Everyone has things they don’t like about themselves and feel a bit insecure about — that’s part of being human.
However, the people who care about you do so despite (or maybe even because!) of these flaws, and they’d never make you feel bad about them. If someone says these things to you, they’re clearly using your insecurities against you. Don’t fall for it!
1. They might say, “I’m only telling you this for your own good.”
On the surface, this seems nice enough, but it’s often a disguise for criticism or judgement disguised as helpful advice. It can be a way to make you feel insecure about your choices or actions, while the manipulator maintains a position of superiority.
2. They could say, “Nobody else would put up with you.”
Ah yes, an obvious attempt to isolate you and make you feel dependent on them. It implies that you’re lucky to have them in your life, even if they treat you poorly, because no one else would deal with your imperfections. It’s utter nonsense.
3. They may tell you, “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a classic tactic to invalidate your feelings and dismiss your worries. It’s a way to make you question your own reactions and doubt your perceptions, ultimately making you more susceptible to their toxic behaviour.
4. They might say, “You’re just overreacting.”
Similar to the previous item, this is used to minimise your feelings and make you feel like you’re being unreasonable or dramatic. It’s a way to deflect responsibility for their own actions and gaslight you into questioning your own sanity.
5. They could say, “If you really loved me, you would…”
If you looked up manipulation in the dictionary, this sentence should be there. It uses guilt and conditional love to control your behaviour. It implies that your love is contingent on fulfilling their demands or expectations, regardless of how unreasonable or harmful they might be.
6. They may tell you, “I’m the only one who truly understands you.”
This creates a false sense of intimacy and dependence. It isolates you from other relationships and makes you feel like they’re the only one who truly sees and accepts you, even if their behaviour suggests otherwise.
7. They might say, “You’re so lucky to have me.”
This is incredibly arrogant and reinforces their sense of superiority and the dependence they think you have on them. It’s a way to make you feel grateful for their presence in your life, even if they’re treating you terribly.
8. They could say, “Remember that time when you…”
Bringing up past mistakes or embarrassing moments is a way to shame you and make you feel insecure. It’s a tactic to keep you in a state of self-doubt and make you more susceptible to their control.
9. They might say, “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”
They use this as a way to undermine your self-worth and make you believe that you don’t deserve love or respect from anyone else, which is pure rubbish. It’s a way to keep you trapped in the relationship, even if it’s unhealthy or unfulfilling.
10. They could tell you, “I’m just joking, can’t you take a joke?”
When people want to gloss over their hurtful or insensitive comments, they tend to say this. They want you to question your own reactions and make you feel like you’re being overly sensitive or can’t take a joke.
11. They may say, “Everyone else thinks…”
Using peer pressure and social validation to manipulate your thoughts and actions is something only a truly nasty person would do. They’re claiming that everyone else agrees with them, even if it’s not true, and can make you question your own judgement.
12. They might say, “You’re always so negative/dramatic/emotional.”
This is a way to invalidate your feelings and make you feel like you’re the problem. It shifts the focus away from their behaviour and onto you, which isn’t fair.
13. They could tell you, “You’re just imagining things.”
Another form of gaslighting, saying this is supposed to make you doubt your ability to see situations or people clearly. It’s a way to write off your very valid concerns and make you feel like you’re going crazy.
14. They may say, “Nobody else understands me like you do.”
This creates a false sense of specialness and exclusivity in the relationship. It makes you feel like you’re the only one who truly gets them, even if their behaviour is harmful or manipulative.
