Most toxic people aren’t particularly open about it — they operate by being a bit more sly and underhanded.
While they may not be blatant about their ways, there are subtle signs of toxicity that stand out if you know what you’re looking for. In particular, the things they say can shed some light on their toxic nature, so listen out for these phrases.
1. “You’re being too sensitive” is a classic way to invalidate your feelings.
This is a favourite among toxic people. It’s their go-to when you call them out on their behaviour. By dismissing your emotions, they’re trying to make you doubt yourself. They want you to think you’re overreacting, when in reality, your feelings are valid. It’s a sneaky way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
2. “I’m just being honest” is often used to justify cruel comments.
Toxic people love to hide behind the guise of honesty. They’ll say something hurtful and then claim they’re just being truthful. But there’s a big difference between honesty and cruelty. Kind people can be honest without being nasty. This is usually just an excuse for bad behaviour.
3. “You’re imagining things” is used to make you doubt your reality.
This is a classic example of gaslighting. By telling you that you’re imagining things, toxic people are trying to make you question your own perception. They want you to doubt your memories and experiences. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off-balance and under their control.
4. “You’re lucky to have me” is a red flag for controlling behaviour.
This reeks of arrogance and manipulation. Toxic people use it to make you feel like you owe them something. They want you to believe you’re fortunate to be in their presence. It’s a way of undermining your self-worth and keeping you dependent on them. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, not one-sided gratitude.
5. “I didn’t mean it like that” is often used to backtrack on hurtful comments.
When called out on their behaviour, toxic people might use this to avoid taking responsibility. They’re trying to shift the blame onto you for misinterpreting their words. It’s a way of avoiding accountability while still maintaining their position. Pay attention if this becomes a pattern – it’s a sign they’re not truly sorry for their actions.
6. “You’re overreacting” is another way to dismiss your feelings.
Similar to “You’re being too sensitive,” this is used to invalidate your emotions. Toxic people use it to make you feel like you’re the problem. They want you to doubt your reactions and think you’re being unreasonable. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you have every right to express them.
7. “You made me do it” is a classic way to avoid taking responsibility.
Source: Unsplash This is all about shifting blame. Toxic people use it to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They want you to believe that their behaviour is your fault. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their choices. Remember, everyone is responsible for their own actions.
8. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not a real apology.
Source: Unsplash This is a non-apology apology. It sounds like they’re saying sorry, but they’re actually just expressing regret that you’re upset. They’re not taking responsibility for their actions or acknowledging that they’ve done anything wrong. It’s a subtle way of putting the blame back on you for feeling hurt.
9. “You’re lucky I put up with you” is a way to destroy your self-esteem.
This is incredibly damaging, and toxic people use it to make you feel like you’re a burden, that you should be grateful for their presence in your life. It’s a way of controlling you by making you feel unworthy. Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and appreciation, not tolerance.
10. “That never happened” is a blatant attempt at gaslighting.
When toxic people say this, they’re trying to make you doubt your own memory and perception of events. It’s a form of manipulation designed to confuse you and make you question reality. If you find yourself constantly doubting your memories around someone, it’s a big red flag.
11. “You’re crazy” is a way to undermine your mental stability.
This is another form of gaslighting. By calling you crazy, toxic people are attempting to discredit your thoughts and feelings. They want you to doubt your own sanity, so you’ll be more likely to rely on their version of reality. It’s a cruel and manipulative tactic that should never be tolerated.
12. “I’m doing this for your own good” is often used to justify controlling behaviour.
Toxic people love to paint themselves as saviours. They’ll say this to make you believe their controlling or hurtful actions are actually beneficial for you. It’s a way of manipulating you into accepting their behaviour. Remember, true care and concern don’t come with strings attached.
13. “You’re being dramatic” is another way to invalidate your feelings.
This is a way to dismiss your emotions and make you feel like you’re overreacting. Toxic people use it to avoid dealing with the consequences of their actions. They want you to think you’re the problem, not their behaviour. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.
14. “You owe me” is used to create a sense of obligation.
Toxic people love to keep score. They’ll say this to make you feel indebted to them, even for things you never asked for. It’s a way of manipulating you into doing what they want. Healthy relationships aren’t about keeping tabs or creating obligations – they’re about mutual care and respect.
15. “I’m just joking” is often used to cover up mean-spirited comments.
This is a classic way for toxic people to backtrack on hurtful remarks. They’ll say something nasty and then claim it was just a joke when you get upset. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility for their words while making you feel like you can’t take a joke. Remember, real jokes are funny for everyone involved.
16. “You’re so ungrateful” is used to make you feel guilty for having boundaries.
Toxic people use this when you stand up for yourself or refuse to do something they want. They’re trying to make you feel guilty for having boundaries or your own opinions. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you under their control. Remember, it’s not ungrateful to have self-respect and personal boundaries.
17. “No one else would put up with you” is a cruel attempt to isolate you.
This is an extremely toxic phrase designed to knock your self-esteem and make you feel dependent on the toxic person. They want you to believe that you’re unlovable and that they’re your only option. It’s a lie meant to keep you isolated and under their control. Remember, there are always people out there who will appreciate and respect you for who you are.
