To continue victimising you, narcissists do everything possible to keep you under their control.
You may not even realise it’s happening, but they’re ruling your life in some major ways. The sooner you cotton on to their behaviour, the sooner you can break free from it. Here are some red flags to keep an eye out for.
1. Your achievements are either not impressive or not important.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to downplay your achievements or take credit for them, even if they literally did nothing to help. They make you feel like your efforts are insignificant or that you don’t deserve recognition. This can be incredibly demoralizing and make you question your own abilities.
2. You’re always desperately seeking their approval.
You find yourself constantly looking for them to validate you, even for the smallest decisions. You might feel like you need their permission to do things you enjoy, or that your opinions don’t matter unless they agree with them. This can wreck your self-confidence and make you feel dependent on them.
3. You’re always apologising, even when it’s not your fault.
Narcissists twist situations to make you feel guilty or responsible for their problems. They blame you for their mistakes or accuse you of being insensitive or uncaring. As a result, you probably find yourself apologising even when you’ve done nothing wrong, just to keep the peace.
4. You feel like you’re losing your sense of self.
Over time, the constant manipulation and control can make you lose sight of who you are. You start to doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and you feel like you’re no longer the person you used to be, and that your identity is being shaped by the narcissist’s influence.
5. You feel isolated from your friends and family.
A narcissist tries to isolate you from the people who care about you. They criticise the people you’re closest to, make it hard for you to see them, or even try to turn them against you (or vice versa). This can leave you feeling alone and vulnerable, making it harder to break free from their control.
6. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
You’re constantly on edge, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and triggering their anger or disapproval. To avoid upsetting them, you feel like you need to carefully monitor your every word and action. This can be incredibly stressful and draining, leaving you feeling exhausted and anxious.
7. Your needs and feelings are ignored or dismissed.
A narcissist disregards how you feel or what you need, making you feel unimportant and insignificant. They interrupt you, talk over you, or simply refuse to listen when you’re trying to express yourself. The effect this can have on you is monumental.
8. You’re gaslit and made to doubt your trust in yourself.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that involves making you question your own sanity and perceptions. A narcissist uses it by denying things they’ve said or done, twisting your words, and making you feel like you’re imagining things. You end up feeling confused and like you’re not sure what to believe.
9. You feel like you’re constantly being criticised and judged.
A narcissist nitpicks at your appearance, your behaviour, or your choices in order to make you feel inadequate and insecure. They compare you to other people in unflattering ways and generally do what they can to make you feel like you’re never good enough. You end up feeling totally worthless as a result.
10. You’re blamed for their problems and flaws.
A narcissist holds you responsible for their problems and failures. They accuse you of not being supportive enough, of not understanding them, or of being the cause of their problems. This can make you feel responsible for their happiness and put immense pressure on you to fix their issues.
11. You’re made to feel guilty for wanting independence or personal space.
A narcissist will guilt-trip you for wanting to spend time with friends or family, do your own thing, or simply have some alone time. They make you feel like you’re being selfish or neglectful if you don’t prioritise their needs above your own.
12. You’re love-bombed and then devalued.
Narcissists often use a cycle of love bombing and devaluation to keep you hooked. They shower you with attention, affection, and compliments at first, so that you feel special and loved. But then, they suddenly withdraw their affection, criticise you, and make you feel worthless. This rollercoaster of emotions can be incredibly confusing and emotionally draining.
13. You’re manipulated and controlled through fear and intimidation.
A narcissist often uses threats, intimidation, or emotional blackmail to get their way. They threaten to leave you, hurt you, or expose your secrets if you don’t comply with their demands. This can create a climate of fear and anxiety, making it hard to stand up for yourself or break free from their control.
14. You feel like you’re constantly walking on a tightrope.
You’re always trying to anticipate their moods and reactions, tiptoeing around their triggers to avoid conflict or disapproval. You feel like you’re constantly trying to maintain a delicate balance to keep them happy. This can be exhausting and leave you feeling emotionally drained.
15. Your gut feeling tells you something isn’t right.
Sometimes, the most telling sign is your own intuition. If you feel like something is off, like you’re being manipulated or controlled, trust your gut. Don’t ignore those red flags or dismiss your feelings. It’s important to listen to your inner voice and get help if you’re feeling trapped or overwhelmed.
16. You’re afraid to leave or challenge them.
You might feel trapped in the relationship, afraid of the consequences of leaving or challenging the narcissist. They might have threatened you, made you feel dependent on them, or convinced you that you’re worthless without them. It’s important to remember that you have the right to be treated with respect and dignity. You deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
