A little possessiveness in a relationship is natural, and it shows you care, but there’s a fine line between healthy attachment and being overly controlling.
If you find yourself crossing that line, it can create tension, stifle your partner’s freedom, and ultimately damage the relationship. Here are a few signs to watch out for that might mean you’re being too possessive.
1. You constantly check your partner’s phone or social media.
Source: Unsplash Snooping through someone’s private messages or social media accounts is a major invasion of privacy. It shows a lack of trust and just makes you seem toxic and insecure. Everyone deserves to have their own space and privacy, even in a committed relationship. If you feel the need to constantly monitor your partner’s digital activity, it’s a red flag that you might be struggling with trust issues.
2. You get jealous or angry when your partner spends time with other people.
A healthy relationship allows for individual friendships and social connections outside of the partnership. If you feel threatened or upset whenever your partner spends time with friends or family, that’s a problem. It’s important to encourage your partner to maintain their own social life and interests, even if it means they’re not always by your side. You need to follow suit!
3. You try to control your partner’s appearance or behaviour.
Dictating what your partner wears, how they style their hair, or who they can and can’t be friends with is a controlling behaviour. Everyone deserves to express themselves freely and make their own choices. Trying to mould your partner into someone they’re not is a recipe for resentment and unhappiness.
4. You constantly need to know where your partner is and who they’re with.
A little checking in is normal, but constantly demanding to know your partner’s whereabouts and interrogating them about their every move is a sign of possessiveness. It creates a sense of suffocation and can make your partner feel like they’re being monitored and controlled. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and it’s important to give your partner the freedom to live their life without constant surveillance.
5. You get upset when your partner doesn’t respond to your messages or calls immediately.
Everyone has a life outside of their relationship, and it’s unreasonable to expect your partner to be at your beck and call 24/7. Getting angry or anxious when they don’t respond immediately can be a sign of possessiveness and a lack of understanding for their personal space and time. Give them the space to breathe and respond at their own pace.
6. You guilt-trip your partner into spending all their free time with you.
Making your partner feel guilty for wanting to pursue their own interests or spend time with other people is manipulative and unhealthy. A healthy relationship allows for both togetherness and individuality. Encourage your partner to pursue their passions and maintain their own social life. It will make your time together even more special.
7. You isolate your partner from their friends and family.
Trying to cut your partner off from their support network is a classic sign of possessiveness and control. Healthy relationships thrive on a balance of connection and independence. Encourage your partner to maintain their relationships with friends and family, and don’t try to monopolise their time or attention.
8. You constantly accuse your partner of flirting or cheating, even without any evidence.
Baseless accusations and constant suspicion will inevitably destroy trust and create a toxic environment in the relationship. If you find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s loyalty or accusing them of infidelity without any concrete evidence, it might be a sign that you’re struggling with insecurity or possessiveness. Address these underlying issues, and work on building trust and open communication.
9. You get angry or upset when your partner gets attention or compliments from other people.
It’s natural to feel a pang of jealousy from time to time, but if you consistently go mental when anyone pays any attention or gives any compliments to your partner, it could be a sign of possessiveness. Remember, your partner is their own person, and it’s healthy for them to interact with other people. Celebrate their attractiveness and accomplishments, and don’t let insecurity overshadow your happiness for them.
10. You try to control your partner’s finances or spending habits.
Micromanaging your partner’s finances or criticising their spending choices can be a form of control. While it’s important to have open communication about money in a relationship, it’s equally important to respect each other’s financial autonomy. Trust your partner to make responsible decisions, and avoid power struggles over money.
11. You constantly check in on your partner when they’re not with you.
Sending a quick text to say “I love you” or “Have a great day” is sweet, but bombarding your partner with messages and calls when they’re out with friends or at work can be overwhelming and intrusive. Give them the space to enjoy their own time and trust that they’ll reach out to you when they can.
12. You find it hard to respect your partner’s boundaries or personal space.
Everyone needs time alone or with friends, and it’s important to respect those boundaries. If you’re constantly pushing your partner to spend every waking moment with you or intruding on their personal space, it can create resentment and strain the relationship. Learn to give your partner the space they need, and trust that they’ll come back to you.
13. You feel threatened or insecure when your partner talks about their exes.
It’s natural for people to have a past, and it’s important to be able to discuss it openly and honestly with your partner. If you feel threatened or insecure whenever your partner mentions their ex, it could be a sign of possessiveness and a lack of trust in the relationship. Remember, the past is the past, and focusing on building a strong future together is what matters most.
14. You try to sabotage your partner’s plans or goals if they don’t involve you.
If your partner wants to pursue a new hobby, take a solo trip, or make any other decision that doesn’t directly involve you, it’s important to be supportive. Trying to discourage them or undermine their plans is a controlling behaviour that can damage the relationship. Encourage your partner’s independence and celebrate their personal growth.
15. You make your partner feel guilty for having interests or hobbies that don’t include you.
Everyone deserves to have their own passions and interests, even within a committed relationship. If you make your partner feel guilty for wanting to spend time on their own hobbies or activities, it can create resentment and stifle their individuality. A healthy relationship allows for both shared experiences and individual pursuits.
