Genuinely nice guys — not the self-proclaimed “nice” ones who are actually jerks — often find themselves drawn to people who don’t always treat them well.
They’re sweet, caring, kind, emotionally mature… the list of positive attributes goes on and on. However, instead of finding women who are truly deserving of them, they often end up with ones who are selfish, egotistical, and even narcissistic. Here are some reasons why they tend to attract women like this, and what they can do about it.
1. Nice guys are naturally empathetic.
They tend to have a strong sense of empathy, which makes them easy to connect with. Narcissistic women are drawn to this quality because they crave attention and validation. His empathy makes him an easy target for someone looking to be constantly heard without giving back. Understanding the need for balance can help him guard against one-sided relationships.
2. They avoid conflict.
Many nice guys steer clear of confrontation, which can allow narcissistic behaviour to go unchecked. Narcissistic individuals often push boundaries, knowing that a “nice” person won’t push back. This avoidance can lead to an imbalance where one person dominates. Learning to stand up for oneself can make a big difference in setting healthy boundaries.
3. They prioritise everyone else’s needs over their own.
Nice guys are often more focused on other people’s happiness, which can make them overlook their own needs. Narcissistic people benefit from this selflessness, as they want to be the centre of attention. When someone always puts everyone else first, it’s easy for a narcissist to take advantage. Valuing their own needs too can create healthier dynamics.
4. They have a natural desire to “fix” or “help.”
They want to make people’s lives better, which can attract those who want to be catered to. Narcissistic individuals often portray themselves as needing special attention or sympathy, which draws in the nice guy. Recognising that they don’t have to fix anyone can help them avoid these traps.
5. They feel fulfilled by making other people happy.
Nice guys get satisfaction from making other people happy, but this can sometimes lead to overextending themselves. Narcissistic women quickly see this trait and know they can depend on it for constant attention. Ensuring that the effort goes both ways helps prevent burnout and keeps the relationship balanced.
6. They overlook red flags to “see the best” in people.
They tend to focus on people’s good qualities and may downplay red flags. Narcissists often use charm to mask their self-centred behaviours, making it easy for someone who only wants to see the best to miss warning signs. Staying aware of both the good and the bad can help nice guys make healthier choices.
7. They tend to over-apologise.
They may take responsibility for things that aren’t their fault, which can create a power imbalance. Narcissists benefit from this habit because it lets them avoid accountability and keep the nice guy focused on “making things right.” Recognising when an apology isn’t necessary can prevent unnecessary guilt and keep things fair.
8. They have a hard time saying “no.”
They often struggle with saying “no,” which can lead to them being taken advantage of by someone with narcissistic tendencies. Narcissistic women will often test these limits, knowing they can usually get what they want. Learning to set firm boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable, can protect their time and energy.
9. They want to be seen as “good” and “reliable.”
They tend to want to be known as dependable, which makes them work harder to be supportive, even when it’s one-sided. Narcissistic individuals see this as an opportunity to get constant support without giving much in return. Accepting that they don’t need to prove themselves can help nice guys feel freer in relationships.
10. They crave harmony and avoid rocking the boat.
Wanting peace and avoiding arguments can lead these men to agree to things they don’t actually want. Narcissistic women may take advantage of this, knowing they’re unlikely to face opposition. Being okay with a little discomfort can help them express their true preferences more openly.
11. They often have a strong need for approval.
Nice guys may feel validated by other people’s approval, which narcissistic people are quick to use as a tool. Narcissistic women know how to give just enough approval to keep them hooked. Recognising self-worth without external validation can prevent this cycle.
12. They have a forgiving nature.
They tend to forgive easily, even when someone repeatedly crosses their boundaries. Narcissists benefit from this trait because it allows them to avoid the consequences of their behaviour. Practising selective forgiveness can help protect their self-respect and limit future issues.
13. They often feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
They sometimes feel a sense of duty to keep everyone happy, which leads them to go above and beyond. Narcissistic women take advantage of this, knowing they’ll always receive attention and care. Realising that other people’s happiness isn’t their responsibility can help nice guys avoid feeling drained.
14. They struggle to recognise manipulation.
They sometimes miss the signs of manipulation because they believe other people have good intentions. Narcissists often exploit this trust, pushing boundaries and testing limits. Learning to recognise subtle manipulation can empower them to set boundaries earlier.
15. They’re not used to putting their own needs first.
They tend to feel guilty about prioritising themselves, which makes it easier for narcissistic people to take the lead. Narcissists love the focus being on them and rarely offer the same consideration back. Recognising that self-care isn’t selfish can help them take better care of themselves in relationships.
16. They’re usually too polite to call out bad behaviour.
Nice guys don’t like to “make waves,” so they often stay quiet when someone treats them poorly. Narcissistic women use this to their advantage, pushing boundaries without fear of being called out. Practising assertiveness and speaking up can make a world of difference.
