If you’re someone who often feels guilty, even for things you haven’t done, it can be a real struggle.
While studies estimate that more than 94% of people experience intrusive thoughts at some point in their lives, they’re usually fleeting and not particularly overwhelming. However, if feelings of guilt constantly overtake you to the point that you can’t escape them, and they’re affecting your mental and emotional health, you have to do something about it. While talking to a therapist or counsellor is always good advice, here are some ways to self-manage and find some peace.
1. Recognise that intrusive thoughts are normal.
Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone, and they don’t define who you are. They’re just thoughts, and not every thought needs to be taken seriously. When you realise they’re a common experience, it’s easier to detach from them. Accepting them as just thoughts can make them feel less powerful.
2. Avoid trying to “fix” or fight the thought.
It’s natural to want to push these thoughts away or find a way to “fix” them, but fighting them can make them stronger. Letting the thought come and go without judgment can lessen its hold on you. Often, letting thoughts pass without resistance helps reduce their intensity over time.
3. Remind yourself that thoughts aren’t actions.
Having a thought doesn’t mean you’ll act on it or that it reflects your true intentions. Intrusive thoughts don’t have the power to dictate your actions. By separating thoughts from actions, you can remind yourself that a thought alone doesn’t mean anything about who you are. This can ease some of the guilt that comes with them.
4. Challenge any unrealistic standards you hold for yourself.
Sometimes, intrusive thoughts are linked to high standards or perfectionism. Ask yourself if you’re holding yourself to an impossible standard or expecting to never have uncomfortable thoughts. Reminding yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect can make it easier to let go of guilt. Being gentle with yourself often eases the pressure.
5. Practice self-compassion.
Treat yourself as you would a friend going through the same thing. Self-compassion means allowing yourself to be human without judgment. Instead of beating yourself up, remind yourself that everyone has tough thoughts and feelings. Self-kindness can help soothe the discomfort and make it easier to move on.
6. Label the thought as “intrusive.”
When a thought pops up that makes you feel guilty, mentally label it as “intrusive.” This labelling can create some distance, reminding you that the thought isn’t a reflection of who you are. It’s simply a passing experience. Seeing it as “just an intrusive thought” makes it easier to let it go.
7. Focus on the present moment.
Intrusive thoughts often pull you into the past or make you worry about the future. Grounding yourself in the present can help reduce the impact of these thoughts. Focusing on something simple—like your breathing or what’s around you—can keep you connected to the present. Sometimes, staying present is enough to quiet the mind.
8. Journal your thoughts without judgment.
Writing your thoughts down can help you get them out of your head. You don’t have to analyse or judge what you’re writing—just let it flow. Often, putting things down on paper gives you a different perspective, making the thoughts feel less overwhelming. Journaling can be a helpful release.
9. Don’t look to other people for reassurance.
While it’s tempting to ask for reassurance, it can create a cycle of dependency. Instead, try reassuring yourself with what you know to be true. Building confidence in your ability to handle thoughts on your own can help you rely less on external validation. Trusting yourself can make a big difference over time.
10. Set aside “worry time.”
If you find yourself ruminating, try setting a specific time for worrying—like ten minutes later in the day. When intrusive thoughts come up, remind yourself you’ll think about them later, not now. This practice often reduces how urgent the thought feels. Limiting “worry time” can help keep the thoughts from taking over.
11. Engage in activities that bring joy or focus.
When intrusive thoughts are bothering you, doing something that requires focus—like cooking, drawing, or exercising—can be a good distraction. Enjoyable activities shift your attention, making it harder for those thoughts to stick around. Focusing on something positive can make the mind feel lighter.
12. Consider the bigger picture of your actions.
Ask yourself if your actions, rather than thoughts, align with your values. Intrusive thoughts don’t define your character, but your actions do. If your behaviour is in line with what matters to you, it’s easier to let go of guilt related to passing thoughts. Focusing on your actions often brings reassurance.
13. Reach out to a therapist if needed.
If guilt-related intrusive thoughts feel overwhelming, talking to a therapist can be a valuable step. Therapy offers tools and support tailored to handling these thoughts. Getting support doesn’t mean you can’t handle things on your own—it just gives you extra resources. Sometimes, an outside perspective makes all the difference.
