You want to draw people in, but the opposite seems to be happening. What’s going on here?
If you find that all of your efforts to connect only seem to end with people seeming further away than ever before, it could be down to your behaviour. Sure, you mean well, but if you’re making these mistakes, it’s no surprise that you’re not having much luck in the interpersonal relationship department.
1. You overshare personal details too soon.
While being open and vulnerable can build connection, there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing. Revealing too much too soon can make people feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. It’s like inviting someone into your house before they’ve even had a chance to knock. Start with lighter topics and gradually deepen the conversation as trust builds. Let the layers of your personality unfold naturally, like the petals of a blooming flower.
2. You need constant validation and reassurance.
We all need a little encouragement from time to time, but constantly seeking approval can be draining for those around you. It’s like asking for a high-five after every single accomplishment, no matter how small. Instead of relying on other people to boost your confidence, focus on building your own self-esteem. Celebrate your successes internally and learn to appreciate your own worth, independent of external validation.
3. You interrupt or talk over people.
Even if you have the best intentions, interrupting someone mid-sentence can be incredibly rude and disrespectful. It sends the message that you don’t value their thoughts or opinions. Instead, practice active listening. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, make eye contact, and nod along to show you’re engaged. Wait for a natural pause before sharing your own thoughts, and remember that conversations are a two-way street.
4. You offer unsolicited advice.
We all have that friend who loves to dispense advice, even when we didn’t ask for it and don’t want it. While you may think you’re being helpful, unsolicited advice can often come across as condescending or judgemental. Instead, offer support and empathy. Listen to their concerns, validate their feelings, and ask if they want your advice before offering it. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear, not a lecture.
5. You never admit when you’re wrong.
Nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. However, refusing to acknowledge your errors can be a major turn-off. It makes you seem stubborn, defensive, and unwilling to learn or grow. Instead, embrace your fallibility. Admit when you’ve messed up, say you’re sorry (and mean it), and take steps to make amends. Owning up to your mistakes shows humility, integrity, and a willingness to take responsibility for your actions.
6. You dominate the conversation.
Conversations should be a balanced exchange of ideas and experiences. However, if you’re constantly talking about yourself, your accomplishments, or your problems, it can leave people feeling unheard and unimportant. Make an effort to ask questions, show genuine interest in their lives, and actively listen to their responses. Remember, conversations are not a solo performance but a collaborative dance.
7. You make everything about yourself.
Even when someone else is sharing their good news or struggles, do you find a way to relate it back to yourself? This habit can make you seem self-centred and insensitive. Instead, focus on celebrating their achievements, offering empathy for their challenges, and being genuinely happy for them. Remember, not every conversation has to be about you. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be present for the other person.
8. You’re always negative and complaining.
While it’s important to acknowledge and process negative emotions, constantly complaining can be exhausting for those around you. It’s like a dark cloud following you everywhere you go, raining on everyone’s parade. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life, even when things are tough. Practice gratitude, find joy in small things, and cultivate an optimistic outlook. Your positive energy will be infectious and attract people towards you.
9. You neglect your personal hygiene.
Good hygiene is essential for making a good impression and maintaining healthy relationships. If you consistently neglect your personal hygiene, it can be a major turn-off for people. Remember to shower regularly, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes, and use deodorant. These simple habits show respect for yourself and other people, and they can make a big difference in how people perceive you.
10. You’re always late.
Being chronically late shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and can make you seem unreliable and inconsiderate. It’s as if you’re saying their time is less valuable than yours. Make an effort to be punctual for appointments, meetings, and social gatherings. If you know you’re running late, communicate proactively and apologise for the inconvenience. Showing up on time demonstrates that you value the other person and respect their schedule.
11. You gossip and spread rumours.
Gossiping may seem harmless, but it can be incredibly hurtful and damaging. It creates a toxic environment. If you’re known for gossiping, people may be hesitant to confide in you or share personal information. Instead, focus on building people up, not tearing them down. Speak kindly about people, celebrate their successes, and avoid spreading rumours or engaging in negative conversations.
12. You’re overly critical and judgemental.
While constructive feedback can be helpful, constant criticism can be incredibly demoralising and push people away. Nobody wants to be around someone who constantly points out their flaws or makes them feel inadequate. Instead, try to be more supportive and encouraging. Focus on people’s strengths, offer genuine compliments, and celebrate their achievements. Remember, everyone is on their own journey, and it’s not your place to judge them.
13. You lack boundaries and respect for personal space.
Everyone needs personal space and boundaries, and it’s important to respect them. If you’re constantly invading people’s personal space, overstepping their boundaries, or ignoring their cues for distance, it can make them feel uncomfortable and violated. Be mindful of their personal space, respect their boundaries, and ask for permission before getting too close or sharing personal information. This shows respect for their autonomy and allows them to feel safe and comfortable around you.
14. You’re always trying to “fix” people.
Source: Unsplash While it’s natural to want to help loved ones who are struggling, constantly trying to “fix” them can be suffocating and counterproductive. It’s like trying to force a square peg into a round hole. Instead, offer support and encouragement, listen without judgement, and allow them to navigate their challenges at their own pace. Sometimes, the best way to help someone is simply to be there for them and believe in their ability to find their own solutions.
