Dealing with a narcissist can be confusing and emotionally draining.
They somehow have a grasp on the exact language to use to manipulate and control people. These words might seem harmless on the surface, but they’re designed to make you doubt yourself. Here are 21 phrases to watch out for. If you hear them, disengage immediately.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is the oldest trick in the book to dismiss your feelings. When you express hurt or discomfort, they flip it around to make it seem like you’re the problem. It’s not that they did something wrong, you’re just overreacting. This phrase completely brushes off your feelings and makes you question your own judgement.
2. “I never said that.”
Narcissists often deny things they’ve clearly said or done. This is gaslighting — making you question your own memory and sanity. They might have said it yesterday, but they’ll swear they didn’t, leaving you confused and doubting yourself.
3. “You’re imagining things.”
Similar to denying their words, narcissists will often claim you’re making things up. This could be about their actions, tone of voice, or even events that happened. It’s another form of gaslighting, aimed at making you distrust your own perceptions.
4. “You’re twisting my words.”
When you try to hold them accountable for something they’ve said, they’ll often accuse you of misinterpreting or twisting their words. This puts you on the defensive and shifts the blame onto you, even when you’re quoting them directly.
5. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This phrase minimises your concerns and feelings. It’s used to make you feel like you’re overreacting to legitimate issues. The narcissist is trying to define what should and shouldn’t matter to you, which is a form of control.
6. “I’m just being honest.”
Narcissists often use brutal honesty as an excuse for cruel comments. They’ll say something hurtful and then claim they’re just being truthful. This phrase tries to make you feel bad for being hurt by their “honesty”.
7. “You’re so selfish.”
Ironically, narcissists often accuse other people of being selfish. This usually happens when you’re setting boundaries or taking care of your own needs. It’s a way to make you feel guilty for not putting them first all the time.
8. “If you really loved me, you would…”
This is emotional blackmail. They’re trying to manipulate you by questioning your love or loyalty. It’s used to pressure you into doing things you’re not comfortable with or don’t want to do.
9. “You’re overreacting, just like your mother/father.”
This phrase dismisses your feelings and brings in a comparison to trigger you. They’re trying to hit a sore spot to distract you from the real issue at hand.
10. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This seems like an apology, but it’s not. They’re not sorry for what they did, they’re sorry you’re upset. It’s a non-apology that puts the problem on your feelings, not their actions.
11. “You’re crazy.”
This is a direct attack on your mental state. It’s used to make you doubt your own sanity and perceptions. If you’re “crazy,” then your concerns and feelings can be easily dismissed.
12. “You always/You never…”
These absolute statements are rarely true and are used to make sweeping generalisations about your behaviour. They’re meant to make you feel like you’re consistently in the wrong.
13. “You’re being paranoid.”
When you notice patterns in their behaviour or express concern about their actions, they might accuse you of paranoia. This is another way to make you doubt your own perceptions.
14. “I’m not arguing with you any more.”
This might sound reasonable, but narcissists often use it to shut down important conversations. They’re avoiding accountability by refusing to engage further.
15. “You’re just jealous.”
This phrase dismisses your concerns by attributing them to jealousy. It’s a way to avoid addressing the real issue by questioning your motives instead.
16. “You should have known…”
This puts unrealistic expectations on you to be a mind reader. It’s used to shift blame onto you for not anticipating their unexpressed needs or wants.
17. “I’m sorry, but…”
Any apology followed by “but” is not a real apology. It’s an attempt to justify their actions while seeming to take responsibility.
18. “You’re too needy.”
This phrase is used when you express normal needs for attention, affection, or support. It’s meant to make you feel like your basic emotional needs are unreasonable.
19. “You’re making me do this.”
This is a way for narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They’re blaming you for their choices and behaviour.
20. “You’re so ungrateful.”
This is often used when you don’t react with enough enthusiasm to something they’ve done. It’s meant to make you feel guilty for not constantly praising them.
21. “No one else has a problem with me.”
This phrase is meant to isolate you, making you feel like you’re the only one who sees an issue. It’s used to make you doubt your own judgement and perceptions.
