All relationships go through rocky patches, but sometimes it’s those tiny issues bubbling under the surface that pose the real danger.
It’s tempting to ignore minor issues for the sake of keeping the peace in the here and now, but brushing these things under the carpet could end up derailing your relationship entirely if you’re not careful.
1. You keep a mental tally of your partner’s mistakes.
Everyone messes up, but if you truly care about someone, you’re willing to forgive and let bygones be bygones. If you’re constantly keeping score of when your partner went wrong and throwing it back in their faces whenever you argue, that’s a major problem.
2. You avoid any kind of tough conversations.
Unaddressed issues fester, and they get bigger and more serious over time. One or both of you will inevitably become more resentful, and misunderstandings are the least of what you can expect. If something’s bothering you, you need to talk about it now so you can resolve it and move on.
3. You prioritise your phone over your partner.
Constantly checking your phone or scrolling through social media when you’re with your partner sends a clear message: what’s happening on your screen is more important than they are. This behaviour, often called ‘phubbing’, can make your partner feel ignored and unvalued. Put it away sometimes!
4. You let outside influences dictate your relationship.
Letting friends, family, or even society in general to overly influence your relationship is a big no-no. It’s good to get outside advice sometimes, but ultimately, you and your partner are the only two people in the relationship, and you’re the only ones who know what works for you.
5. You don’t maintain your own identity.
While togetherness is important, losing yourself entirely in a relationship is unhealthy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should be giving up your own hobbies, passions, and friends. It’s important to have a life outside of your partner, or you’ll be sorry.
6. You use silence as a weapon.
Giving your partner the silent treatment or stonewalling them when you’re arguing is a form of manipulation that’s also extremely immature. It creates a power imbalance and makes it impossible to actually solve issues.
7. You make assumptions about your partner’s thoughts or motivations.
Believing you can read your partner’s mind or know their intentions without asking is an exercise in insanity. You can’t possibly know what they’re thinking or feeling if they haven’t shared that with you. Try having a conversation rather than making assumptions. Otherwise, you’ll create problems that aren’t really there.
8. You let financial issues go unaddressed.
Money issues are one of the main causes of divorce, so letting any financial issues fester or avoiding them altogether won’t serve your relationship well. Be open and honest about your situation, and frank when issues crop up.
9. You totally neglect physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy encompasses more than just what happens in the bedroom; it includes all forms of affectionate touch and closeness. Letting this aspect of your relationship fall by the wayside can lead to feeling disconnected and dissatisfied. Make this a priority, no matter how busy or tired you are.
10. You take your partner for granted.
The longer you’re with someone, the easier it is to start taking the things they do for you and your relationship as a whole for granted. As a result, they end up feeling ignored and unappreciated, which could come back to bite you in the end.
11. You let resentment build up over time.
Resentment often stems from unmet expectations or unresolved issues that aren’t communicated effectively. Over time, these feelings can fester, making it difficult to appreciate your partner’s positive qualities. Talk about stuff as it happens! It really is that simple.
12. You don’t respect each other’s boundaries.
Healthy relationships require a balance between closeness and individual space. Ignoring or pushing against your partner’s boundaries will inevitably make them feel uncomfortable and resentful in the end. Don’t invade their privacy, push them to do things they’re not comfortable with, or ignore their need for alone time. Show them a bit of respect!
13. You let outside stress dominate your relationship.
Work pressures, family issues, or financial concerns can easily spill over into your relationship if you don’t manage them properly. When outside stress becomes the primary focus, it can lead to neglect of the relationship itself. It’s important to create a balance and support each other through tough times while also maintaining your connection.
14. You don’t address differences in long-term goals.
Ignoring fundamental differences in your visions for the future can lead to some pretty serious drama down the line. This might involve disagreements about having children, career goals, or where to live. While it’s normal for what you want to change over time, you also need to keep talking about your shared future. Otherwise, you could be going it alone.
15. You let jealousy control your behaviour.
Unchecked jealousy can lead to controlling behaviour, constant suspicion, and a breakdown of trust. It often comes down to personal insecurities or past experiences, but when projected onto your current relationship, it can create a toxic atmosphere. Address the root causes so you don’t self-destruct.
16. You don’t support each other’s personal growth.
When one or both partners feel held back or unsupported in their personal goals, it can create resentment and unhappiness. Encouraging each other’s growth, celebrate each other’s wins, and be genuinely interested in your partner’s passions if you want to keep your relationship healthy.
17. You let unresolved past traumas affect your current relationship.
Your trauma might manifest as trust issues, fear of commitment, or unhealthy patterns of behaviour. It’s important to recognise how past experiences shape your current actions and reactions. Going to therapy to work through these issues can be really helpful, not just for your relationship but for you as a person.
18. You’re not addressing incompatibilities in your love languages.
Differences in how you and your partner express and receive love can lead one or both of you to feel underappreciated or neglected. One person might value verbal affirmations, while the other shows love through acts of service. Without understanding and accommodating these differences, partners might feel their efforts are going unnoticed or that their needs aren’t being met.
19. You let technology create distance between you.
While technology can help couples stay connected, it can also create barriers to intimacy if you’re not careful. Constant notifications, late-night work emails, or excessive social media use can interrupt quality time and make your partner feel less important than your digital life. Set some boundaries around technology, for goodness’ sake!
20. You don’t address intimate compatibilities or changes.
Physical intimacy is an important aspect of many romantic partnerships, and mismatches in this area can create tension if you’re not open and honest about them. Talk about your needs or any changes you’re experiencing! Be supportive, non-judgemental, and willing to compromise, and you’ll likely be just fine.
