Spending every waking moment worried about what other people think of you is no way to live.
However, so many people do, and they change who they are and the way they act because of it. It’s one thing to want to make a good impression or help people out sometimes when they’re in a bind, but if you relate to any of these things, you’re going overboard with your people-pleasing and need to take a step back.
1. You apologise for everything.
You say “sorry” even when someone bumps into you. You apologise before asking a question, sharing an opinion, or just existing. Whether in person or in messages, your first instinct is to apologise, as if you’re taking up too much space or bothering everyone. This habit keeps you feeling small and constantly at fault, even when there’s nothing to apologise for.
2. Your calendar is packed with favours.
Your schedule is packed, but not with things for yourself. It’s full of errands, favours, and extra tasks you agreed to help with—even though you’re already stretched thin. You keep saying yes, pushing aside your own priorities, and end up feeling burned out. Instead of having time for what matters to you, your calendar is ruled by what other people need.
3. You never express your preferences.
When friends ask where to go for dinner, you say, “Anywhere’s fine.” You defer to other people’s plans, even if they don’t appeal to you, and stay quiet in meetings rather than voicing your thoughts. You’re so used to blending in that expressing what you actually want feels strange, even uncomfortable. You end up feeling anxious at the idea of putting your preferences out there.
4. You can’t handle disagreement.
The idea of a minor conflict makes your heart race, so you’ll agree with opposing viewpoints or nod along just to avoid confrontation. Changing your stance to keep the peace means that you often compromise your values or opinions to avoid even a hint of tension. The fear of upsetting someone else becomes more important than staying true to yourself.
5. You neglect your own needs.
Your well-being takes a back seat as you prioritise everyone else’s comfort. You skip meals, lose sleep, and push off self-care to meet other people’s demands. Responsibilities of your own pile up because you’re too busy trying to make everyone happy, and your health and happiness start to slip away under the weight of constant overgiving.
6. You feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
If someone’s upset, you immediately assume it’s your fault and go into overdrive trying to make things right. You exhaust yourself trying to keep everyone around you happy, even in situations completely beyond your control. Taking on the responsibility for other people’s feelings drains your energy and leaves you feeling weighed down.
7. You can’t say no.
Turning down a request feels almost impossible, so you make up excuses instead of declining directly. Even when you instantly regret saying yes, you go through with it anyway, letting your boundaries get crossed again and again. Each time you agree to something you don’t want to do, resentment builds, leaving you feeling trapped by your own kindness.
8. You downplay your achievements.
When people compliment you, you brush it off or redirect the praise. You worry that celebrating your accomplishments will make other people’s uncomfortable, so you shrink your successes, even when you’ve worked hard. Talking about what you’re proud of feels unnatural, and you avoid the spotlight to prevent any possibility of overshadowing anyone.
9. You hide your true feelings.
Your real emotions stay hidden behind a polite smile. You laugh off comments that actually hurt or pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. The constant masking leaves you feeling detached from your own feelings, as you prioritise keeping up appearances over expressing yourself. Over time, this facade leaves you feeling like a stranger to yourself.
10. You take on other people’s problems.
You turn other people’s challenges into your personal missions. You offer help before anyone even asks and lose sleep worrying about issues that aren’t yours to fix. The tendency to overstep leaves you depleted, pouring energy into other people’s lives while your own needs go unmet.
11. You feel constantly anxious.
Your mind races with worry about how you’re perceived. You replay conversations, picking apart every word to see if you might’ve offended someone. The fear of disappointing other people often keeps you from making decisions that put you first. This relentless anxiety leaves you second-guessing your every move and sacrificing your own happiness.
12. You struggle with decisions.
Making even small choices can feel paralysing when you’re focused on keeping everyone else happy. You second-guess yourself repeatedly and look for endless reassurance from other people. Each decision becomes a mental battle, draining your energy and making you doubt your own judgement.
13. You feel invisible.
Even though you go out of your way for everyone, you still feel unseen. Constantly putting other people first has caused your own dreams and interests to fade into the background. You feel as though the real you is disappearing under a “helpful” persona, and you can’t remember the last time you did something for yourself.
14. You attract takers.
People who want something seem drawn to you, likely because your kindness is well-known. You find yourself surrounded by people who take more than they give, leaving you with one-sided relationships. Your generosity becomes a magnet for takers, and the cycle of being used feels all too familiar.
15. You feel constantly drained.
Your energy levels are always low, and you struggle to remember the last time you felt rested. Simple tasks seem overwhelming because you’re constantly running on empty, trying to meet everyone’s expectations. Exhaustion becomes your norm, affecting everything from your work to your relationships.
