Connecting with someone new is exciting, but sometimes that whirlwind romance isn’t as dreamy as it seems.
Love-bombing can sweep you off your feet before you realise what’s happening. These over-the-top gestures leave you feeling head over heels, only to have the rug pulled out from under you later. Here’s how you know you’re dealing with a psychopath who’s using this manipulation tactic to get you right where they want you.
1. They shower you with excessive compliments.
Source: Unsplash It’s nice to feel appreciated, but if your new partner is constantly praising every little thing about you, it might be a red flag. They’ll tell you you’re perfect, the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen, or that you’re their soulmate — all within days of meeting. They want you to feel special and quickly become emotionally dependent on them.
2. The relationship moves at warp speed.
One minute you’re exchanging numbers, the next they’re talking about moving in together. Love-bombers push for commitment rapidly, often discussing marriage or a shared future within weeks of meeting. It’s not romantic spontaneity; it’s a tactic to overwhelm you and create a false sense of intimacy before you have time to see their true colours.
3. They’re always available, no matter what.
It seems great at first — they reply to your texts instantly, always pick up your calls, and are free whenever you want to meet. However, this constant availability is often a sign they’re trying to monopolise your time and attention. They might not have other commitments because they’re focused solely on reeling you in.
4. Grand gestures become the norm.
Expensive gifts, surprise trips, or elaborate dates become commonplace early in the relationship. While these gestures might seem romantic, they’re often a way to create a sense of obligation. The love-bomber is setting you up to feel indebted to them, making it harder for you to leave when their behaviour changes later.
5. They want to know everything about you immediately.
Curiosity about a new partner is normal, but love-bombers take it to an extreme. They’ll ask probing questions about your past, your fears, and your insecurities very early on. This isn’t genuine interest; it’s information gathering. They’re looking for vulnerabilities they can exploit later in the relationship.
6. You feel pressured to reciprocate their intensity.
The love-bomber’s overwhelming affection can make you feel guilty if you’re not matching their level of commitment or enthusiasm. You might find yourself saying “I love you” before you’re ready or agreeing to things you’re not comfortable with, just to avoid disappointing them. This pressure is a subtle form of control.
7. They isolate you from friends and family.
At first, it might seem sweet that they want to spend all their time with you. But gradually, they’ll start discouraging you from seeing other people. They might make subtle digs about your friends or family, or create scenarios where you have to choose between them and your loved ones.
8. Your boundaries are consistently ignored.
Source: Unsplash Love-bombers often disregard personal boundaries. If you express discomfort with their behaviour or ask for space, they’ll dismiss your concerns or make you feel guilty for having them. They might show up uninvited, make decisions for you, or push you into situations you’re not comfortable with, all under the guise of love and care. Yikes!
9. They have a sob story that tugs at your heartstrings.
Source: Unsplash Early on, they’ll share tales of past trauma or heartbreak, often painting themselves as the victim. This vulnerability might seem like a sign of trust, but it’s usually a calculated move to gain your sympathy and make you feel protective of them. They’re setting the stage for you to overlook their future bad behaviour out of compassion.
10. Your gut feeling is off, despite the romance.
Even as you’re swept up in the excitement, something doesn’t feel quite right. You might struggle to put your finger on it, but there’s a nagging sense that things are moving too fast or that their affection isn’t genuine. Trust this instinct. Your subconscious often picks up on red flags before your conscious mind acknowledges them.
11. They mirror your interests and personality.
Suddenly, they’re passionate about all the same things you are. They’ll adopt your mannerisms, echo your opinions, and claim to share your deepest values. This mirroring goes beyond normal compatibility; it’s an attempt to present themselves as your perfect match. Be wary if they seem to have no conflicting opinions or interests of their own.
12. Their mood swings are dramatic and unpredictable.
One moment they’re showering you with affection, the next they’re cold or even hostile. These sudden shifts in behaviour are often triggered by perceived slights — maybe you took too long to reply to a text or spoke to someone they see as a rival. This emotional rollercoaster is designed to keep you off-balance and constantly seeking their approval.
13. They use love as a bargaining chip.
Phrases like “If you really loved me, you’d do this” become common. They might threaten to withdraw their affection if you don’t comply with their wishes. This emotional blackmail is a way of controlling your behaviour and making you feel that you need to constantly prove your love and commitment to them.
14. Your achievements are downplayed or ignored.
While they’ll lavish praise on you for arbitrary things, your real accomplishments often go unacknowledged. They might change the subject when you share good news or find ways to diminish your success. This is a subtle tactic to undermine your confidence and make you more reliant on their validation.
15. They have a Jekyll and Hyde personality.
Around others, they’re charming and charismatic, but in private, you see a different side. They might be controlling, critical, or even verbally abusive when you’re alone together. This stark contrast can leave you feeling confused and doubting your own perceptions of the relationship.
16. You feel exhausted trying to maintain the relationship.
Despite all the supposed love and affection, you find yourself constantly drained. Keeping up with their demands for attention, navigating their mood swings, and trying to reciprocate their intensity is emotionally and mentally exhausting. A healthy relationship should energise you, not leave you feeling depleted.
