Everyone has a relative who either has something negative about everything you do or loves to give you helpful “suggestions” about what you could be doing better.
Dealing with hypercritical people is tough at the best of times, but when they’re part of your family, it’s even harder. However, you don’t have to let them get you down (and you really shouldn’t). Here’s how to deal with them.
1. Accept that it’s not about you.
People who criticise a lot are often dealing with their own problems. When they make negative comments about you, it’s usually more about their own issues than anything you’ve done. Try not to take it personally. Instead, understand that their harsh words come from their own insecurities and worries. Their criticism doesn’t define your value as a person. Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true.
2. Set boundaries.
You deserve to protect your emotional health. When a family member keeps saying hurtful things, it’s fine to set limits. Tell them clearly but politely that you know they care, but you don’t want to talk about certain subjects. You can decide what conversations you’re willing to have. Setting these boundaries isn’t rude — it’s taking care of yourself. It’s okay to speak up and let people know when their words are hurting you.
3. Focus on your strengths.
Source: Unsplash Make a list of your achievements, skills, and good traits. Write down everything you excel at and all the things you like about yourself. Include big and small accomplishments. Don’t be modest — this list is just for you. Look at it when you need a confidence boost. It’s a practical way to remember your worth, especially on tough days. Regularly updating this list can help you recognise your growth and strengths.
4. Choose your battles wisely.
You don’t need to fight every battle or defend yourself against all criticism. Sometimes, it’s smarter to ignore comments and avoid pointless arguments. Let some things pass without reacting. Not every remark deserves a response. By choosing your battles, you stay focused on what really matters. It’s okay to walk away from unnecessary drama. This doesn’t mean you’re weak — it shows you value your time and mental health. Practise letting go of minor irritations and see how much calmer you feel.
5. Surround yourself with supportive people.
Spend time with friends and family members who lift you up and celebrate your successes. Their positive energy will counteract the negativity from critical relatives and remind you of your worth. It’s like basking in the warmth of sunshine after being caught in a cold rain shower.
6. Practise self-compassion.
Be gentle with yourself and stop harsh self-talk. Everyone messes up sometimes, and it’s normal to be imperfect. Give yourself the same understanding you’d offer a good friend when they make a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up over small errors or setbacks. Instead, speak to yourself with kindness and patience. Understand that being human means having flaws and making mistakes. Learn from your missteps, but don’t dwell on them.
7. Don’t take it personally.
Try to distance yourself emotionally from criticism. What people say is just their opinion, not fact. You don’t need to absorb their negative comments or let them shape your self-image. Their words don’t define you. Focus on your own views and values instead of getting caught up in other people’s judgments. It’s okay to acknowledge the criticism without accepting it as truth. This emotional detachment takes practise, but it’s a valuable skill.
8. Find healthy ways to cope with stress.
Handling critical family members can wear you down emotionally. Find good ways to relieve stress. Exercise regularly, try meditation, or spend time outdoors. These activities can help clear your mind and boost your mood. Make self-care a priority. Get enough sleep, eat well, and do things you enjoy. Having these healthy habits will make you stronger when facing negativity. Don’t neglect your mental health — it’s just as important as physical health.
9. Consider family counselling.
If dealing with critical family members is significantly impacting your mental health or well-being, don’t hesitate to get help from a professional, potentially even with your family member. A therapist can provide you with coping strategies and support as you deal with these challenging relationships.
10. Focus on the present moment.
When you’re around critical family members, focus on staying present. Notice your surroundings — the sights, sounds, and smells. Engage in conversations with more positive people. Enjoy time with those who support you. Don’t let negative comments pull you into unpleasant thoughts or ruin your mood. If someone starts criticising, you can choose to change the subject or talk to someone else. Remind yourself that you’re in control of your reactions. Take deep breaths if you feel tense. Remember why you’re there — maybe to celebrate or spend time with loved ones. Don’t let a few critical remarks overshadow the entire experience.
11. Reframe their criticism.
Try to see their criticism as an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. Is there any truth to what they’re saying? Can you learn something from their feedback, even if it’s delivered harshly? You have the power to choose how you respond to their words.
12. Set realistic expectations.
Don’t expect critical family members to change overnight. It might take time and patience for them to adjust their behaviour. Focus on managing your own reactions and maintaining your own sense of self-worth.
13. Limit your exposure.
If spending time with critical family members is consistently draining, it’s okay to limit your exposure. You don’t have to attend every family gathering or spend every holiday with them. Look after yourself.
14. Find common ground.
Look for common interests or activities you both like. This can change how you interact and create better moments together. Maybe you both enjoy cooking, watching sports, or playing board games. Suggest doing these things when you meet. Shared experiences can lead to more positive conversations. It’s harder to be critical when you’re having fun together. This approach can slowly improve your relationship.
15. Communicate assertively.
Talk about your feelings and needs openly and clearly. Use “I” sentences to avoid sounding like you’re attacking or defending yourself. For example, don’t say, “You’re always criticising me.” Instead, try, “I feel hurt when you make negative comments about my choices.” This way, you’re explaining how their words affect you without blaming them. It’s harder for someone to argue with your feelings. Be specific about what bothers you and what you’d like to change.
16. Remember, you have the power.
You have the power to choose how you respond to criticism and negativity. Don’t let other people dictate your self-worth or happiness. Surround yourself with positive influences, practise self-care, and remember that you’re strong, capable, and deserving of love and respect.
