Everyone wants to be liked and to enjoy close relationships with people, but is your behaviour making that hard?
If you claim you want to make friends, find a partner, and build strong connections with your family members, then you should probably cross these behaviours off the list of acceptable ones. Acting in these ways will push people away instead of drawing them closer, and that’s the last thing you want, right?
1. Turning every chat into a complaint fest
We all need to vent, but if every conversation turns into a list of grievances, people might start avoiding you. Constant negativity can weigh people down, and they’ll likely keep their distance if it feels like your vibe is all doom and gloom. Balance it out with a little positivity now and then, and people will feel more drawn to your energy.
2. Playing “fixer” instead of just listening
Not every problem needs a solution, and jumping into “fix-it” mode can feel dismissive to someone who just wants to be heard. Sometimes people just want a listener, not a life coach. Giving space to talk it out, without offering unsolicited advice, shows you value their feelings and don’t see them as a project to solve.
3. Being a “one-upper”
Everyone loves sharing their stories, but if you’re constantly topping theirs with something bigger or “better,” it can feel like a competition. People tend to drift away from those who make everything about themselves. Just letting their story stand on its own is often enough to make them feel appreciated and heard.
4. Turning little things into huge dramas
Overreacting to small issues can make people feel like they’re walking on eggshells. No one wants to worry that a tiny disagreement will explode into a big conflict. Keeping things in perspective helps people feel safe sharing their thoughts without fear of a blow-up.
5. Ignoring the power of a genuine apology
Refusing to admit when you’re wrong can slowly push people away. A heartfelt apology shows humility and respect for the other person’s feelings. Holding on to pride over simply saying “I’m sorry” can leave a lasting crack in trust, one that’s hard to repair down the line.
6. Turning every interaction into a “me show”
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly steering conversations back to yourself, other people might start to feel invisible. Asking questions and showing interest in their lives is the foundation of any good relationship. A genuine curiosity about what they’re up to creates a balanced, fulfilling exchange where both sides feel valued.
7. Being flaky or unreliable
Source: Unsplash Repeatedly cancelling plans or showing up late sends the message that their time doesn’t matter. When people can’t count on you, they’ll eventually stop trying to make plans. Consistency doesn’t have to mean grand gestures; just showing up as promised builds trust and strengthens bonds.
8. Over-sharing private details too soon
Source: Unsplash Sharing too much, too fast can overwhelm people and make them feel uncomfortable. Letting relationships develop naturally, rather than offloading all your baggage early on, gives the other person time to get to know you at a comfortable pace. Trust takes time to build, and pacing can make all the difference.
9. Taking everything personally
Source: Unsplash If you treat every minor comment or action as an insult, people might start holding back to avoid conflict. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and avoiding unnecessary defensiveness allows them to relax around you, rather than feeling they’re always on the verge of offending you.
10. Only showing up when you need something
People want to feel valued for who they are, not just what they can do for you. If you’re only reaching out when you’re in need, they’ll start to feel used rather than appreciated. Showing interest in their lives, even when you don’t need help, creates a balanced, genuine connection.
11. Holding grudges and never letting go
Everyone messes up, and holding on to every slight can drive a wedge between you and other people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean letting go for the sake of peace. Being able to release the small stuff keeps relationships lighter and lets everyone move forward without resentment.
12. Overloading people with unsolicited advice
Sometimes, just listening is enough. Constantly offering advice or “solutions” can make people feel like their choices aren’t good enough. Taking a step back and letting them find their own answers shows that you trust and respect their ability to make decisions.
13. Making everything about being “right”
If you’re focused on winning every argument, other people might start withdrawing to avoid a confrontation. Relationships are about connection, not competition, and always needing to be “right” can push people away. Learning to let go of winning for the sake of harmony keeps things more enjoyable for everyone.
14. Talking down or being dismissive
Nobody wants to feel belittled, and a dismissive attitude can chip away at people’s confidence. Offering understanding and validating people’s feelings, even if you don’t fully agree, builds respect and keeps them close. Respect is the glue of any solid relationship.
15. Avoiding vulnerability altogether
It’s easy to keep conversations light and superficial, but if you’re always closed off, it can make people feel like they’re not truly connecting with you. Sharing bits of your real self allows people to get close, creating trust and deepening bonds over time.
16. Expecting people to read your mind
People can’t guess what you’re thinking or feeling, and assuming they should “just know” creates confusion and distance. Clear communication is key to staying connected. When you openly express your needs, it’s easier for people to understand and support you.
17. Taking support but rarely giving it back
Being there for people goes both ways, and if you’re always on the receiving end, they might start to feel drained. Showing up for them when they need it—whether it’s a small favour or emotional support—keeps relationships balanced. Being supportive makes people feel valued and encourages a mutual connection.
