It’s natural to want to be the love of your partner’s life, but sometimes you might get a nagging feeling that you’re not quite measuring up to their ex (at least in their head).
They may not come right out and say it, but there are some pretty sneaky signs that your other half wishes you were a bit more like their previous partner. Here’s how you know that might be the case.
1. They keep bringing up their ex in conversation.
If your partner’s constantly dropping their ex’s name into chats, it might not be as innocent as it seems. Sure, sometimes exes come up naturally, but if they’re always banging on about how great their ex was at cooking or how funny they were, it could be a sign they’re making comparisons. It’s like they’re subtly hinting at what they’re missing.
2. They suggest you try their ex’s hobbies or interests.
Maybe your partner’s suddenly keen for you to take up rock climbing or learn French, coincidentally the same hobbies their ex was into. If they’re pushing you to try things that were a big part of their past relationship, they might be trying to recreate what they had before. It’s not always conscious, but it’s worth noticing if it’s happening a lot.
3. They compare your skills to their ex’s, and not in a nice way.
This one’s a bit more obvious and definitely not on. If your partner’s always pointing out how their ex was better at certain things, whether it’s cooking, DIY, or even bedroom stuff, that’s a red flag. It’s not just rude, it’s a clear sign they’re wishing you were more like their ex in some ways.
4. They keep photos or mementos of their ex around.
We all have a past, but if your partner’s still got loads of pictures of their ex on display or keeps sentimental items from their old relationship front and centre, it might mean they’re not fully over them. It’s one thing to keep a few memories tucked away, but if it feels like their ex is still a big part of your shared space, that’s a bit off.
5. They’re always talking about “the good old days”.
If your partner’s constantly reminiscing about times that just happen to coincide with their previous relationship, it could be a sign they’re missing that period of their life. It’s normal to look back fondly sometimes, but if it’s all they talk about, they might be wishing they could recreate those times with you.
6. They try to change your appearance to be more like their ex.
This one’s really dodgy. If your partner’s always suggesting you change your hair or dress more like their ex used to, that’s not on. It’s fine to give each other style tips, but if it feels like they’re trying to turn you into a carbon copy of their ex, that’s crossing a line.
7. They’re overly critical of things their ex was good at.
If your partner’s always picking at you about stuff their ex excelled at, it could be a sign they’re making unfair comparisons. Maybe they’re always on your case about being messy if their ex was super tidy, or criticising your cooking if their ex was a chef. It’s not fair to hold you to someone else’s standards.
8. They’re still in regular contact with their ex.
Some people manage to stay friends with their exes, and that’s fine. But if your partner’s constantly texting or calling their ex, especially about stuff that’s not necessary, it could be a sign they’re not fully invested in your relationship. It’s worth having a chat about boundaries if this is happening.
9. They bring up inside jokes from their past relationship.
If your partner’s always cracking jokes or using phrases that you don’t get, and then explaining “oh, it’s just something from when I was with my ex”, that’s a bit off. It’s like they’re living in two worlds, and one of them doesn’t include you. It can make you feel really left out.
10. They seem disappointed when you don’t react like their ex would.
Everyone’s different, and that’s a good thing. But if your partner seems let down when you don’t respond to things the same way their ex did, it’s a sign they’re making unfair comparisons. Maybe they’re surprised when you don’t get as excited about something as their ex would have, or they seem annoyed when you don’t handle situations the same way.
11. They suggest activities or date ideas that were special to their past relationship.
It’s nice to share special experiences, but if your partner’s always suggesting stuff that was meaningful in their past relationship, it could be a sign they’re trying to recreate those memories. Maybe they keep wanting to go to “this amazing restaurant” that just happens to be where they always went with their ex. It’s like they’re trying to relive their past with you.
12. They get oddly nostalgic around certain dates or places.
We all have memories tied to certain times or places, but if your partner gets weirdly emotional or distant around their ex’s birthday or at spots that were special to their old relationship, it could mean they’re not fully over it. It’s like they’re mentally checking out of your relationship to revisit their past.
13. They’re overly defensive of their ex.
It’s decent to not slag off your ex, but if your partner’s always jumping to their ex’s defence, even when it’s not necessary, it could be a sign they’re still carrying a torch for them. If you can’t say anything even slightly negative about their ex without them kicking off, that’s a bit sus.
14. They compare your relationship milestones to their past ones.
Every relationship moves at its own pace, but if your partner’s always comparing your milestones to how things went with their ex, it’s not great. Maybe they keep mentioning how they were already living together by this point with their ex, or how they’d already met the parents. It’s like they’re following a relationship script from their past.
15. They seem disappointed when you excel at something their ex struggled with.
This one’s a bit weird, but it happens. If your partner seems put out when you’re good at something their ex wasn’t, it could be because they’re so used to filling that role. Maybe they’re used to being the “handy one” because their ex wasn’t, and they don’t know how to handle it when you’re a DIY whiz. It’s like they’re more comfortable with their ex’s flaws than your strengths.
