You probably mean well, but that doesn’t mean some people won’t find you off-putting.
There could be subtle things you’re saying and doing that pother people find strange or even offensive. And while that doesn’t mean you should change who you are to suit anyone else, it’s worth being aware of the fact that you’re rubbing some people the wrong way. So, how can you tell when someone’s not feeling it (or you)? Look for these signs.
1. Their body language speaks volumes.
Source: Unsplash Crossed arms, averted eyes, or a forced smile – their body language might be subtly saying, “Not interested.” Notice if they lean away when you talk or seem physically closed off. It’s not always intentional, but our bodies often betray our true feelings before our words do.
2. Conversations feel one-sided.
Are you doing most of the talking while they offer minimal responses? Perhaps they seem distracted or disengaged, offering only a few words or generic nods. If you consistently feel like you’re pulling teeth to keep the conversation going, it could be a sign they’re not invested in the interaction.
3. They avoid making eye contact.
Eye contact is a powerful tool for connection, and a lack of it can be a red flag. If they’re constantly looking away, fidgeting, or glancing at their phone, it might suggest discomfort or a desire to disengage. While some people are naturally shy, a persistent aversion to eye contact could indicate they’re not feeling the connection.
4. Your jokes fall flat.
Humour is subjective, but if your attempts at light-heartedness are met with crickets or awkward silence, it could be a sign they’re not on your wavelength. Maybe your jokes are a bit too edgy for their taste, or perhaps they’re simply not in a playful mood. Either way, their lack of laughter could indicate they’re not feeling the vibe you’re putting out.
5. They often interrupt you.
We all interrupt sometimes, but if it’s a consistent pattern, it could be a subtle sign of disrespect or disinterest. It might feel like they’re not valuing your words or are more focused on getting their own point across. While it could be a harmless habit, frequent interruptions can definitely make someone feel unheard and unimportant.
6. They change the subject frequently.
Do they steer conversations away from topics you introduce? Maybe they quickly pivot whenever you mention something personal or important to you. While it’s normal for conversations to flow in different directions, a constant change of subject could suggest they’re not interested in what you have to say or are actively trying to avoid certain topics.
7. They offer backhanded compliments.
A backhanded compliment is like a gift wrapped in barbed wire. It might sound nice on the surface, but there’s a subtle sting to it. For example, “That dress looks great on you! It hides your hips so well.” While it might seem like a compliment, it’s actually a veiled criticism. If someone frequently uses backhanded compliments, it could be a passive-aggressive way of expressing their disapproval or dislike.
8. They make excuses to avoid you.
Are they constantly cancelling plans or finding reasons not to spend time with you? Maybe they’re always “busy” or have “other commitments.” While legitimate conflicts do arise, a pattern of excuses could indicate they’re not prioritizing your relationship or are actively trying to avoid you.
9. They exclude you from social events.
If you find yourself consistently left out of parties or events that everyone else is taking part in, it could be a subtle sign of social exclusion. Maybe they don’t invite you to parties, group outings, or even casual get-togethers. While there could be various reasons for this, it’s worth considering if it’s a pattern that makes you feel unwelcome or ostracized.
10. They don’t reciprocate your efforts.
Relationships are a two-way street, and it’s important to feel like your efforts are reciprocated. If you’re always the one initiating conversations, making plans, or offering support, and they never seem to return the favour, it could be a sign they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are. This lack of reciprocity can be frustrating and lead to feelings of resentment.
11. They give you the silent treatment.
Stonewalling, or giving someone the silent treatment, is a classic passive-aggressive tactic. If someone suddenly clams up, refuses to communicate, or ignores your attempts at conversation, it’s a clear sign they’re not happy with you. It’s a hurtful way to express anger or frustration, and it can leave you feeling confused and powerless.
12. They criticize you constantly.
While constructive criticism can be helpful, constant nitpicking and negative remarks can be incredibly damaging. If someone is always pointing out your flaws, belittling your accomplishments, or making you feel inadequate, it’s a major red flag. It can really knock your self-esteem and make you question your worth. If you’re constantly on the receiving end of criticism, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
13. They gossip about you behind your back.
It’s hurtful to discover that someone you trust has been talking about you behind your back, especially if the gossip is negative or untrue. It can make you feel betrayed, embarrassed, and even paranoid. If you find out that someone is spreading rumours or talking about you in a negative light, it’s a clear sign that they’re not a true friend.
14. They try to control your behaviour.
Does this person try to dictate who you spend time with, what you wear, or how you spend your money? Do they try to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do? If so, it’s a sign of a controlling and unhealthy relationship. Everyone deserves to have autonomy and make their own choices, and someone who tries to control your behaviour doesn’t respect your boundaries.
15. They make you feel bad about yourself.
A healthy relationship should uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. If someone is constantly putting you down, making you feel insecure, or questioning your worth, it’s a major red flag. It can kill your confidence and leave you feeling drained and unhappy. You deserve to be around people who appreciate you and make you feel good about who you are.
16. They dismiss your feelings.
When you share your feelings with someone, you expect them to listen and validate your emotions. If they brush off your concerns, minimize your feelings, or tell you you’re overreacting, it can be incredibly hurtful. It can make you feel invalidated, unimportant, and like your emotions don’t matter. A good friend or partner will be empathetic and supportive, even if they don’t always agree with you.
17. They blame you for their problems.
Everyone goes through tough times, but a healthy person takes responsibility for their own actions and doesn’t blame other people for their problems. If someone is constantly blaming you for their misfortunes, mistakes, or unhappiness, it’s a toxic pattern. They might try to guilt-trip you, manipulate you, or make you feel responsible for their well-being. It’s important to set boundaries and not take on the burden of someone else’s problems.
18. They compare you to other people (and not in a nice way).
Everyone is unique, and no one likes to be compared negatively to other people. If someone is constantly comparing you to their ex, their friends, or even strangers, it can be incredibly hurtful. It can make you feel inadequate, insecure, and like you’re not good enough. A healthy relationship celebrates your individuality and doesn’t pit you against people.
19. They take you for granted.
Do they expect you to always be there for them, but rarely offer the same support in return? Do they take your kindness, generosity, and efforts for granted, without expressing gratitude or appreciation? If so, it can leave you feeling undervalued and unappreciated. It’s important to be around people who recognize your worth and reciprocate your efforts.
20. They don’t respect your boundaries.
Healthy relationships have clear boundaries, and both parties respect each other’s limits. If someone is constantly pushing your boundaries, ignoring your requests, or making you feel uncomfortable, it’s a major red flag. It could be something as simple as not respecting your personal space or as serious as violating your consent. It’s important to stand up for yourself and not tolerate anyone who disregards your boundaries.
21. Your gut tells you something’s off.
Sometimes, the most telling sign is your own intuition. If something feels off about the relationship, trust your gut. Maybe you feel constantly on edge, anxious, or unhappy around this person. Perhaps there’s a nagging feeling that something isn’t right. Don’t ignore these red flags. Listen to your intuition and prioritize your own well-being.
