We talk a lot about not being judgemental, but let’s be honest — some behaviours are red flags you shouldn’t ignore.
While discounting people or forming opinions about them based on their appearance, race, religion, sexuality, or socioeconomic background is ridiculous, it’s totally valid — and even smart! — to raise your eyebrows over these bad habits. Here’s where it’s totally fair to trust your gut and make some calls.
1. How they treat service workers shows their true colours.
Watch how someone acts when they’re dealing with servers, retail workers, or customer service reps. If they’re rude to people they see as “beneath” them, that’s not a bad day — hat’s their character showing. The way they handle minor inconveniences in these situations tells you everything about how they view people. Power dynamics bring out people’s true nature, and these moments are like a preview of how they’ll treat you when things aren’t perfect.
2. They constantly make “jokes” at other people’s expense.
They’ll brush it off as just having fun or tell you to lighten up, but pay attention to the pattern. These little digs and “playful” insults aren’t actually jokes — they’re weapons wrapped in fake laughter. They use humour as a shield to say cruel things while maintaining plausible deniability. People who need to tear someone down to feel good rarely stop at just words.
3. They never miss a chance to one-up someone else’s struggles.
Every time someone shares a difficult experience, they jump in with how they had it worse. Your rough day at work becomes their epic saga of workplace suffering. It’s not empathy or relating — it’s a constant need to discount other people’s experiences. Some people just can’t stand letting anyone else have a moment, even in their own struggles.
4. They treat boundaries like personal insults.
When someone says no or sets a limit, they act like they’ve been deeply wronged. They’ll guilt-trip, manipulate, or try to wear you down until they get their way. A person who can’t respect small boundaries will definitely steamroll bigger ones. Their reaction to hearing “no” tells you exactly how much they respect people’s autonomy.
5. They’re suspiciously skilled at playing the victim.
Nothing is ever their fault — they’re always the one being wronged, misunderstood, or targeted. They have an elaborate explanation for every situation where they might look bad, and somehow they’re always the hero of their stories. This talent for dodging responsibility doesn’t develop overnight — it’s a carefully crafted skill.
6. Their ambition comes with a body count.
Success is great, but watch how they achieve it. If their path to the top is littered with betrayed friends, broken promises, and people they’ve stepped on, take note. Ambition doesn’t have to mean destroying people to get ahead. How someone handles competition reveals whether they value achievement or just power.
7. They treat loyalty like a one-way street.
They expect absolute dedication from everyone in their lives, while giving none in return. They’ll demand you drop everything for them, but are mysteriously busy when you need help. Real loyalty goes both ways — anything else is just control dressed up as friendship. Their pattern of taking without giving shows exactly where you’ll stand when things get tough.
8. They can’t handle other people’s success.
Source: Unsplash Instead of celebrating friends’ achievements, they find subtle ways to diminish them. They’ll point out flaws in good news or change the subject when someone shares a win. This isn’t just insecurity — it’s an inability to see value in anything that doesn’t centre them. People who can’t be happy for anyone else are carrying something toxic inside.
9. Their apologies always come with conditions.
Listen carefully when they say sorry — there’s usually a “but” attached. They apologise for how you felt, not what they did. Or they’ll admit fault only if you also take blame for “making” them act that way. Real apologies don’t come with defensive footnotes. The way someone handles being wrong shows you who they really are.
10. They weaponise their own emotional fragility.
Any attempt to address their behaviour leads to them being “attacked” or “hurt.” They’ll burst into tears or have a meltdown that makes everyone focus on comforting them instead of addressing the original issue. This emotional manipulation is a learned tactic, and it works because most people hate seeing anyone upset. It’s the ultimate get-out-of-accountability-free card.
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11. They dish out criticism but crumble when receiving it.
They love pointing out other people’s flaws and mistakes, but the moment someone gives them feedback, they’re deeply wounded. They’ll spend hours explaining why the critique is wrong or unfair. This double standard isn’t just hypocrisy — it’s a sign they believe they’re above the rules they apply to everyone else. Watch how quickly their confidence turns to defensiveness when the spotlight turns on them.
12. Their stories never quite add up.
Small inconsistencies keep popping up in their narratives. Details shift depending on who’s listening, and their explanations get more elaborate when questioned. It’s not about catching them in lies — it’s about recognising someone who’s comfortable manipulating reality. A person who casually rewrites truth in small ways will do it in big ones too.
13. They treat their past relationships like a highlight reel of villains.
Every ex is crazy, every former friend betrayed them, every old boss was toxic. While bad experiences happen, having an entire history of being wronged is suspicious. If someone’s past is full of nothing but dramatic exits and betrayals, you’re probably talking to the common denominator. Pay attention to how they talk about people who are no longer in their life.
14. They use information as currency.
They collect secrets and personal details, then strategically share them to gain favour or cause drama. They’ll tell you private things about other people to seem trustworthy, not realising they’re showing exactly what they’ll do with your confidences later. Someone who trades in other people’s privacy will eventually trade in yours.
15. Their kindness comes with invisible strings.
Every favour or gift becomes emotional leverage later. They keep a mental ledger of their generosity, ready to cash in when they need something. Real kindness doesn’t maintain a balance sheet. When someone’s goodwill feels like a trap, it usually is.
16. They take pride in being brutally honest.
They claim they’re just telling hard truths, but they seem to enjoy the brutality more than the honesty. There’s a difference between being truthful and using honesty as a weapon. Someone who celebrates their ability to hurt people with “truth” is telling you exactly who they are.
17. They’re oddly invested in controlling small choices.
They have strong opinions about what you should wear, eat, or how you should spend your free time. These seemingly minor attempts at control are test balloons — they’re checking how much influence they can exert. Small controlling behaviours almost always escalate into bigger ones.
18. They rewrite conflicts to make themselves look better.
Within hours of a disagreement, their version of events shifts dramatically in their favour. They’ll conveniently forget their own harsh words while perfectly remembering other people’s minor reactions. This selective memory isn’t forgetfulness — it’s a deliberate strategy to maintain their self-image at reality’s expense.
19. They treat forgiveness like a reset button.
Source: Unsplash Once someone forgives them, they act like the slate is completely clean and the behaviour never happened. They’ll repeat the same harmful actions, expecting unlimited fresh starts. Real change acknowledges past mistakes while working to prevent future ones. Someone who sees forgiveness as permission will keep hurting people indefinitely.
20. They punish people who say no to them.
The silent treatment, passive-aggressive comments, or suddenly withdrawing support — these are all ways they penalise people who don’t give them their way. They might not do it openly, but their message is clear: compliance gets rewards, boundaries get punishment. How someone handles rejection tells you everything about their respect for people’s autonomy.
