It’s easy to fall into relationship patterns that seem normal or even romantic, especially when we see them portrayed in the media or in the relationships around us.
However, many of these behaviours can actually be signs of dysfunction, rather than a healthy connection. Here are some patterns you’ll want to break, if you recognise them in your own relationship.
1. You constantly sacrifice your own needs for your partner.
While compromise is essential in any relationship, consistently putting your partner’s needs above your own is unsustainable. This pattern can lead to resentment and a loss of self. A healthy relationship involves a balance where both partners’ needs are acknowledged and met.
2. You avoid conflict at all costs.
Steering clear of disagreements might seem peaceful, but it often leads to unresolved issues and pent-up frustrations. Healthy relationships involve the ability to navigate conflicts respectfully and productively. Avoiding difficult conversations stunts growth and understanding between partners.
3. You expect your partner to read your mind.
Assuming your partner should know what you’re thinking or feeling without clear communication is a recipe for misunderstandings. This expectation places unfair pressure on your partner and can lead to disappointment and resentment. Open, honest communication is crucial for a functional relationship.
4. You keep score of favours and mistakes.
Tallying up who did what or who messed up more turns the relationship into a competition. This pattern creates an atmosphere of tension and mistrust. In a healthy relationship, partners support each other without keeping a mental ledger of debts and credits.
5. You use the silent treatment as punishment.
Withdrawing communication as a form of punishment is a manipulative tactic that creates emotional distance. It’s an immature way of dealing with issues and can be deeply hurtful. Healthy relationships involve addressing problems directly and maintaining open lines of communication, even during disagreements.
6. You prioritise the relationship over all other aspects of life.
While your partnership is important, neglecting friendships, family, personal interests, or career for the sake of the relationship is unhealthy. This can lead to codependency and a loss of individual identity. Balanced relationships allow space for personal growth and outside interests.
7. You constantly look for reassurance about your partner’s feelings.
Needing frequent validation of your partner’s love or commitment can stem from insecurity and become exhausting for both parties. It can create a dynamic where one partner feels pressured to constantly prove their affection. Trust and self-confidence are essential for a stable relationship.
8. You make major life decisions without consulting your partner.
In a committed relationship, significant decisions that affect both partners should be made together. Unilaterally making choices about career moves, large purchases, or lifestyle changes shows a lack of respect for your partner’s input and can breed resentment.
9. You use jealousy as a measure of love.
Viewing jealousy as a sign of affection or intentionally trying to make your partner jealous is toxic. Healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, not possessiveness or manipulation. Genuine love involves wanting your partner to feel secure, not insecure.
10. You ignore red flags or deal-breakers.
Overlooking serious incompatibilities or concerning behaviours in the hope that things will change is setting yourself up for disappointment. Acknowledging and addressing these issues early on is crucial for building a healthy, sustainable relationship.
11. You use threats of breaking up during arguments.
Threatening to end the relationship as a way to win an argument or get your way is manipulative and inevitably destroys trust. It creates an atmosphere of instability and fear. Healthy couples work through disagreements without resorting to such extreme tactics.
12. You rely on your partner for all your emotional needs.
Expecting your partner to be your sole source of emotional support is unrealistic and unhealthy. It places an enormous burden on one person and can lead to emotional burnout. Maintaining a support network outside the relationship is crucial for both partners’ well-being.
13. You compare your relationship to other people’s.
Constantly measuring your relationship against anyone else’s, whether real or portrayed in the media, sets unrealistic standards. Every relationship is unique, and comparisons often lead to dissatisfaction. Focus on what works for you and your partner rather than trying to emulate other people.
14. You avoid discussing the future.
While it’s important to live in the present, consistently avoiding conversations about the future can indicate fear of commitment or misaligned goals. Healthy relationships involve open discussions about future plans and aspirations to ensure both partners are on the same page.
15. You use intimacy as a bargaining tool.
Withholding or offering physical intimacy as a reward or punishment turns sex into a transactional element of the relationship. This pattern can create resentment and damage the emotional connection between partners. Intimacy should be a mutual expression of affection, not a tool for manipulation.
16. You dismiss your partner’s feelings or concerns.
Invalidating your partner’s emotions or brushing off their worries as unimportant is disrespectful and damaging. Even if you don’t agree, acknowledging and respecting your partner’s feelings is crucial for maintaining trust and emotional intimacy in the relationship.
