to approach the situation with empathy and ask what’s really going on.
12. “Time heals all wounds.”
While time can help with healing, this phrase oversimplifies the recovery process. It ignores the active work often required to overcome trauma or loss. Instead of placing the onus on time, acknowledge the person’s pain and the effort involved in healing.
13. “You’re young, you’ll get over it.”
Source: Unsplash This dismisses someone’s feelings based on their age. It implies that young people’s problems are less significant or that they lack the life experience to have real struggles. Everyone’s pain is valid, regardless of age. Offer support without diminishing their experiences.
14. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Self-pity can be unproductive, but this phrase shames someone for their emotional state without offering constructive help. It can make the person feel guilty for their feelings on top of whatever they’re already struggling with. Instead, gently encourage positive actions while acknowledging their pain.
15. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
What seems insignificant to one person may be deeply important or traumatic to another. This phrase invalidates someone’s feelings and experiences. Instead of judging the magnitude of their reaction, try to understand why the situation is significant to them.
16. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down rarely has the intended effect. It can come across as condescending and often escalates the situation. Instead, try to understand the source of their agitation and offer support in a way that doesn’t dismiss their emotions.
17. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
While gratitude is important, using it to dismiss someone’s struggles can be hurtful. It’s possible to be grateful for some things while still struggling with others. Acknowledge their feelings without trying to force a perspective shift.
18. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
This phrase minimises someone’s experience and implies they’re exaggerating. It can make the person feel misunderstood and reluctant to share their feelings in the future. Instead, take their words at face value and offer support based on their perception of the situation.
19. “You need to move on.”
Healing and moving forward happen on individual timelines. Pressuring someone to “move on” before they’re ready can be harmful and delay genuine healing. Offer patience and support as they process their experiences at their own pace.
20. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
This phrase places blame on the person struggling and assumes you know the extent of their efforts. It can be particularly harmful when used in the context of mental health or chronic illness. Instead of judging their efforts, offer encouragement and ask how you can support them.
