It can be hard to admit — even to yourself! — that your relationship really isn’t working out anymore.
However, certain behaviours can be dead giveaways that a couple is struggling to maintain a healthy partnership. Whether you’re assessing your own relationship or observing (and silently judging, probably!) other people’s, these signs can help you identify when a couple might be better off apart. Here’s how you know two people just aren’t clicking.
1. They constantly interrupt each other during conversations.
When one partner starts speaking, the other jumps in before they’ve finished their thought, which shows a lack of respect for each other’s opinions and ideas. It’s as if they’re in a race to be heard, rather than genuinely listening and understanding each other’s perspectives.
2. They roll their eyes at each other’s comments.
Eye-rolling is a clear sign of contempt, one of the most toxic behaviours in relationships. When partners frequently react to each other’s statements with this dismissive gesture, it points to a lack of respect and genuine interest in what the other has to say. It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “You’re not worth listening to,” which can be incredibly hurtful and damaging to the relationship.
3. They avoid physical affection in public.
While not every couple is into public displays of affection, a total absence of any physical connection can be telling. If they never hold hands, sit close to each other, or show any form of tenderness when out and about, it might indicate a lack of intimacy or comfort with each other.
4. They speak poorly of each other to friends and family.
Venting about relationship issues is normal, but constantly badmouthing a partner to other people is a red flag. If they’re always complaining about each other’s habits, decisions, or personality traits to anyone who will listen, it shows a lack of respect and loyalty.
5. They compete over who has it worse.
Instead of supporting each other through tough times, they turn hardships into a contest. If one partner shares a struggle, the other immediately tries to one-up them with their own problems. Being in competition shows a lack of empathy and a failure to work as a team.
6. They make major decisions without consulting each other.
Whether it’s a big purchase, a career move, or plans for the weekend, they act unilaterally without considering their partner’s input or feelings. This shows a lack of respect for the other’s role in the relationship and can lead to feelings of exclusion and resentment. It suggests they don’t view their lives as truly shared.
7. They use the silent treatment as a weapon.
When conflicts arise, one or both partners resort to stonewalling, refusing to communicate for extended periods. It’s a passive-aggressive tactic that’s emotionally manipulative and prevents real issues from being addressed. It creates a cycle of punishment and resentment rather than fostering open, honest communication.
8. They criticise each other’s appearance or intelligence.
Comments about weight gain, clothing choices, or intellectual capabilities are frequently thrown around as insults. These personal attacks go beyond constructive criticism and strike at the core of a person’s self-esteem. It shows a fundamental lack of respect and appreciation for who their partner is as an individual.
9. They keep score of past mistakes.
Instead of resolving issues and moving forward, they constantly bring up past transgressions. Every argument becomes a laundry list of all the ways their partner has wronged them over the course of the relationship. Doing this prevents growth and healing, keeping the couple stuck in a cycle of blame and defensiveness.
10. They prioritise their phones over face-to-face interaction.
During meals or when spending time together, they’re more engaged with their devices than with each other. Constant distraction shows a lack of interest in genuine connection and conversation. It can leave partners feeling ignored and unimportant, slowly eroding the intimacy in the relationship.
11. They mock each other’s interests and hobbies.
Instead of supporting or showing curiosity about their partner’s passions, they belittle or make fun of them. It shows a serious lack of respect for the other’s individuality and can make the partner feel self-conscious or defensive about things that bring them joy. It creates an atmosphere where partners feel they can’t freely express themselves.
12. They avoid making future plans together.
When discussions about the future come up, they’re vague or non-committal. Whether it’s planning a holiday or talking about long-term goals, there’s a reluctance to include each other in these visions.
13. They use guilt as a manipulation tactic.
One or both partners frequently try to make the other feel bad for their choices or actions. They might use phrases like “If you really loved me, you would…” or bring up sacrifices they’ve made to induce guilt. It’s emotional manipulation, and it creates an unhealthy power dynamic.
14. They avoid introducing each other to important people in their lives.
Whether it’s family, close friends, or colleagues, there’s a reluctance to integrate their partner into their social circles. Maybe they’re embarrassed about the relationship, or they lack commitment. Either way, it keeps the relationship isolated and prevents it from becoming a fully integrated part of their lives.
15. They always cancel plans with each other.
Last-minute cancellations or rain check requests become the norm rather than the exception. This pattern shows a lack of priority and respect for the other’s time. It can leave the partner feeling unimportant and create a sense of instability in the relationship.
16. They avoid physical intimacy or use it as a bargaining chip.
Physical affection becomes rare, or worse, is used as a reward or punishment for behaviour. Looking at intimacy like this turns it into a transactional element rather than a genuine expression of love and connection. It can create feelings of rejection, frustration, and emotional distance.
17. They criticise each other’s family and friends.
Instead of trying to build relationships with their partner’s loved ones, they constantly find fault with them. It puts the partner in an awkward position of having to choose sides and can create tension in multiple relationships. It shows a lack of effort to integrate into each other’s lives fully.
18. They withhold affection or praise as punishment.
When upset, they deliberately withhold kind words or gestures to make their partner suffer. Emotional withholding creates an atmosphere of insecurity and anxiety. They start to walk on eggshells, afraid of doing something that might result in this cold treatment.
19. They avoid resolving conflicts, letting issues fester.
Rather than addressing problems head-on, they sweep issues under the rug. The problem is, avoidance allows resentment to build over time, creating an undercurrent of tension in the relationship. Unresolved conflicts often resurface in more significant ways, creating a cycle of repeated arguments.
20. They make important commitments without enthusiasm.
When it comes to significant relationship milestones like moving in together or getting engaged, there’s a noticeable lack of excitement. These steps are taken with a sense of obligation or resignation rather than joy. One or both partners are probably not fully invested in the relationship’s future.
21. They consistently prioritise their own needs over their partner’s.
In decision-making, daily interactions, and future planning, one or both partners consistently put their own desires first without consideration for the other. Such a self-centred approach shows a lack of compromise and empathy, which are essential elements for a healthy partnership. It can leave the other partner feeling neglected and unimportant in the relationship.
