We all want to influence people, but there’s a fine line between persuasion and manipulation.
Sometimes, our tactics for getting what we want can cross that line without us even realising it. If you’ve ever wondered if you might be a bit manipulative in your interactions, here are 20 sneaky signs to look out for.
1. You use guilt trips to get your way.
Instead of directly asking for what you want, you might subtly (or not so subtly) make people feel guilty for not complying. You might bring up past favours, remind them of their obligations, or play the victim to evoke sympathy and get them to do what you want.
2. You play the victim to avoid responsibility.
When things go wrong, you’re quick to shift blame and paint yourself as the innocent victim. You might exaggerate your own hardships, downplay your role in the situation, or even feign helplessness to avoid taking responsibility for your actions.
3. You withhold information to control the narrative.
You might selectively share information or omit crucial details to manipulate how people perceive a situation. This allows you to steer conversations in your favour and maintain control over the outcome.
4. You use flattery and compliments insincerely.
You might shower people with praise and compliments, not because you genuinely admire them, but because you want something from them. This can be a way of buttering them up to make them more receptive to your requests or suggestions.
5. You create a sense of urgency or scarcity.
To pressure people into making quick decisions, you might create a false sense of urgency or scarcity. You might imply that a limited-time offer is about to expire, or that someone else is interested in what they have, to make them feel like they need to act immediately.
6. You use passive-aggressive behaviour to express your anger.
Source: Unsplash Instead of directly addressing your grievances, you might resort to subtle digs, sarcasm, or backhanded compliments. This allows you to express your displeasure without having to confront the issue head-on.
7. You give backhanded compliments.
Source: Unsplash You might disguise criticism as compliments, making them seem less harsh but still conveying your disapproval. For example, you might say something like, “You look so much better when you wear makeup,” implying that they don’t look good without it.
8. You compare people to make them feel inadequate.
Source: Unsplash You might subtly (or not so subtly) compare people to other people to make them feel insecure or inferior. This can be a way of boosting your own ego or making someone more pliable to your suggestions.
9. You use silence or withdrawal as a weapon.
Source: Unsplash When you’re upset or want to control a situation, you might withdraw emotionally or give someone the silent treatment. This can leave them feeling anxious, confused, and desperate to regain your approval, which gives you the upper hand.
10. You twist people’s words or actions to suit your narrative.
Source: Unsplash You might intentionally misinterpret what someone said or did to make them look bad or to justify your own behaviour. This can be a way of shifting blame or creating confusion, making it easier for you to manipulate the situation to your advantage.
11. You play on people’s insecurities or fears.
Source: Unsplash You might exploit someone’s vulnerabilities to get them to comply with your wishes. This could involve reminding them of past failures, highlighting their insecurities, or threatening to withdraw your support if they don’t do what you want.
12. You make promises you don’t intend to keep.
Source: Unsplash You might make grand promises or offer incentives to get people to do what you want, but then conveniently forget or find excuses not to follow through. This can leave them feeling betrayed and resentful, but also more likely to comply with your next request in the hope of finally getting what you promised.
13. You create a sense of dependency.
Source: Unsplash You might subtly make people rely on you for emotional support, advice, or resources. This can make them feel indebted to you and more likely to comply with your wishes, even if they don’t fully agree with them.
14. You gaslight people to make them doubt their own perceptions.
Source: Unsplash This involves denying or minimising someone’s feelings or experiences, making them question their own sanity and reality. By making them doubt themselves, you can more easily manipulate them into believing your version of events.
15. You deflect responsibility by turning the tables.
Source: Unsplash When you’re confronted about your manipulative behaviour, you might turn the accusation back on the other person. You might accuse them of being too sensitive, overreacting, or misinterpreting your intentions, effectively shifting the focus away from your own actions.
16. You use charm and charisma to disarm people.
Source: Unsplash You might be naturally charming and charismatic, using your social skills to win people over and make them more susceptible to your influence. This can make it harder for them to see through your manipulation tactics.
17. You isolate people from their support systems.
Source: Unsplash You might try to create distance between someone and their friends or family, making them more dependent on you and easier to control. This can involve planting seeds of doubt about their loved ones, discouraging them from spending time with them, or even directly interfering in their relationships.
18. You create a sense of obligation or indebtedness.
Source: Unsplash You might do favours for people or offer them gifts with the expectation that they’ll owe you something in return. This creates a sense of obligation that you can later exploit to get them to do what you want.
19. You use emotional blackmail to get your way.
Source: Unsplash You might threaten to withdraw your love, affection, or support if someone doesn’t comply with your wishes. This can be a powerful tool for manipulating people who are emotionally dependent on you.
20. You lack empathy and remorse.
Source: Unsplash Perhaps the most telling sign of a manipulative personality is a lack of empathy and remorse. You might not care about how your actions affect people, or you might feel justified in manipulating them to achieve your own goals. This lack of concern anyone else’s well-being is a red flag for manipulative behaviour.
