When someone’s driving you nuts, the only way to get them to stop sometimes is to tell them, right?
However, doing so is a bit awkward. You don’t want to seem mean or rude, especially if they’re not doing it on purpose. That doesn’t mean you just have to sit there and be annoyed, of course. Here are some ways to let them know that they’re being a bit obnoxious in a way that’s as kind as possible.
1. Choose the right time and place for the conversation.
Timing is crucial when addressing sensitive issues. Find a quiet moment when you’re both calm and have a bit of privacy. Avoid bringing up the topic in public or during a heated moment, as this can lead to defensiveness or embarrassment.
2. Talk about your feelings, not their actions.
Frame your concerns using “I” statements rather than accusatory “you” statements. For example, say “I feel frustrated when…” instead of “You always…” This way, you’re focusing on your feelings without directly attacking the other person.
3. Be specific about the behaviour that’s bothering you.
Don’t make generalisations here — communicate the specific actions or habits that are irritating you. Vague complaints are pretty tough to address, so give concrete examples to help the person understand exactly what’s troubling you.
4. Avoid using absolutes like “always” or “never”.
These terms can make the other person feel attacked, and they’re bound to get defensive. Instead, focus on recent or common behaviours that drive you up the wall. When you do this, you have more room for discussion — and most importantly, change.
5. Ask if they’re aware of the behaviour.
Sometimes people are oblivious to their annoying habits. Be nice about it, but ask them if they’re aware of what they’re doing. This can open up a conversation without immediately putting them on the defensive.
6. Explain how the behaviour affects you.
Help the person understand the impact of their actions on you. Describe how their behaviour makes you feel or how it interferes with your work or your mental health. They might be more empathetic and willing to change when you put it that way.
7. Make a joke to lighten the mood.
If you have that kind of relationship, taking a playful approach can ease tension. However, be careful not to come across as mocking or dismissive. Also, make sure your humour doesn’t undermine the seriousness of your concern.
8. Come up with some solutions or alternatives.
After explaining the issue, suggest alternative behaviours or compromises. This way, they know that you’re interested in finding a solution, not just complaining. It also gives the person a clear direction for change. Of course, this only works if the thing that’s annoying you is an ongoing behaviour that they’re capable of stopping or changing.
9. Use the “sandwich” method.
Start with a positive comment, address the annoying behaviour, and then end with another positive note. By going about things this way, you can soften the blow of the criticism and make it more palatable.
10. Ask them what they think.
After saying what’s on your mind, give them time and space to share their thoughts. There might be reasons behind their behaviour that you’re unaware of. This opens up a line of conversation and shows you care about what they have to say.
11. Set clear boundaries.
If the annoying behaviour persists, put some boundaries in place and hold tight to them. Explain what is and isn’t acceptable to you. Be firm but respectful in communicating your limits. If they can’t respect them, you’ll have to limit your time with them.
12. Use non-verbal cues.
Sometimes, subtle non-verbal signals can convey your discomfort without words. A raised eyebrow or a gentle shake of the head might be enough to alert the person to their behaviour if they’re clever.
13. Redirect the conversation or activity.
If the annoying behaviour occurs in a specific context, try changing the subject or suggesting a different activity. This can break the pattern without directly confronting the person.
14. Express appreciation for their positive qualities.
Begin the conversation by acknowledging the person’s good qualities or your overall relationship. This sets a positive tone and reminds both of you of the value of your connection. After all, just because they’re a bit annoying sometimes doesn’t mean they don’t have some great qualities that you actually like.
15. Use “we” language to encourage a bit of teamwork.
Frame the issue as a shared problem that you can solve together. Use phrases like “How can we work on this?” It’s all about cooperation rather than confrontation, right?
16. Practise active listening.
When discussing the issue, give the person your full attention, and listen to their response without interrupting. This shows respect and may reveal insights you hadn’t considered.
17. Avoid personal attacks or name-calling.
Focus on the behaviour, not the person. No matter how annoyed you are, don’t use labels or make character judgements. Keep the conversation constructive and less likely to escalate into an argument.
18. Use hypothetical scenarios.
Sometimes, it’s easier to discuss the issue indirectly. Present a hypothetical situation that mirrors the actual problem as an example. Weirdly enough, this can help the person see the behaviour from an outside perspective.
19. Acknowledge your own quirks.
Recognise that everyone has annoying habits — yes, even you. Sharing one of your own quirks can make the conversation feel more balanced and less accusatory.
20. Follow up after the conversation.
After addressing the issue, check in later to see how they’re feeling. Some people take criticism like this personally! If they take what you say on board and really change, let them know how much you appreciate it. They might just be encouraged to keep it up.
