Sometimes we get so caught up in our own world that we don’t notice how we’re showing up (or not showing up!) in our friendships.
While everyone makes mistakes, if you’re doing these things regularly, it’s clear you’re not being a very good friend. Luckily, recognising your bad behaviour is the first step in changing it, and if you truly care about the people in your social circle, you’ll want to do that ASAP.
1. You make everything about you.
Your friend barely gets two sentences into their story before you jump in with your own. Their breakup reminds you of your dating life. Their job promotion turns into a chat about your career goals. You don’t even realise you’re doing it anymore. Every conversation somehow circles back to your experiences, your problems, your life. Their eyes glaze over, but you keep going.
2. You only show up for the good times.
House parties? You’re there. Fun nights out? Count you in. But when they’re moving house or need a shoulder to cry on, you’re mysteriously busy. Your excuses sound hollow even to you. The moment things require actual effort or emotional support, you fade into the background. Your friends have noticed that fun times are the only times they see you.
3. Your gossip radar never turns off.
Private conversations become group chat material within hours. You spill secrets like they’re hot gossip, not realising trust doesn’t grow back easily. Everything feels like shareable content to you. Your friends have started keeping things from you because they’ve learned the hard way. You wonder why people don’t tell you stuff anymore.
4. You bail last minute. A lot.
Plans are more like suggestions to you. You keep your options open until something better comes along. That dinner you promised to attend? Cancelled an hour before. The group trip you committed to? Suddenly you can’t make it. Your friends have started making backup plans because they can’t count on you showing up.
5. You never pick up the phone first.
Reaching out feels like too much effort unless you need something. Weeks pass without you checking in on anyone. You expect friends to understand you’re “just busy.” Your phone’s full of unanswered messages you’ll get to “someday.” Your friends have stopped expecting you to initiate contact.
6. You compete instead of support.
Good news from friends feels like a personal attack on your achievements. You find ways to one-up their successes. Their excitement gets met with stories about how you did it better. You can’t just be happy for them without throwing in your own wins. The competitive edge in your voice is obvious to everyone but you.
7. You’re always selling something.
Every catch-up turns into a business opportunity. Your social media screams MLM pitches to friends. You see connections as potential customers first, friends second. Coffee dates become surprise business meetings. Your friends feel like walking wallets when you’re around.
8. You disappear when you’re dating someone.
The moment a new relationship starts, your friends might as well not exist. You resurface only when there’s relationship drama to discuss. Group plans get ditched for date nights. Your world shrinks to just you and your partner. Your friends know they’ll see you again after the breakup.
9. You never remember important stuff.
Their birthday slips your mind every year. You forget they’re allergic to nuts and bring nutty brownies. Major life events you should know about come as a surprise. Basic facts about their lives escape you completely. Your friends have stopped expecting you to remember anything important.
10. You take forever to pay people back.
That dinner they covered weeks ago? Still not paid back. The group holiday deposit they fronted? You’ll get to it eventually. You act like reminders are personal attacks. Small debts pile up until friends stop offering to spot you. Money talks have become awkward because of your track record.
11. You overstay your welcome.
Social cues bounce right off you. You hang around long after the party’s over. Their hints about being tired go right over your head. You turn quick coffee catches into three-hour sessions. Your friends have started setting time limits before meeting up. The words “wrap this up” mean nothing to you.
12. You never apologise properly.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word for you to say. You defend yourself instead of acknowledging hurt feelings. Your apologies come with excuses attached. Taking responsibility feels like losing somehow. Your friends have learned not to expect real accountability from you.
13. You treat plans like suggestions.
Time means something different in your world. You show up an hour late without texting. Group activities get held up waiting for you. You act like punctuality is optional and everyone else is too uptight. Your friends have started telling you earlier start times just to get you there on time.
14. You give advice nobody asked for.
Every problem becomes your personal fixing project. You jump straight to solutions when friends just want to vent. Your opinions arrive whether they’re wanted or not. You can’t just listen without trying to solve everything. Your friends have stopped sharing problems because they’re tired of unwanted advice.
